"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible.
And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you.
And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get,
or gyms you join,
or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends...
you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong
or how you could have misunderstood.
And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.
And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new.
And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again.
And little pieces of your soul will finally come back.
And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted,
that will eventually begin to fade."
-- Kate Winslet as Iris in the movie, The Holidays.
A couple of months ago, my friend Ilai told me to watch "The Holidays." She said I would love the movie because one of the characters there reminded her of me. A few days after, si Bluekessa naman ang nagsabi sa akin na manood. Para daw kasing kuwento ko iyun... Dahil dalawa na ang nagsabing makaka-relate ako sa movie, I kept on postponing watching it. Kahit na lagi na ino-offer ni Bluekessa na panoorin iyong dvd, tumatanggi ako. Sabi ko papanoorin ko na lang kapag mag-isa na ako. Alam ko kasi na maiiyak ako, eh mas gusto ko umiyak ng mag-isa.
Last May 1, Bluekessa and I were too exhausted from our lakwatsa the whole day so when she insisted to watch The Holidays sa dvd, di na ako tumanggi.
Wala pang tatlong eksena ang nakakalampas, I was bawling. And I had to get up to my room to get the box of tissue in my bedside table.
Oo iyakin ako, at madalas akong umiyak kapag nanonood ng sine (Hello, Mulan nga saka Toy Story, iniyakan ko) pero ito na yata ang isa sa pinakamatindi kong iyak while watching the movie.
Ano konek ng title ng blog sa entry ko? Kung napanood niyo ang movie, iyun na iyun... At kung anu iyong nangyari kay Iris, iyun din ang nangyari sa akin. Ganoon na ganoon. Pati mga linya. Hinihintay ko na lang dumating ang Miles ng buhay ko... Dahil sabi nga ni Iris, "You are supposed to be the leading lady in your own life."