Friday, May 25, 2007

this has nothing to do with you...

i hope you know
i hope you know
that this has nothing to do with you

for two days now, ive been listening to fergie's song over and over... somehow, this song makes me feel better...

i need to be with myself and center clarity, peace, serenity

two months. it has been two months since that fateful day in starbucks where everything came to an end. and what has happened in my life since then?

while he is starting a new life with her, i am living in bitterness and pain. oo, there were days when i don't think about him and just go on with my life. but most of the time, especially when im alone, i remember him. usually, nalulungkot ako. may times naman na nagagalit ako. but either im sad or im angry ... iisa lang naman nangyayari... i cry.

i must take the baby steps until i'm full grown
fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

why am i this devastated? because no man has ever come close to me the way he did. and ive never loved anyone as much as i loved him. and the things that weve been through -- grabee. and when it ended, he took away a big part of me. and i will never be the same again.

those were the best months of my life. but i know i have to move on now. even if i know, i'd be missing him a lot...

we've got some straightenin' out to do
and i'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
but i've got to get a move on with my life


saying goodbye to him was the bravest thing that ive ever done. akala ko di ko kaya. akala ng mga tao sa paligid ko, i will just keep on holding on, kahit na alam ko what my role was in his life... but i did walk away. i cut the ties with him -- completely.

it was never easy. buti na lang i have friends around me who just let me wallow. friends who never get tired of listening to my woes and who keep me sane... and then there's clarissa and cheryl, who patiently stay with me as i get through this miserable phase in my life.

im tired of crying na. im tired of being depressed. tama na ang ilang buwan na pag-sesenti. ang pathetic na ng dating. kaya susundin ko na lang ang sinasabi ni fergie...

it's time to be a big girl now,
and big girls don't cry...


Song of the Moment: Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie

Quotes for the Day: "Potah di dapat iyakan mga tanginang jerks na ganyan, mare. We both know you deserve better. Tama na mga breakdown na ganyan. Sayang ang luha," text sa akin ni Kareen noong binalita ko na nakabalik ako sa mall of asia na hindi umiiyak.

What I learned recently: Crying does help ease the pain. Pero kung wala kang ginawa kundi ngumalngal, nakakapagod din pala...

4 comments:

K said...

one step at a time mare ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... give yourself more time to wallow in bitterness and pain. 'Wag mong pilitin ang sarili mo na di na malungkot. Kung talagang sobrang nahulog ka sa kanya, sabihin na nating minimum 6 months na malulungkot ka pa rin at maiisip mo sya. Pero ang good news ay, "pagkatapos mong umiyak at ma-depress," tsaka mo lang mas lalong makikilala ang sarili mo at ang ang taong makakasama mo pang habambuhay. ( O di ba, sobrang deep! Kasi po pinagdaanan ko na ang pinagdadaanan mo ngayon. Yung sa akin, more than a year din akong "lost"). Sana medyo na-console kita kahit papaano.

:)Mabel

noreen said...

K, oo nga mare, baby step.

Mabel. i know i am susceptible to have a relapse... iyong maaalala ko pa rin siya at malulungkot ako every now and then. it's normal naman, diba? :D

btw,magkikita kami ni elayn next week. may message ka for her? :D

Anonymous said...

Normal lang talaga na malungkot ka pag naaalala mo siya. Baka gusto mong humanap ng kapalit sa paborito mong "sisig." Baka yun, medyo makakatulong (kasi parang "change" siya na kailangan mo para makalimot).
Pakitanong naman ng email ni elayn. Salamat sa pag-relay ng message ha. Thank you ng marami!
:) Mabel