Sunday, June 10, 2007

meet the jerks

in my previous entry, i mentioned that everyone gets dumped. and no matter how strong or smart you are, dumarating ka sa point na wala kang magawa kundi humagulgol or magpaka-windang dahil sa lalake. bittergirl: getting over getting dumped enumerated the different types of men who strung us along and dumped us eventually. naka-relate ako sa dalawang klaseng lalake na na-mention sa libro, ang The Coward at The Revolving Door.

What is the allure of The Coward? You want to hate him, you try and try but you just can’t. When you close your tear-strained eyes, all you can do is see his handsome face looking back at you so longingly, his eyes full of pain and love for you. He wishes this wasn’t happening;

The Coward wants to be liked. The Coward thinks he’s a gentleman. The Coward thinks not talking about his feelings makes him stronger, more dignified.

As The Coward begins his new life, you’re left in the aftermath. He will follow you… will hover around you like a ghost. When you bump into him at a party, he’ll greet you like a long lost friend, maybe suggest lunch. He bears no scars because he just shed you like an old skin, while you’ve walked around carrying all his layers of angst and apathy.

His powers are a mystery. There’s nothing particularly remarkable about him. He doesn’t invent new excuses, he doesn’t try new tricks. Why would he when the old ones always work so well? What is it about him that turns otherwise strong, capable women into doormats? Doormats without any judgement?

He’s not the most handsome, the funniest or the smartest. He’s just a guy with a commitment problem.

Your friends are at the point where they won’t let you speak his name in their presence. You’ve exhausted their support and their sympathy. Every time you take him back you promise them that “it’ll be different this time,” and every time he dumps you they’re the first ones you call to come and pick up the pieces. They prop you up, dry your eyes, cancel your appointments for the day, making you promise not to take his calls. And you don’t. Because he doesn’t call for a day, a week, a month, a year.

Then one night you come home from the first really great night out where you never ever mentioned his name, you danced to “I Will Survive” and maybe you flirted a little with someone new, and guess what? His spidey senses tingled and he realized you might be getting over him. You might see his name in your caller ID, but why not answer? It’s okay. You’re getting stronger and you wouldn’t even consider taking him back. You Are Not A Doormat. Besides, your family and friends would disown you.

You pick up the phone… Before you can say “Never Again,” He’s back.

You keep him a secret. You invent excuses why you can’t meet … (your friends). You feel like you’re cheating on the rest of your life. But you can’t go public with him until you are sure you guys are strong enough.

When you finally do break the news to your friends that you’re happy, they don’t seem surprised. Why would they? They’ve seen this pattern before. You need them, you cry on their shoulder, you talk incessantly about him, you monopolize their time with your heartbreak, then you drop off the face of the earth. And when you reemerge, it’s with The Revolving Door in your arms. Why is it any different this time. You get defensive, you defend him. Your friends are just judgemental. They don’t understand.

Then in an instant He’s gone again.

You think you can change him. You can love him enough… and if you don’t give up on him, maybe he’ll stop giving up on you… (But) the second you stop letting him in, taking his calls, and letting him wipe his feet on you, he’ll find someone else to revolve with. It’s who he is. In his defence, The Revolving Door can only revolve if you let him. He can show up at your door but you don’t have to let him in.

sabi nila, those who forget the past are condemned to repeat them. kaya siguro nilagay ang iba't ibang klaseng jerks sa libro para hindi na maulit iyong katangahan natin. para alam na natin na ito ang mga lalakeng dapat iwasan. tandaan, If a guy tells you he’s not ready for a commitment, he knows he’ll only hurt you, he doesn’t like to be tied down or he’s not ready for anything serious, BELIEVE HIM.

next entry, isusulat ko ang tungkol sa recovery period... what to do and what not to do para makapag-move on, and how to avoid "moments of weakness." and syempre, that magical moment when you finally realize that you are over the guy. darating din iyun...

No comments: