aba, aba, aba... i was checking my old blog when i realized na magwa-one year na pala since i first said goodbye to sb and wrote this entry. akalain mo iyun? oo, october 25 iyong nag-email ako sa kanya to tell him na ayoko na siya makasama, makita o makausap, na we should stop seeing each other and stop whatever it was we were having.
hehe. syempre kung tagasubaybay ka ng blog ko, alam mo na hindi ko napanindigan iyun. sabi kasi niya "i don't wanna lose you" eh nagpa-uto naman ako. then, nasundan iyon ng isa pang pamamaalam ng november. tapos december. tapos march... iyun na talaga. wala na kasunod yun. iyon na ang last. the end. game over. wala ng sequel.
wala lang. sabi ko ayoko na sana magsulat tungkol kay sb pero naalala ko lang kasi iyong araw na iyun. binasa ko mga sumunod kong entry after that. ambilis ng panahon. one year na pala. ayoko maging ipokrita and say na di ko siya naiisip. i still do. and yeah i miss him... in fact, kanina lang, i heard rivermaya's 241 (hindi 214 ha, may mga nagko-correct kasi sa akin and say na mali iyong nalagay kong title. uulitin ko lang, magkaiba ang 214 at 241) and remembered him. kasi he sent me an mp3 of that song. kasi he told me na magandang gawan ng episode sa your song ang kantang iyan. and i did and i used his second name as the main character of that episode and one of my online names naman ang ginamit ko dun sa leading lady. and ended the story na hindi nagkatuluyan ang bidang babae at lalake. and watched that episode with him sa third floor ng abs-cbn building after eating lunch at dencio's where he ordered sisig for me kasi he knew i wanted sisig (that time hindi pa niya alam na sisig boy ang tawag ko sa kanya...). and then we heard mass together, watched a movie and had dinner.
my point is, oo, sb's memories still haunt me. he still haunts me even in my dreams. sometimes they come as a blur and sometimes, they are so vivid they seemed so real. sometimes i get affected but most of the time, parang ordinaryong memories na lang. it's normal.
"anong gagawin mo kapag nakita mo siya uli?" michiko asked me last week. sabi ko di ko alam. she asked me kung galit pa ako, kasi kung galit pa ako, ibig sabihin, may feelings pa ako for him.
galit pa ba ako?
hindi ko rin alam. depending on my moods, minsan gago or asshole ang tawag ko sa kanya pero minsan, i talk about the good things he had done to me and for me... minsan napapailing ako or napapamura kapag naaalala ko siya pero madalas pinagtatawanan na lang namin iyong ibang detalyeng hindi ko puwedeng sabihin dito.
how will you know you have moved on? pano mo masasabing you are really over that person? enough na gauge na ba iyong hindi ka na naiiyak kapag naaalala mo siya? kapag ba may ibang tao na nagpapatalon ng heart mo at nagpapangiti sa iyo, does this mean nakalimutan mo na iyong taong nanakit sa iyo?
i remember having a conversation with my friend A a few weeks ago. he said nakalimutan na daw niya iyong ex niya of three years. i asked him paano niya nalaman na he is really healed and has moved on eh last year lang sila nag-break. he said when he sees himself being with another person and nako-consider na niya to be in a relationship with somebody new, then he knows he is over his ex.
"iyong sinasabi nilang timeframe kung kelan mo makakalimutan iyong ex mo, iyong halimbawa two years kayo, so one year bago mo siya makalimutan, kalokohan iyun," my friend danica said while we were on yosi break in the workshop. "makakalimutan mo lang ang ex mo kapag may bago kang dyowa, ganun lang ka-simple iyun."
totoo bang it takes one to forget one?
Song of the Moment: You are my sweetest downfall - Samson, Regina Spektor
Question for the Day: Paano mo nga ba masasabi na you are really over someone?
What I learned Recently: Aabot daw ng 20,000 ang ticket price sa concert ni Beyonce.