Tuesday, November 27, 2007

para sa mga broken hearted...

noong twenty-one years old ako, may column ako na "love lessons" sa isang lifestyle magazine. humihingi ng love advice sa akin ang mga readers na mas matanda pa sa akin. from common things like how to get over an ex or coping with unrequited love, to complicated situations like being a mistress and being in a lesbian relationship with a teen-ager.

somebody even called our office once and asked for my number at home. and the staff had no choice but to give my landline kasi the caller broke up with her boyfriend the night before and she seemed suicidal. so there i was, alas otso ng umaga at tulog pa ang kalahati ng diwa, comforting a stranger and offering words of wisdom.

two years din akong naging "love doctor" before i hopped from one job to another. before my scriptwriting job, i had a column sa isang website na parang Dear Abby for almost five years. different situations na ang pinapadalang problema ng mga readers like dealing with in-laws, money matters and husbands who have voracious sexual appetite -- pero still, i managed to sound like im an expert. (believe me, ang hirap sagutin nung sulat nung wife na nagrereklamong her husband wants to have sex with her everyday!)

a couple of friends mentioned na puwede akong maging guidance counsellor. magaling daw kasi ako magbigay ng advice. puwede ko pagkakitaan.

kaya joke ko sa broken-hearted friend ko kagabi, dapat nagpapabayad na ako for therapy.

i believe na lahat naman tayo, magaling mag-advice, kapag hindi tayo ang nasa sitwasyon na iyun.

ang daling sabihin na "maraming lalaki dyan" or "someone better will come along" pero kapag tayo ang nandoon, alam natin na kahit maraming lalaki , we still want the one who broke our heart and hurt us. even if he was a jerk or was not that funny and was lousy in bed, hinahanap-hanap pa rin natin sila.

commonly used line na natin iyong "it's his loss, not yours" pero subukan mong sabihin sa sarili mo yan at ang maiisip mo ay "kung siya ang nawalan, bakit ako ang nasasaktan ngayon?"

paulit-ulit nating ni-reremind ang ibang tao na "this, too, shall pass" pero alam natin na when we are in pain, no amount of comforting words can make the pain go away.

ang daling sabihin "ano ba, learn to move on..." pero kapag ikaw na ang kailangan mag move on, you give yourself the right to backslide and experience relapse. you even indulge in "last na to, bukas talaga, kakalimutan ko na siya" or "just one more phone call, i'll start hating him tomorrow..."

in short, mas madaling magbigay ng advice kapag spectator ka lang. kung ikaw na iyong andun, lahat ng mga sinasabi mo, lahat ng mga ginintuang aral na pinamamahagi mo, lahat iyun kinalimutan mo na.

anong point ng entry na ito? wala... hehe

actually meron.

kagabi, a broken-hearted friend came to our house to cry. iyun lang ang kailangan niya... a place to cry. kaya pumunta siya sa bahay. when she was done crying and pouring her hearts out, ako naman ang naglitanya. kinuwento ko lang ano mga ginawa ko when i was in her shoes. at kung ano dapat gawin. she said she felt better. kaya ako nag-joke na maniningil na ako next time.

don't get me wrong. this friend of mine is no virgin when it comes to break ups and broken hearts. she has had four break ups. pero no matter how many times you were hurt, whether you're 16 or 31 years old, you never get immune to pain.

actually pareho kami ng kuwento ... we were dumped and replaced by someone younger and sexier. mas masakit iyon eh. you are nursing a broken heart and a bruised ego at the same time...

hindi niya alam ano gagawin niya. officemate kasi niya yung ex niya. at officemate niya rin iyong pinalit sa kanya. so now everyone in her company knows that she was replaced by someone younger and sexier (i never said better nor prettier. friend, mas maganda ka dun!).

sabi ko sa kanya, take it one day as a time. parang daily struggle. isipin niya lang how to survive on a daily basis. live one day at a time. ganun lang gawin iyan... hanggang sa magigising na lang siya isang araw na healed na siya.

that's what i did.

kagabi, after she left, i reread my journals. grabe, wala ako ibang ginawa nun kundi umiyak. puro "cried myself to sleep" ang nakasulat noong april at may. tapos biglang once a week na lang iyong emote mode. tapos ngayon, wala na... manaka-naka na lang.

"it's a conscious effort," sabi ko. kaya niya iyan. others had it worse. ganun na lang isipin niya.

Song of the Moment: "I'm walking away from the troubles in my life / I'm walking away oh to find a better day..." Walking away, Craig David

Quote for the Day: "When you can't remember why you're hurt, that's the time you're already healed," alam ko naulit ko na ito pero magandang linya siya eh...

What I learned recently: Free wifi sa Burger King Timog, tapos pwede ka makisaksak ng laptop, maki-charge ng cell phone at may libreng hand massage pa sila!!!

7 comments:

rina said...

"jerk or was not that funny and was lousy in bed?" mga belated realizations ba to? :)

mas magaling talaga ang miron. but at least credible ka, because you've been through it all. you're living proof these things indeed pass. in spite of the "manaka-naka" na relapses.

Anonymous said...

So paano mo pinayuhan ang isang reader mo na yung husband ay may voracious appetite for sex? :P

-Resty

blueskies said...

na-realize ko din yun, na madaling mag bigay ng advice until ikaw na yung nasa situation na yun. pero minsan kasi kailangan din naman marinig nung umiiyak sayo ung mga advice na yun kahit na obvious naman diba? (minsan) hehe

ang ganda naman dun sa burger king na yun!

noreen said...

RINA, nope walang koneksyon sa akin un. nabasa ko lang sa blog ng broken-hearted friend ko na her ex was not that funny and was lousy in bed. hehehe
sb was a jerk, but he was funny... di ko na dudugtungan. mahirap na. :)

RESTY, kailangan ko mag-research at mag interview ng mga may asawa para masagot ang problema nung letter sender. :D kinarir ko talaga yun hehehe

BLUESKIES, ay oo, minsan kailangan mo ulit-ulitin, kahit na alam mo naman na alam na na iyon at di rin siya makikinig sa iyo :D

Anonymous said...

ganun talaga, kaya nga realizations kasi minsan nahuhuli na talaga. i laud your "friend" for writing that entry - she thought it was what could help her get over the anger (sabi nga nya) and she did it! galing galing.

sa pag-a-advise naman, hehe. ginawa ko na rin yan, pero hindi yata ako umabot sa "sex issues" among married couples. hahahaha.

-kareen

eLf ideas said...

'buti ka pa, Noreen, you are able to keep up with blog writing after all the years. Of course, I don't forget that you were one of my friends who encouraged me to start mine, which also gave me a one heaven of a ride into the blogosphere.

I miss my prolificacy.

Anyway, just touching base...keeping in touch.

aLfie

PS:
I'm trying to keep my presence in the blogworld, even though only in a haze.

Angelo said...

kawawa naman si ****. :(