you've been warned... kasentihan na naman ito...
"bakit ba tuwing may deadline, dun tayo inaatake ng kasentihan?" tanong ko sa isang friend na writer din. she's supposed to submit a script today pero pareho kami ng state of mind... emo.
ako naman, i have to submit two sequence treatment for your song and a revised script for love spell, lahat due tomorrow. pero i'd rather write a blog entry and dwell on kasentihan. must be pms-ing, i guess.
last night, i was discussing our upcoming your song episode with my headwriter. it was so close to home. ang tagal namin nagde-debate. sabi niya hindi daw realistic iyong mga gusto kong eksena. i ended up telling my headwriter actual incidents that happened in my life, things i shouldn't be telling her. just to prove na they were realistic. then i had to excuse myself and run to the cr, to stop myself from getting emotional in front of her. ayoko maiyak sa harap niya.
a few minutes ago, i was chatting with claring sa ym. then i told her anung premise ng kuwento na ginagawa ko. nung una, nagkukuwento lang ako tungkol sa storyline, and before i knew it, my tears were falling na. i was crying... hagulgol.
"ok na naman ako, di ba? pero bakit ako humahagulgol ngayon?" i typed.
i am sure i don't love him anymore. and that i don't want to be with him again. and i know what an asshole he was.
okay na ako eh. okay na talaga ako. di ba someone else was making me smile na. im seeing myself ending up with another guy na. pero shet... anu tawag dito? emotional relapse? kasalanan ng show ko ito eh. hay.
"scratching an itch will only make it itchier," sabi sa pushing daisies. eh ano ba dapat gawin sa itch? kaya mo ba ito dedmahin?
iyong friend ko, lagi niya tinitingnan ang picture ng lalaking mahal niya and his girlfriend sa friendster. sabi ko sa friend ko, tuwing tinitingnan niya ang pictures nung guy, parang dinudutdot niya ang sugat na pagaling na. chine-check niya kung masakit pa. huwag na niya kutkutin ang sugat. kasi hindi maghe-heal kung lagi niyang dinudutdot.
ako, i no longer look at his pictures online. i don't check his friendster and visit his multiply anymore. i am on my way to recovery na dapat di ba? di ko na kinukutkot ang sugat. pero minsan, kahit pagaling na ung sugat, di mo maiwasan na kumati pa rin ito. so unknowingly, nakukutkot mo na pala.
i should write... i-channel ko na lang sa your song at love spell ang aking kasentihan. hay.
Song of the Moment: She was my night time, thought I was her star / Guess I was wrong, but see I'm strong / Won't take me long for me to move on... Please don't worry 'bout me I'm fine / Only gonna play the fool one time / Trust me when I say that I'll be ok... - Go On Girl, Ne-Yo
Quote for the Day: "You can close your eyes from the things you don't want to see... But you can never close your heart from the things you don't want to feel," forwarded text message.
What I Learned Recently: Crying over an asshole who hurt you doesn't make you stupid or weak. It just means you're human, and you're strong enough to admit that things like this happens even to the best of us.