have you ever had this kind of feeling... when you feel you're worthless. when you start to doubt yourself and ask if you really have what it takes to be a good writer. when you go through your scripts and wonder, "tama ba iyong ginawa ko?" when paranoia consumes you and you're scared that next month, next week or the next day, you might lose your job and will be replaced by someone younger, better, faster. when you toss and turn at night tormenting yourself with thoughts about you screwing up or not living up to the expectations of your bosses, thus, losing everything you've worked hard to achieve. when you begin to question if you're really on the right track. was it worth the risk? did you make the right decision leaving your old life and choosing this path?
today is one of those days when i start to feel all these.
napapaisip ako... napapatanong sa kakayahan ko as a writer. a tv writer. a soap writer, to be exact. shet.
but then, it's okay to feel this way... it's a humbling experience. a reminder that there is always room for improvement. and that it happens to the best of us. that we shouldn't be complacent and settle for mediocrity. that we should always give our all in everything we do. but most of all, we should remember that it's normal to be scared, or hurt, or insecure... because it is part of being human.
sabi nga sa grey's anatomy, it's okay to be scared, it means you still have something to lose. or something to that effect. di ko memoryado pero parang ganoon iyong thought.
sana lang i'd recover from this insecurity soon. i have to work on week 3 and 4 and prove that they didn't make the wrong choice in getting me for this big project.
quote for the day: it's normal to be scared, or hurt, or insecure... because it is part of being human.
what i learned recently: na hindi ako nag-iisa sa ganitong feeling. minsan, kahit iyong mga mas matagal na sa akin sa industry na ito, kahit iyong mga established na at award-winning writers, napapatanong pa rin sila tungkol sa kakayahan nila as a writer.