i was in davao for the weekend when i got a text from a director, telling me about the new project, and that he recommended me to the producers.
i was excited but i felt it wouldn't be given to me. it was a huge project and although i wanted to be optimistic about it, i didn't expect... i hoped and wished, but never expected... i said to myself, that kind of project will go to senior and more experienced writers -- not me.
the following day, as i was having my facial treatment in davao, i thought about the project. at dahil wala akong magawa habang nakatutok sa mukha ko ang steaming machine, i started to conceptualize stories for the two big stars who are supposed to lead in that project.
and while i was in the middle of brainstorming with my multiple personalities, i got a text message from an unknown number. nagpakilala siya. at nagtanong kung pwede daw niya ako tawagan.
i didn't expect she would be calling about the huge project. she told me about it and we discussed my condition and contract with the network. it was tough on my part. i had to choose: pera o pangarap...
i chose pangarap.
the next 24 hours were surreal. after an exchange of phone calls, and text messages from several people, i started to be giddy and anxious and excited -- this was a step closer to my dream! plus i love the actor in the project! but i couldn't help being scared and nervous... did i say it was a huge project?
one thing i learned about life -- it is unpredictable. the day before, everything was so sure. a day after, and it wasn't clear anymore...
yet i was fine with it... as i said to a friend, if this isn't for me, maybe it's for the best. maybe it's not yet the right time. maybe i am not yet ready for that huge project... i am trusting that God knows best. and another lesson i learned in life -- always hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
and as i was living in uncertainty this morning, i saw a tweet that seemed to answer my question. somebody i followed in twitter tweet about the project, and the people who are involved on the project... hindi ako kasama...
"okay ka lang?" my friend asked.
surprisingly, i was okay. tanggap ko. kilala ko iyong writer na nakuha for the project at alam ko magaling siya. magaling na magaling. at mas senior sa akin. kaya tanggap na tanggap ko. hindi ako naiyak... na-disappoint, oo, pero inisip ko, baka hindi ito para sa akin. baka may mas ibang para sa akin.
and then i was told that they haven't chosen a writer yet. they asked me to talk to the director. and to submit a storyline.
nothing definite. nothing certain.
and as i write the storyline that would determine if i could fulfill my dream this year, an old song is repeatedly playing in my head, "que sera sera, whatever will be, will be... the future's for us to see, que sera sera..."
lord, bahala ka na. i want to do this project, but if this isn't for me, matatanggap ko...
gaya nga ng fb status ko ngayon, "kung para sa iyo talaga ang isang bagay, kahit anung mangyari, kahit gaano ka-impossible, sayo pa rin ang bagsak nito. pero kung hindi ito para sa iyo, kahit anung pilit mo, hindi ito mapupunta sa iyo..."
at isa pang pinaniniwalaan ko, when you lose something, you will gain something else. may kapalit lahat. never doubt God's generosity...
again, bahala na si Lord. que sera sera...