mush, moods, madness and more

pointless...

2012-01-23T01:31:00.003+08:00

after ten years of blogging, i am considering doing something i never thought i'd be doing -- stop blogging. parang pointless na. kasi kahit ako, nagsasawa na. iyun at iyun ang isyu ko. iyun at iyun ang sinusulat ko.

i have been blogging for ten years. parang wala na akong bagong maisusulat. wala na akong mai-se-share at maikukuwento. parang wala na kuwenta mga nangyayari sa buhay ko...

am thinking of turning this blog as private din kasi my nieces are all grown up. they have access to internet. they know my blog. one of them read all my entries for three days. i told them to stop reading my blog... they listened but... for how long? and how will i know na sinusunod nila talaga ako?

hanggang ngayon, i'd hear them talking about the blog entry i wrote five years ago. it happened five years ago but they only read it recently, kaya fresh pa sa isip nila. kaya minsan, they asked me about it and i was caught off-guard.

ayokong malaman nila kung gaano ako ka-pathetic noong in love ako. ayokong malaman nila kung ano nangyari sa buhay ko when i was their age. fourteen na ang isa sa kanila, edad ko when i first fell in love. ayokong mabasa nila ang lahat ng angsts at kasentihan ko for the last ten years.

oo, iniisip ko to stop blogging. at gawing private ang blog na ito... pero, handa na ba ako? hirap ako maglet go. alam iyan ng mga friends ko. kakayanin ko bang hindi mag blog? kakayanin ko bang itigil ang isang bagay na ilang taon ko na ginagawa?

chinese new year ngayon. new beginning. clean slate. fresh start...

kaya ko ba?

gash....

rebirth

2012-01-01T19:19:00.010+08:00

ever since i started blogging ten years ago, i would always have a year-end blog entry. a monthly detailed account of what transpired the year prior. but i failed to make one for 2010 because i got busy, was hospitalized for three weeks, and found it futile to write a year-end entry in march.

it's the first day of 2012. and since i wanted to be active in blogging again, i am posting my year-end entry...

if i have to sum up my 2011 in one word, it would be rebirth....

january - almost

i used to think that almost is the saddest word in the dictionary. i almost won. we were almost there. they almost got married.

and then last january, i almost died.

february - break

dahil sa aneurysm, i took a break from writing. bakasyon sa davao for almost one month. spent time with family and friends. and sa one month na hindi ako nagsusulat, that was when i realized that writing is not only my passion. it's my life. i couldn't live without it...

march - second chance

when i returned to manila and went back to writing, i was assigned to be part of mutya. hindi naman ako binigla. unti-unti lang. pero kahit ilang weeks lang ako nag-mutya, enjoy ako isulat ang show na ito. light lang sya. my first time to write a fantaserye na natuloy.

april - extreme

this month, extreme emotions ang naramdaman ng mga kapamilya. may napakalaking bonus na binigay ang abs-cbn. sobrang laki! a whopping six digit bonus for me na katumbas ng two years salary ko noong senior writer ako sa isang magazine. parang pasko sa abril! pero the next day, gumimbal sa amin ang news about aj perez's death.

may - babang-luksa

first death anniversary ng tatay ko. pero i know, siya ang naging guardian angel ko. kasi when green rose ended this month, i was tapped to do two shows -- isang afternoon drama soap (although hindi natuloy), at isang primetime soap based on the book wuthering heights. the wuthering heights show was given the title, "walang hanggan." ang directive lang sa akin, it stars coco martin. bahala na ako mag-develop ng kuwento na puwedeng tumakbong soap ng ilang linggo.

june - firsts

this month, i was interviewed in an fm station. sabi ko nga sa fb status ko, "i dreamed of being interviewed on air one day but i never thought it would be about aneurysm. according to the doctor, only 23% of people who had ruptured aneurysm survive, and less than half go back to their normal lives."

ito rin iyong time na inimbitahan ako ni alessandra sa bahay nila. i had dinner at their house and met her mother. dito ko na-realize na iyong friendship namin ni alex, hindi lang pang-showbiz. ito ang simula ng pagiging close friends namin.

july - new goal

as i watched cinemalaya with my colleagues, muling na-ignite ang dream ko to write an indie film. a couple of years ago, i joined cinemalaya with my director friend mark. we wanted to make a movie about this modern set up called friends with benefits. we didn't make it. sayang. kung napili sana kami noong 2009, naunahan sana namin ang ligo na u, lapit na me. a movie which i truly enjoyed watching. parang septic tank na three times ko pa pinanood!

august - renaissance

went to davao city for kadayawan festival with claring and rose. for the first time, nag pearl farm! ang saya ng bakasyon! two days before my birthday, pinalabas ang my binondo girl. sabi ko suwerte ang mga pinapalabas sa birthday ko. katorse. saka my binondo girl.

sabi ko, first birthday ko ito, kaya bilang pasasalamat, i spent the night with my close friends and colleagues, who prayed for me, and helped me when i was hospitalized. bonggang birthday ever.

september - liberation

this month, i was finally liberated from my salary loan in abs-cbn. iyong isang milyong utang ko ng march, kalahati na lang ngayon. salamat sa mga projects na binigay ng abs sa akin. malaking tulong ang TF na nakukuha ko pambayad sa mga utang.

october - fruitful

nagkasakit ang headwriter namin sa my binondo girl at ako ang pinasalo sa scripting. haven't written scripts na ganito kabilis at kadami since sabel days kaya kailangan maging creative ulit. and this month, an indie film producer approached me and asked me to write a screenplay.

november - recognition

kapamilya service awardee ako. five years na ako sa abs. awaaaaaard!

this month, napatunayan ko talaga na when you lose something, you gain something else. when something ends, something better begins. nag resign ako sa my binondo girl. and then a few days after, sinimulan na ang walang hanggan.

natapos ko rin sa month na ito ang screenplay ng indie film. iba pala ang feeling kapag nakatapos ka ng script ng movie, hindi dahil sa assignment sa school or requirement sa workshop kundi dahil sa binabayaran ka ng producer...

december - changes

sa showbiz, walang kasiguraduhan ang lahat. hindi mo alam, yung meron ka ngayon, mawawala sa iyo bukas. pero sa ilang taon ko sa showbiz, nalaman ko rin na kung para sa iyo talaga ang isang bagay, mawala man ito sa iyo, babalik din ito. hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari. before the year ended, i was told na may changes na mangyayari sa akin in terms of career. isa lang ang alam ko, mas alam ni Lord kung ano nakakabuti para sa akin...

to summarize, here are the eleven highlights of my 2011

11. walang hanggan

10. my binondo girl.

9. babang-luksa.

8. bonus.

7. green rose and geena rallos.

6. kadayawan and pearl farm.

5. radio interview

4. screenplay

3. birthday party

2. kapamilya service award

1. ruptured aneurysm.

new year na naman. a time of changes. a time of renewed hope and enthusiasm. another chance to make things right. another chance to reach for the dreams we didn't get in the past...

gaya nga ng sabi ko sa fb status ko, 2011 was the year of ruptured aneurysm and near-death experience. wag na sana maulit. ayaw. here's to good health and longer life... sana masayang career at lovelife. at sana bongga ang 2012 para sa ating lahat!

happy new year, everyone! :)

delayed

2011-12-23T17:01:00.000+08:00

the last time my flight got delayed in the airport, something life-defining happened. it was also a friday. same airline, same date, and almost the same time. except that i don't have my "when God writes your love story" book with me... in fact, i didn't bring any book. im just playing angry birds on my itouch before deciding to make a blog entry in my bb.

life-defining. my life was never the same after that chance meeting in the airport while i was waiting for the delayed airplane. it didn't have a happy ending like what i imagined it would have but that experience and what happened in the next two years after that were the reasons why i have become the kind of writer that i am right now -- emotional, senti, may pinaghuhugutang nakaraan.

everything happens for a reason.

and the delayed flight that time was instrumental in molding me not only into a better writer but also a better and stronger person.

and as i wait here in the pre-boarding lounge of cebupacific, i couldn't help thinking what might happen to me in the next few minutes, sino kaya makikita ko, sino kaya makakausap ko. ano kayang kuwento ng buhay ko ang magsisimula.

it has been six years since i last booked a cebupac flight in december. kasi laging pal na ako ngayon. but this year, napilitan akong mag cebupac. i usually take the madaling araw flights to davao at di ko alam bakit nag-decide akong mag friday 5pm na flight.

may dahilan ang lahat ng bagay... in the next few minutes malalaman ko kung kasama ito sa mga bagay na may katuturan sa buhay ko o isang pang-inis lang sakin dahil nagpa-aalala ng isang karanasanan na matagal ko na kinalimutan...

five

2011-11-30T21:17:00.002+08:00

last week, i was one of the kapamilya service awardees... five years, baby! and during the awarding ceremony, i couldn't help but reminisce... i never thought i'd still be here after five years. pero, siguro, ito talaga ang plano ng Diyos para sa akin... at isang bagay na natutunan ko sa five years na iyun -- if something is meant to be yours, it will be yours. may mga bagay na nangyayari para maantala o para mabago ang takbo ng buhay mo pero in the end, sayo pa rin ito...

when we finished the abs-cbn comedy writing workshop in january of that year, i was handpicked to be in the supposed sitcom of the megastar. but she backed out and opted for a talk show.

i remember being disappointed with the news. i wanted to be part of a sitcom, not a talk show. but then, sino ba ako para mamili? i remember composing a text message to direk joey to ask him to include me in the sitcom bora. gusto ko talaga ng sitcom. pero on the last minute, i deleted the message before i could send it. nagdasal na lang ako.

it took us one year to plan for sharon's talk show. and during the planning stage, nagkaroon ng isa pang sitcom si direk joey, madalian. at sinama niya ako doon. sobrang saya ko. sitcom din pala ang magiging first show ko -- my juan and only. and it was aired in may 2005.

eight months lang ang tinagal ng sitcom. when it ended in january 2006, i got a call from my executive producer after one week. isasama daw ako sa your song. ginagawa ko ang your song habang may trabaho ako sa ayala. at habang binubuo pa rin namin ang sharon.

that year, pinalabas na rin finally ang sharon. pero after a couple of months, i left the show. hindi keri kung may day job ako tapos nagsha-sharon pa ako.

i learned from my Prog Manager that i was supposed to be part of the show let's go. pero siguro hindi meant sa akin ang show na iyun. kinuha na lang ako ng PM ko para sa star magic presents. pero never ako nabigyan ng assignment ng headwriter ng smp kaya wala ring nangyari.

one year na ako nagyo-your song at nabibigyan na ako ng assignment sa love spell when i finally resigned from my day job at nag-full time ako sa abs. one week after i tendered my resignation letter, i got a text from an unknown number, kasama daw ako sa bagong soap ni claudine. as in naiyak ako sa tuwa noong nakuha ko iyong text na iyun. napa-thank you lord ako.

habang ginagawa namin ang claudine soap. i got a text from another unknown number -- pinapa-attend ako ng meeting ng ginagawang soap ni kristine hermosa. hindi ako nakapunta. at hindi na ako tinext ulit.

a few months after, pinalabas na ang prinsesa ng banyera, my could-have-been first soap.

isa pang natutunan ko sa showbiz, walang kasiguraduhan ang mga bagay... lahat puwedeng magbago sa isang iglap. nagkaroon ng changes sa claudine soap. at hindi na ako kasama sa creative team.

kasabay ng pagkawala ng claudine soap sa akin, may dumating na bago -- tatlo. sequel ng super inggo, utoy, saka isa pang drama soap. pero hindi rin natuloy ang tatlong soaps na ito.

2008 nang umere ang unang soap ko -- ang dyosa. pero parang hindi counted dahil hindi naman ako nakapagsulat doon.

kaya pala hindi ako nakasama sa banyera at sa claudine soap, kaya pala hindi natuloy iyong tatlong soaps ko dapat, kaya pala hindi ako nakapagsulat sa dyosa -- kasi ang magiging unang soap ko pala sa abs-cbn ay katorse.

at ang katorse ang isa sa pinaka-favorite shows ko na nagawa.

after katorse, dumating si rubi. ang idol. si sabel. ang green rose. may george n cecil saka wansapanataym on the side. naka dalawang precious hearts romance din ako. at siyempre, ang your song na pinakamatagal kong show.

after kong mag-leave ng ilang buwan at bumalik ako noong april, sinama ako sa mutya. nang matapos ang mutya, pina-buo sa akin ang isang afternoon soap (na hindi natuloy), at ang walang hanggan (na ipapalabas na next year). tapos, sinama din ako sa my binondo girl.

looking back, i realized eleven ang could-have been shows ko. pero okay lang. dahil sa 11 na nawala, heto naman ang kapalit: katorse, rubi, idol, sabel, green rose, mutya, my binondo girl, phr presents you're mine only mine, love me again, your song presents muntik na kitang minahal, kapag ako ay nagmahal, sayang na sayang, i'll take care of you, million miles away, someone like you, my only hope, underage, boystown, isla, maling akala, beautiful girl.

im on my 6th year... sabi nila, kapag gusto mo ang ginagawa mo, hindi mo napapansin ang oras. and indeed, five years went by swiftly, dahil this has been my dream... this is my passion. this is my life...

big C sucks

2011-11-27T02:13:00.003+08:00

a colleague succumbed to breast cancer yesterday. even though we weren't close, i am greatly affected with the news.

i met kune in 2008. we were together in the fantaserye soap, my first soap in primetime. her smiles and laughter were infectious. she was very warm and friendly, and amusing. although we didn't stay long in the soap, and we never had the chance to work together after that, bumping into her at the network had always been fun.

last year, nagulat ako when i saw her kasi she lost a lot of weight. i asked her how she did that and she said "no meat. puro fruits and vegetables lang na organic." clueless ako. akala ko nagda-diet lang siya. claring told me she had a lump in her breast kaya she was eating organic food na lang and losing weight. pero sabi naman, gumagaling na siya. so hindi na kami nag-worry about her.

a few months ago, she posted pictures on her fb -- pictures of her travel in paris, rome, and other european cities. maybe she knew her time was running out so she lived her life to the fullest.

earlier this week, i asked another colleague kung kumusta na si kune. i learned kune was on a leave because her condition worsened. ang sabi, ayaw daw ni kune na magpabisita... at kahapon nga, nagising ako sa mga text messages about her death.

two to three years ago, i have been hearing about a friend or a colleague's parent's battle with cancer. my tatay had cancer. my friend danica's father died of cancer. a co-writer's dad had lung cancer and another co-writer's mom has breast cancer. this year, we learned that two of my close friends' fathers have cancer.

umabot na kami sa edad na halos lahat ng kakilala at kaibigan ko, may kamag-anak na nagka-cancer.

i never expected na darating ang panahon na iyong mismong kakilala ko at kaibigan, iyong nakakasama ko sa trabaho, iyun ang magiging biktima ng cancer.

nakakatakot. nakaka-praning.

a few years ago, i bought a book on sale about breast cancer. hindi ko tinuloy ang pagbasa dahil naiyak na ako at natakot. pero iyun yata ang realidad eh -- ang cancer ngayon, parang lagnat na lang. kahit sino puwedeng tamaan. at kung may magulang ka na nagka-cancer na, mas dapat ka nang kabahan.

i was with claring and jan earlier, talking about cancer, and death and sickness. napag-usapan namin what happened to me nine to ten years ago -- a doctor found cysts in my ovaries. i almost had a major surgery. nagpa-second opinion ako. definitely may cysts but hindi naman kailangan ng surgery agad. buti nadala sa dasal at sa gamot.

that was eight years ago... nasa early 20s lang ako. am in my 30s now. before my aneurysm, i hadn't been living healthy. i hadn't been taking good care of my health. i only quit smoking when my father was diagnosed with lung cancer.

when you're in your 20s, you don't think about these things. pero when you grow older, when you see colleagues and friends die of cancer, that's the time na napapaisip ka about your own life.

nalulungkot ako for kune. i learned from another friend's blog na ayaw pa ni kune mamatay. marami pa siyang gustong gawin.

sino ba naman gustong mamatay? hindi ko maimagine kung ano pakiramdam na gusto mo pa makasama ang mga mahal mo sa buhay, pero hindi na kaya ng katawan mo...

pero siguro hanggang doon na lang si kune. kaya sinulit niya ang mga nalalabing oras niya... siguro, na-fulfill na niya lahat ng purpose niya sa mundong ito.

as for me, i was given a second chance to live... hindi ko sasayangin iyun... kaya i will be making an appointment with an ob gyne next week...

it's such a shame for us to part...

2011-11-24T23:10:00.004+08:00

met up with a friend earlier. may pinagdadaanan kasi siya. lagi ko sinasabi, this friend is the younger, sexier and prettier version of me. at sa kinunwento niya kanina, natulala na lang ako. kasi how many years ago, ganoong-ganoon ang kuwento ng buhay ko...

so after niya magkuwento at mag-emote at maiyak, ako naman ang nagkuwento. last year lang kasi kami naging magkaibigan kaya hindi niya alam ung tungkol doon. antagal ko na kinalimutan ang chapter na yun ng buhay ko. pero dahil sa kuwentuhan namin, hindi ko sinasadyang maalala.

so heto ako ngayon, nagsusulat ng blog entry sa dilim, habang paulit-ulit na pinapakinggan ang the scientist ng cold play.

sya: hindi ko maintindihan bakit ko pinagdadaanan ito ngayon, bakit nangyayari sa akin to... ang sakit-sakit.
me: minsan, may mga kailangan lang talaga tayong pagdaanan. hindi natin alam kung bakit. pero in time, malalaman natin ang dahilan...

song of the moment: nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part. nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard. i'm going back to the start - the scientist, coldplay

quote for the day: "we gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets," ted mosby, how i met your mother s7-11

what i learned recently: walang taong exempted sa heartbreak. lahat kailangan to pagdaanan...

tsa-a

2011-11-21T23:05:00.003+08:00

the first time i tried it in bangkok six years ago, i fell in love with milk tea. araw-araw, oras-oras ata kami nagmi-milk tea sa bangkok noon ni claring at jan.

tapos nagkaroon ng nai cha sa chowking. at may milk tea sa jatujak. so whenever there's a chance, milk tea ako ng milk tea.

and then biglang nagkaroon ng proliferation ng milk tea sa metro manila.

unang milk tea na natikman ko sa happy lemon sa greenhills. cocoa with rock salt and cheese ang inorder namin ni claring dahil sabi, yun daw ang best-seller. nung natikman ko parang, aaaah, masarap. pero hindi siya nag-marka sa akin.

after a few days, claring, jan and i tried roasted milk tea sa chatime in pioneer center. unang sip ko pa lang, alam ko na, ibang klaseng milk tea sya. may kakaibang aftertaste kasi siya. hindi siya yung ordinary milk tea mo.

the next day, nag-crave ulit ako ng roasted milk tea with coffee jelly. pero dahil malayo sa akin ang chatime, pinuntahan ko na lang iyong milk + tea sa may morato. tinanong ko anu best-seller nila at iyun ang inorder ko... again, nothing spectacular. parang typical nai cha with coffee jelly.

dahil hindi na-satisfy ang cravings ko for milk tea, dinayo ko ulit ang pioneer center the next day for chatime roasted milk tea. my second chatime milk tea in three days!

nag-tweet ako, what's your favorite milk tea? may sumagot ng bubble tea saka moonleaf. sabi ko one day, ita-try ko iyang mga tinweet nila.

four days after, dumayo ulit ako sa chatime para sa -- yes, roasted milk tea. i just can't get enough of their milk tea. si claring ulit kasama ko, at iba naman inorder niya. pero ako, yun at yun pa rin.

if you know me well enough, alam mong may tendency talaga ako maging fixated sa isang flavor kahit marami naman pagpipilian. (remember chocolate pudding jelly bean).

sa isang linggo, naka limang milk tea ata ako. nagtext si claring sakin to say na 300 calories ata ang isang milk tea. huwaaat? and i thought healthy siya???

pero despite the info i learned from claring, hinahanap-hanap ko pa rin ang milk tea...

kanina, nag-decide kami ni claring na i-try ang moonleaf tea cafe na walking distance lang from abs. inorder ko iyong best-seller nila, ang wintermelon... marami kasi nasasarapan dun. pero nung natikman ko, wala sa kalingkingan ng roasted milk tea ng chatime...

sa ngayon, best milk tea for me ay ang roasted milk tea ng chatime. although hindi naman ako titigil sa kakahanap ng iba pang masarap na milk tea nearby.

may magbubukas na milk tea 101 sa may morato. marami pang milk tea shops sa area ko. pero habang hindi ko pa nahahanap iyun, titiyagain ko muna ang biyahe papuntang pioneer center para sa gusto kong milk tea.

bakit ako magtitiyaga sa kung ano ang malapit at convenient kung hindi ko rin naman magugustuhan? doon na ako sa sigurado akong gusto ko, kebs na sa layo at sa hirap. basta alam ko, at the end of the day, mapapasaya niya ako...

hmmm... dapat na ba ako gumawa ng blog entry all i really need to know i learned from milk tea? :)

random kasentihan

2011-11-13T22:42:00.004+08:00

alam mo iyong feeling na may pagkain ka na hindi mo naman talaga gusto, pero andyan lang sa tabi mo... ayaw mo naman kainin, pero ayaw mo rin itapon. basta nandyan lang siya. in case of emergency mo... kapag wala ka na talaga makain, at ayaw mo na magutom, at least alam mo, meron at merong pagkain para sa yo...

tapos magigising ka isang araw, may ibang nakakuha na ng pagkain na iyun. at bigla kang nalungkot. hindi dahil sa gusto mo talaga yung pagkain na iyun. kundi dahil sa may iba na nakuha ng akala mo ay para sa iyo...

i am soooo not talking about food.

it's one of those days na no amount of food binges or shopping can fill the emptiness you are feeling.

i just read a blog entry of a close friend about a certain desire and asking God to take that desire away if it's not for her. naiyak ako. damang-dama ko ang pinagdadaanan niya ngayon....

***

last week, while having coffee with my friends, i realized... my ex boyfriend's son is now 14 years old! we were in college. three months niya ako niligawan. naging kami. pero nag-break din agad when i learned na nabuntis niya pala ang ex-girlfriend niya. at iyun nga, 14 years ago na iyun. so 14 years old na iyong anak niya... halos kaedad na ni maya.

if this were a teleserye... my first boyfriend's son and maya would meet, fall in love, and then i would be very much against it.

***

i went to the gala premiere of alessandra's latest indie film, ka oryang. it was last 11-11-11. last week, i told alex i was excited for 11/11/11 and she said "magkakadyowa na tayo sabay!"

nakakalokah lang. natapos ang 11/11/11 at walang magandang nangyari sa akin. pero nag-wish ako noong napatingin ako sa cellphone ko at nakita ko na eksaktong 11:11 ng umaga pala! effective daw kasi kapag di mo binabantayan ang oras para mag-wish. malalaman ko sa susunod na mga araw kung totoo nga yung wish wish na iyan :)

***

i have been hearing good reviews about the movie friends with benefits. papanoorin ko na sana sa sinehan pero may nagtext sa akin. " i watched friends with benefits last night. sorry ha, pero naalala ko ang sitwasyon nyo ni ___ dati."

so when claring said nagandahan siya sa movie and that i should watch it, sinabi ko sa kanya iyong text sa akin ng friend ko. clar had violent reaction. "excuse me lang, pero anlayo!"

mas alam ni clar ang pinagdaanan ko, witness siya sa lahat, kaya sige, panonoorin ko ngayon yung movie sa dvd.

party of the year

2011-11-08T00:55:00.007+08:00

today is the birthday of the best boss in the world... sir deo endrinal.

he keeps on inspiring and motivating us to do our best in coming up with exceptional shows. he earns all our love, admiration and respect, not because of his position, but because he deserves it. and he never ceases to amaze us with his brilliant and creative ideas.

happy birthday, sir deo! we love you!!!

***

last saturday, i was invited to his chillout party at the top of the citi in makati. sir deo sent me a bbm about the details of his party. ako na ang mababaw... na-excite ako ng sobra dahil sir deo's birthday has always been THE party of the year.

i was first invited to his birthday party in 2007. it was held at the embassy in the fort. my first time to attend a syala party kaya i had to buy clothes for that. it was also my first time to party with the stars. and i did something regrettable that night dahil sa limang frozen margarita.

the year after, the party was held in moksha and ito na ang pinaka-favorite ko sa lahat ng birthday party na na-attend-an ko. dito ako pinakamasaya. as usual, nalasing ako at kung kelan naman nakatabi ko si zanjoe, dun pa ako natumba and he was quick enough to catch me at tinayo ako. ayaw maniwala ng mga kaibigan ko na hindi ko sinadya iyon... akala nila, gumawa ako ng paraan para magka-moment with zanjoe. here's the full story of what happened in that party.

the party in 2009 was the pinaka-tahimik sa mga parties. walang sayawan, walang loud music. but that was also the most intimate. it was held in M cafe in greenbelt. si zanjoe pa rin ang highlight ng gabi ko.

last year, we were in a bar in ortigas. may inuman, walang sayawan pero ang pinaka natatandaan ko lang, galing si jessy sa taping at sinundo ko siya sa labas ng bar kasi nahihiya siyang pumasok. after the party, my friends and i went to banchetto para mag food trip. dahil naka killer heels kami ni danica, naghubad kami ng sapatos at naglakad ng naka-paa.

parang ganito din ang nangyari sa party last saturday. may expiration talaga ang pagiging babae ko. kaya four hours of standing and dancing in my stilettos, naghubad na ako ng sapatos at nag-paa na lang.

i wasn't supposed to wear stilettos. ang plano ko -- jeans lang and a decent top, tapos yung wedge. but then i was told that i had to wear a dress. "parang new york party ito, walang naka-jeans," bbm sa akin ng nandoon na sa party.

napilitan akong maghagilap ng dress na masusuot. i decided to wear a plain black dress na first and last kong nasuot three or four years ago, sa palanca award ni claring sa manila pen. at dahil naka-dress ako, i had to wear high heels.

the party was fun. dinaanan ako ni jessy and sabay kami pumunta sa party. we were seated sa corner and kiray joined us. napag-usapan naming tatlo ang tungkol sa wansapanataym na ginawa ko, at si kiray at jessy ang artista. that was one of my fave wansa episodes.

maya-maya, dumadami na ang mga artista. dumaan si jake para lumabas and then he stopped and went back para dumaan sa table namin at batiin kami. he shouted, "noringai!" before giving me a really tight hug.

jessy and i were on our way to the cr when i bumped into echo. he was so glad to see me because we haven't seen each other since i was hospitalized. he was so concern about me, "what are you drinking? are you allowed to drink?" he asked. he hugged me again, tapos he told our GR director, "si noreen o!" na parang tuwang-tuwa siya na makita ako. i so love echo!

lumapit si xian sa amin ni jessy and asked, "close kayo ni jessy, no? bakit kayo close?" si jessy na ang sumagot sa tanong ni xian. si ejay naman, niloloko ako. "kume-cleavage ka na ngayon ah," he told me. i said, "ako talaga ang original na nene."

ang highlight ng gabi ko: si paulo avelino. jessy introduced me to paulo, at dahil mahal ako ni jessy, panay build up sa akin. maya-maya, paulo said, "can i get your number?" pak. im sure tuwang-tuwa na naman nito si ilay at si maya na crush na crush si paulo.

unlike the other parties, hindi na ako nagpakalasing ngayon -- bawal na. i had two glasses of margarita and ten glasses of water. tapos sayaw lang kami ng sayaw ng mga production people.

around 1am, nagyaya na si jessy na umalis na kami pero nagpaiwan ako. masayang sumaway with the executive producers and production staff. pero gaya ng mga nakaraang party -- sumakit ang paa ko at naghubad ako ng sapatos. nakita pa ni xian na nakapaa ako and he asked, "are you okay?"

my friend beegee told me uuwi kami ng 3 pero nag french exit na rin ako around 2. nang may nakita akong masasabayan pauwi, umalis na ako. at dahil hindi ko na keri maglakad, bitbit ko ang sapatos ko habang naglalakad ako sa lobby ng citibank tower.

two margaritas and three hours of dancing -- ang kapalit, nakahilata lang ako buong araw the next day. pero hindi ako nagsisi sa margarita at sa stilettos, because i had fun. pero sabi ko sa sarili ko, quota na ako ng inom for this year... unlike before na kung makainom ako, parang wala ng bukas...

this year pala, isa ako sa mga kapamilya awardee. five years na ako sa abs. although 2007 lang talaga ako nag resign sa day job ko para mag fulltime sa abs.

five years ago, when i attended my first christmas party, wala ako masyadong kilala, tahimik lang ako sa isang tabi. andami na nangyari in five years... sana, mas marami pang magandang pangyayari sa mga susunod na taon ko sa abs...

dear enchong

2011-11-04T01:11:00.006+08:00

it was in 2006 when i received a forwarded email of the bench fashion show and sent it to random people. my friend and officemate A immediately sent me a message thanking me for the email. A was raving, "friend, super thank you. i love enchong dee!" and i was like, "sino???"

A explained to me that you were a model, a swimmer and a delegate in the seagames. "he's also a tv actor, friend," A informed me. i had to google your name to know who you were. and although i was on my first year as a writer in abs then, i didn't know you...

a year after, i would be writing my first script for you.

in 2007, my your song headwriter asked me to write a script for three young stars. "si empress, si dino imperial at si enchong dee, mga taga about ur luv sila," my headwriter explained.

joyce bernal -- the joyce bernal -- was the director. in my script, i made sure that empress would end up with you -- to make my friend A happy.

when the episode was aired, i watched it with my housemate claring. and instantly, we were all smitten with your adorable smile and boyish charm. my friend A was also texting me every now and then, swooning over you. and on that moment, i told myself, "magaling tong enchong dee na ito, may future to..."

true enough, even the network saw your potentials because a year after, they handpicked you to be part of kimerald's soap, "my girl."

and then our paths crossed again in 2008 when we developed your follow-up show with my girl casts, "your song presents my only hope."

i presented the show's story to you and the rest of the cast in august 2008. during our creative meetings, we all loved your character... we rooted for you, we cried with you, we fell in love with jhun.

in october 2008, while you were taping for moh, you, kim, regine angeles and david chua dropped by the birthday party of our boss. that was where i saw you upclose, and had my first picture with you...

our impressions about you... masayahin na tao si enchong dee, no? parang ang positive ng aura niya. smile lang siya ng smile. ang gaan-gaan ng personality.

in january 2009, the writers and i went to moh's last taping day, you were inside your room, studying. we were told you were graduating in college, and you had an exam so you were reading books in between takes. somebody mentioned you were graduating with honors. nakakabilib ka naman.

that time, you had no idea who i was. but i wanted to get a vtr greeting for my niece who i learned was so in love with you. so while you were studying for your exam, i knocked on your door and disturbed you. "puwede kitang kunan ng greeting, debut lang kasi ng pamangkin ko na fan na fan mo," i told you.

you were all smiles as you graciously greeted my niece. the vtr was so candid and you were so funny. slowly, i was beginning to like you more and more.

two months after, when we were asked to develop boystown for the giggerboys, we got to interview you and your group. we learned a lot about you -- a model student, an ideal son, a disciplined athlete, a talented artist.

you were the kind of person who was always following rules and obeying authorities. your parents. your teachers. your coach. your manager.

"sobrang good boy ako," you told us. "minsan, gusto ko na sumabog kaya lang, wala naman akong... maputukan." you candidly said, and that made everyone in the room burst into laughing.

and on that moment, as you revealed to us stories about how you felt the first time you were in asap, your insecurities, your experiences about girls, your studies, and your sport, you earned my admiration...

on that same year, we were writing katorse for erich, ejay and xian. in the series, ejay as gabby had a best friend named jojo. i didn't know jojo would play an essential part in the story so when the ad/promo guys asked me what jojo's real name was, i used my high school crush's surname.

and then our headwriter decided to make a jojo-nene subplot. we didn't know who would be playing jojo then. we just wrote his character.

looking back, i realized maybe it was really fate that brought our paths together...

you see, katorse was supposed to replace boystown. it was slated to air every sunday, after asap. but the management liked it so much they decided to make it an afternoon soap. you were still taping for boystown then, we didn't expect you to play the role of jojo...

when the management saw the pilot week, they put katorse in primetime block. and then you got the part of jojo.

that was the start of our "friendship."

a week before katorse aired on tv, i was in davao for kadayawan festival. imagine my delight when i learned the giggerboys would be there, too. i sent you a message on facebook, asking you if you were coming and if my niece could have a photo op with you. you gave me your cell phone number, and we met in davao.

katorse made us closer. whenever we'd visit the set, you would always find time to chat with us.

during that time, you were like my little brother, confiding in me personal stuff about your lovelife, sharing your kilig moments with this special person who brought smile to your face.
i saw you and her together in a party, you were so sweet and comfortable with each other, and i was actually hoping you'd end up with her.

(you and she didn't last, but hey, am happy for you right now -- alam mo iyan!)

i was in a creative meeting when you sent me a text message to say you just read the script and you liked the scenes that i wrote.

the enchanted kingdom scenes were my favorite scenes. i cried while writing those lines. and boy, was i elated, when you thanked me for those scenes, and told me you loved them. (until now, you still remember i wrote it and you claimed that those were your favorite scenes in katorse).

two years have passed. we never got to work again together. but whenever you'd see me, you'd say, "kailan tayo gagawa ng show ulit?"

when i was rushed to the hospital last january, you were there the first day. my friends told me you came from work and you got really worried and you immediately rushed to st lukes to visit me in the icu.

i learned that you even sent KTEXT messages to your fans, asking for prayers. i also learned that some of your fans also visited me while i was hospitalized, to think that i didn't even know them personally...

that was when i realized we weren't just workmates or colleagues. i was your "ate noreen" and your actions just confirmed how special our bond is.

you turn a year older tomorrow. from someone i didn't know in 2006, you have evolved to be one of the hottest leading men in the network. sobrang layo na ng narating mo. but you still haven't changed.

you're still that charming, boyish enchong, who could win us all over just by flashing that smile. you're still the matakaw and kuripot but endearing enchong we all love :)

i've said this before, will say this again, ikaw na ang pinakamabait na artistang nakilala ko... you're down to earth and compassionate, you're genuinely sweet, you're benevolent and very diligent.

some people are bringing you down, hounding you with malicious and nasty rumors but i do hope you won't let these affect you. you're a great actor with a very loving heart and you always rub us off your jolly disposition. i do hope you will remain to be that kind of person...

happy birthday, chong. i miss you so much. i hope we could work again, soon. i love you and always remember, your ate noreen will always be here for you.

11.1.11

2011-11-01T16:36:00.003+08:00

today is 11-1-11.

allergic na ako sa ganyang date. you see, my close friends remember that was my last fb status before i was rushed to the icu last january. "1:11 1.1.11" i posted the same thing at around 1 am in my twitter, before i tweeted my last post "antokyo, japan"

never really realized it but even my friends were traumatized about what happened to me.

i was chatting with claring the other day and i said, "tulog na ako... antokyo, japan na." and she said, "huwag kang ganyan! yan ang huling tweet mo bago ka na-ICU."

there were so many lessons i learned from that fateful day pero ang pinaka nag-stick sa akin, if you die, people will always remember what you said or did last before you passed on.

i'm very grateful that i'm alive and writing this blog entry but had i died that day, my last tweet would be "antokyo, japan."

anong point ng entry na ito? we don't know when we will die... we don't know if what we said, we tweeted, we texted, or posted in FB would be our last... and it's very important not to say, text, tweet or post something we don't want people to remember us by.

how i met your mother had this episode when marshall's dad died and he was recalling the last words his father told him. everyone also thought about their last words to their parents, and vice versa. that got me into thinking... i couldn't remember what my father's last words to me were. but i believe i told him thank you and i love you hours before he died. i also said, "pahinga ka na kung pagod ka na... "

may this be a reminder to those posting hurtful and angry tweets, those who always complain and rant and vent out angsts in their fb walls, those who enjoy cyber-bullying and maligning people on the web... you don't want those negative words to stick with you when you're gone, do you?

today is 11.1.11. my last fb status was "happy birthday to one of the kindest and most generous actors i've known, coco martin." my last tweet was about my bbm conversation with jessy mendiola. and my last text message had something to do with my email address.

what were yours?

isang blog entry tungkol sa sisig

2011-10-21T14:15:00.003+08:00

sa pilot week ng budoy, may character na namatay dahil kumain siya ng maraming sisig. tawang-tawa talaga ako noong nakita ko lahat ng tweets about sisig sa twitter.

sabi ni claring, baka daw kasi nabasa ng boss ko noon ang blog entries ko kaya nagamit iyong sisig sa eksena.

nasabi ko ba na while i was in the icu, may nagturo sa big boss ko about my blog at three days daw niya binabalikan ang blog ko para basahin ang mga kuwento ng buhay ko noon... nakakalokah! noong sinabi niya sa akin, kinuwento pa niya yung mga nabasa niya at nagtanong kung sino yung lalakeng iyun. mas nakakalokah!

nine months na ako hindi kumakain ng sisig. as in mula ng mahospital ako, kahit tumikim di ko ginawa. nag-lechon na ako. crispy pata. kare kare at lechon kawali. pero sisig? never...

nung huling nakakita ako ng sisig, yung videoke with alessandra. inalok sa akin yung sisig pero parang diring-diri ako.

possible pala iyun no? possible pala na iyong dating gustong-gusto mo, ni ayaw mo na tingnan ngayon...

(kung hindi mo naintindihan ang entry na ito, hanapin sa kanan ng blog na ito ang mga may tags na sisig at maiintindihan mo :) )

muntikan

2011-10-21T13:46:00.002+08:00

noong monday, muntikan na ako magbayad ng reservation fee para sa isang condo. as in buti na lang di ko dala cheke ko or else nag issue na ako. it was so tempting. yung amortization ng downpayment, same amount lang ng binabayaran ko sa renta ko ngayon. tapos pwede mag-umpisa sa march next year. at yung balance, kaya ko naman na siguro ipunin iyun ng three years. as in i was thisclose to buying a condo. buti na lang nahimasmasan ako. naalala ko, may half a million utang pa ako dahil sa aneurysm ko. kailangan ko muna bayaran yun bago ako kumuha ng magagastusan.

kahapon, muntikan na ako sumama sa hongkong-macau trip ng mga friends ko sa abs. nakuha nila iyong ticket nila noong august pa. promo kasi. binubuyo nila ako na sumama. hindi pa ako nakakapag hk at macau. gusto ko mag disneyland. gusto ko magshopping. naisip ko, kaya siguro hindi muna ako bumili ng condo, para magtravel daw muna ako ng magtravel. kagabi, tumingin na ako ng tickets online. iyong friend kong si danica, nagpadala na ng link ng hotel and tours na kukunin namin. hawak ko na ang credit card ko at isang click na lang, may ticket na ako to hk and macau. pero nahimasmasan ulit ako. 15k ang hotel and airfare. 20k ang masayang pocketmoney. 35k ang gagastusin ko sa biyaheng iyun. bigla akong napatingin sa bagong biling recliner na inuupuan ko. katumbas na sya halos ng hotel at airfare at hindi pa bayad yun. kaya ni-close ko ang window ng cebupac at nag bbm kay danica para sabihing pass na muna ako dahil ang dami ko ng gastos sa buwan na ito.

angdami ko gusto gawin. ang dami kong gusto bilhin. ang dami kong gusto puntahan. pero hindi tulad ng dati, mas conscious na ako ngayon sa pera ko... sabi ko nga sa blog entry na ito, kailangan ko muna maghigpit sinturon. nakakalimutan ko na naman magtipid noong unti-unti na namang pumasok ang sunod-sunod na TF pero buti, napipigilan ko ang sarili ko. muntik-muntikan lang...

ano ba pangarap mo?

2011-10-17T00:06:00.004+08:00

ten years ago, year 2001, na-define ko na sa sarili ko kung ano talaga ang pangarap ko... dream ko magsulat sa tv o sa sine. gusto ko makita ng mga tao ang pangalan ko sa screen tapos sasabihin nila, "uy, si noreen capili! kilala ko iyan... i went to high school/college with her." ang simple at ang babaw lang ng pangarap ko pero ten years ago, parang napakahirap nito abutin.

noong 2001, nagtatrabaho ako sa isang maliit na kompanya sa ortigas bilang technical writer. ano ang technical writer? nagsusulat ng manual. 9am to 6pm ang trabaho pero madalas, wala akong ginagawa... mag-internet lang at mag-blog. and i was so miserable sa buhay ko. kasi, anlayo ng ginagawa ko sa gusto ko talagang gawin. pero naisip ko. tumatanggap ako 13k a month. okay na ito...

noong 2003, lumipat ako ng trabaho. sikat at multinational na kompanya. -- magsaysay group of companies. 14k ang suweldo bilang web writer. nagsusulat ng mga article para sa website ng mga seafarers. after six months, naging regular employee ako at napromote sa pagiging web editor. nagkaroon ng increase sa suweldo. stable na kompanya. maraming benefits. nasabi ko sa sarili ko. "ang ganda dito... i see myself growing old in this company."

and then i remembered my dream of writing for tv and movies. iyong best friend kong si bim, pinautang ako ng pera para makabili ako ng sariling computer. bumili ako ng clone pc sa greenhills, 12k! (isang taon kong hinuhulugan ng 1k a month ang utang na iyun!)

that year, nalaman ko na ang college professor ko na isang creative head sa gma ay may gagawing workshop/mentorship para sa gustong magsulat sa tv. nag-apply ako. hindi ako natanggap.

year 2004, habang nasa opisina ako sa 38 floor sa ayala avenue, nakita ko sa web na may writing workshop sa abs-cbn. nag-apply ako. after one week, sinabi ni claring, may workshop din daw ang gma. nag-apply ulit ako. tapos heto pa, may workshop din ang star cinema... nag-apply din ako!

in october 2004, sabay-sabay akong nag-apply sa tatlong workshop. at dalawa ang tumanggap sa akin -- abs-cbn at star cinema.

january 2005. sabay din akong kinausap ng abs-cbn at star cinema. pareho nila akong gustong kunin na writer. sabi ko, "shet! heto na iyun!" kaso, may trabaho ako sa makati. ano gagawin ko? so i asked direk joey reyes. hindi kami close that time. pero naglakas loob ako na magtanong sa kanya. "ano po gagawin ko?"

he told me to choose abs-cbn over star cinema. pero i shouldn't leave my job in magsaysay. "walang kasiguraduhan ang showbiz. hindi stable. kung wala kang show, wala kang susuwelduhin... "

two years after i started writing for abs-cbn, i quit my corporate job. isang malaking bahala na iyun. pero hindi ko pinagsisisihan... ginawa ko iyun para matupad ang simple at mababaw na pangarap ko.

ngayon, laging sinasabi ng mga kaklase ko na tuwang-tuwa sila kapag nakikita nila ang pangalan ko sa tv. lagi daw nila pinagmamalaki na "kilala ko iyang si noreen capili na iyan! kaklase ko iyan noong high school."

ang daming "what if" sa buhay ko... kung natanggap ako sa workshop na unang inapply-an ko. magiging writer sa tv pa rin ba ako? sa gma na ba ako? kung pinili ko ang star cinema over abs-cbn, nagka-pelikula na kaya ako? kung hindi ako nagresign sa magsaysay, mabibigyan kaya ako ng break ng abs na magsulat sa soap?

pero heto lang ang masasabi ko... dahil sa blog ako ng blog noong technical writer ako sa ortigas nahasa ang writing skills ko. sa magsaysay, habang naghahanap ng news para sa mga seafarers, doon ko nakita ang news item tungkol sa abs-cbn workshop. dahil sa makati office ako nagka-lovelife, nagamit ko ang mga karanasan ko sa mga sinusulat ko.

at narealize ko, kung may pangarap ka pala, at gusto mo talaga mangyari ito, gagawa ng paraan ang universe para makuha mo ito... anlayo ko na doon sa noreen ten years ago na nangangarap makita ang pangalan sa screen pero grateful ako sa mga trabaho ko at mga pinagdaanan ko dahil iyun ang ginagamit ko sa pagtupad ng pangarap ko.

ten years ago, malinaw kong sinabi sa sarili ko kung ano talaga ang pangarap ko. seven years ago, gumawa ako ng paraan para matupad iyun. and this year, isa ako sa mga kapamilya awardee dahil five years na ako sa abs-cbn.

ikaw, ano ang pangarap mo?

published

2011-10-06T01:59:00.002+08:00

in 2007, i joined philippine star's essay-writing contest and won. my article was published on september 2. it was about being brokenhearted, being bitter, and moving on.

four years after, i got featured in the october 3 issue of philippine star. my doctor had a column and she mentioned my case and included my story...

here's what i wrote...

Life can really be unpredictable. One minute, you’re chatting and having fun with your friends, the next minute, you’re being wheeled in to the emergency room of a hospital before finally falling into deep stupor.

That was what happened to me one fateful night in January of this year. I had late dinner with my friends from work, stayed in the office till one in the morning, went home, and just when I was about to go to sleep, it happened – the worst headache of my life.

I can’t describe how it felt – but I just knew that it was the worst headache of my life. I felt dizzy and feared I would pass out anytime. I decided to lie down and sleep on it but the pain worsened. I stood up and started throwing up. I didn’t really know what I was going through but I was certain that it was something serious, life-threatening, perhaps, and that I had to go to the hospital that very minute.

Suffering from headache is the most common nervous system disorder. We all have them in different types and forms – migraine, tension headache, headache due to hang over, headache caused by hunger and dehydration, etc. I have experienced all types of headaches and I usually try to get rid of the discomfort by taking pain killers. But then the headache I felt that time was new to me. The pain was excruciating, as though my head just exploded, followed by nausea and diarrhea. So I mustered all my remaining strength to call a friend who was living in the same building and ask for help.

Everything was a blur after that phone call. I have vague recollection of my friend telling me that he was going to bring me to St Luke’s Medical Center, Quezon City. I wanted to oppose and suggest another hospital but I was too weak to talk or even just open my eyes so I acquiesced. I remember being wheeled in to the emergency room of St Luke’s as the doctor and nurses attended to me and asked questions. And then I lost consciousness. And woke up four days after.

I was told that I had a massive subarachnoid hemorrhage secondary to ruptured aneurysm. I was brought immediately to the Neurocritical Care Unit (NCCU), where I was slowly deteriorating and falling into coma. In lay man’s term, an artery in my brain burst and was bleeding. And if the bleeding could not be controlled, I would die.

But I didn’t.

Days after I was conscious and sober enough to understand how critical my situation was, I learned that St Luke’s is the first hospital in the Philippines that has NCCU with a dedicated neuro-intensivist. Recently headed and directed by Dr Geraldine Mariano, the NCCU is a unit of St Luke’s that was created to specialize in acute brain injuries and other severe neurological ailments.

I was in the NCCU for two weeks and I underwent craniotomy to clip the ruptured aneurysm under neurosurgeon Dr Peter Rivera. And one week after my surgery, I was walking out of the hospital on my own two feet.

Doctors said it was a miracle that I survived without impairment. Two months after my surgery, I reported to work, and people were saying it’s as though nothing happened to me… I was back to my normal self. And there were no indications that I suffered a massive stroke and almost died.

Indeed, it wasn’t my time yet. And God certainly used people and institutions as His instruments to interfere and keep me alive. Seven months after that incident, here I am, wondering, had I been brought to another hospital, would I still be alive right now? Without the immediate intervention by the NCCU and the implementation of revolutionary and modern techniques and protocol, would I be able to pound on my keyboards and write this article?

I am a strong and agile woman in my 30s and yet I had a stroke and almost died. The series of headaches were warning signs that I ignored and almost caused me my life. I am sharing my story with you as a reminder that little things such as headaches can be life-threatening.

things i learned while videoke-ing with alessandra

2011-10-01T14:24:00.005+08:00

alessandra and i have been planning to meet up for videoke since june/july. pero dahil sa hindi magkatugma ang mga schedules namin, hindi natutuloy. pero finally, natuloy. buti na lang natapos ko ginagawa kong script. na-late nga lang ako isang oras at paos na si alex nung dumating ako pero still, it was fun. we spent four hours singing our favorite songs.

i already mentioned in my previous entries that it's creepy how alex and me are alike.

in november 2006, i saw an interview of her in tv patrol. and she said something like "ayoko na. alam ko ilang beses ko na sinabing ayoko na pero this time, talagang ayoko na. sana ipagdasal niyo ako na talagang di na ako bumalik sa kanya." nag blog entry ako about it and sinabi ko na alessandra ang itawag nyo sa akin...

when i met her personally last year and became her friend, i realized that she's the younger, prettier and sexier version of me.

and nung nag videoke kami... confirmed! hindi kami nag-uusap ng mga songs na ipapasok. pero lahat ng songs na pinasok ko, favorite niya. at lahat ng songs na kinakanta niya, favorite ko.

swept away. end of the line. i need you now. linger. insensitive. what might have been. you're in love. goodbye girl. you'll see.

at iyong kanta ko sa ex ko, kanta din niya sa ex niya. yung kanta ko sa crush ko, kanta din niya sa crush siya.

sayang walang i can't make you love me, without me, saka bitch. pareho din namin gusto iyun.

and i realized... oo, she's an actress. sikat. mayaman. pero she's like us -- vulnerable. emotional. romantic.

walang pinipili ang broken heart. kahit sino, pinagdadaanan ito. at lahat ng tao, kahit ano man ang relationship status, nakakarananas ng kalungkutan at loneliness, ke may kasama man siya o nag-iisa.

song of the moment: who do you think you are, runnin' round leaving scars... collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart - christina perri, jar of hearts

quote for the day: "kung hanggang ngayon di mo pa rin malimutan ang ex mo, isipin mo na lang, 110M na ang populasyon sa Pilipinas. marami pang lalaki para sa iyo," -- tweet ko nung isang araw.

what i learned recently: 110 million na pala ang populasyon sa Pinas. kailangan ko itanong yan sa friend ko para maging accurate kasi nilagay ko yan sa script.

something familiar...

2011-09-29T02:58:00.003+08:00

got this in my message board:

"Hi Ms. Noreen. Just want to thank you kase reading back your posts tagged kasentihan is really a great help with what I'm going through right now. Thank you."

wow. tagal na nun... and still, napapakinabangan pa rin ng mga tao ang mga kasentihang naisulat ko years ago...

didn't realize may mga nagbabasa pa pala ng blog ko. kaya nga once, when i was with my friends, claring mentioned something about my blog entry. nagulat ako. "nagbabasa ka ng blog ko?"

so ilai and claring are still reading my blog. sa panahon kasi ng twitter, at facebook, at tumblr, napakaraming interesting websites na and blogs are starting to bore people...

i checked my blogcity... dati, every entry, i'd get at least 5 comments. ngayon, masuwerte na kung may isang comment. kaya i thought wala na nagbabasa ng blog ko... kaya puro walang kwenta na sinusulat ko.

so seriously, may nagbabasa pa pala ng blog ko? who has been reading my blog the longest? sino dito ang nakilala ako from peyups? sino dito ang galing pa sa luma-lumang blog ko? i miss the familiar names na nagpopost ng comment... did they stop reading and leaving comments because i stopped visiting their blogs? hmmmm....

song of the moment: but someday i'll be living in a big old city. and all you're ever gonna be is mean - mean, taylor swift

quote for the day: "the future is scary. but you just can't run back to the past because it's familiar. it's tempting. but it's a mistake," - barney and robin, how i met your mother season 6 finale.

what i learned recently: may friend ako, may kakilala siya, ang apelyido ay magaling. pinangalan nila sa anak nila, janka. janka magaling. award!

the tale of the storyteller

2011-09-21T00:24:00.002+08:00

i remember, when i was 10 years old, during lunch break, i'd recount my dreams to my classmates. dreams that were detailed, long and vivid. some were real. others were fabricated. and that was how i became a storyteller.

when i was 8 or 9, i started playing "bote-bote." i collected all the used bottles in our house -- from alcohol to shampoo to nail polish. and then, i assigned names and characters to these bottles. alcohol was named al. he was the eldest brother. his siblings were perfumes, shampoo, nail polish, lipstick. and i'd start my game with all of them waking up and going to work or school, depends on the character i assigned to them. and then i'd spend hours playing on how they'd live their lives, what the problems they were facing, and how they would solve each problem.

looking back, i realized i am still doing the "bote-bote" game now. with my scripts. i'd still create characters, assign name and personalities to them, give them problems and see how they solve them. but instead of the alcohol, perfume and shampoo bottles, they are now real people. artists. celebrities.

careful, careful...

2011-09-17T01:41:00.002+08:00

sinabi ng friend kong si michiko sa blog niya (di ko na ili-link, baka ayaw niya magpa-stalk) na andali na lang mag-stalk ng tao ngayon dahil sa fb, twitter at foursquare. lalo na ang foursquare! isang check lang doon, alam mo na kung nasaan ang taong isa-stalk mo.

may four square ako. pero hindi ko ina-accept ang invites ng kung sino lang. thus, puro kakilala ko lang iyong nakakaalam kung nasan ako. minsan nili-link ko sa fb (na puro kakilala ko lang din ang friends ko) or twitter kung nasa matao at safe na lugar ako like malls, or sa abs. hindi ko brino-broadcast kung san ako nakatira or saan ako naglalamyerda. but still, my friend mich has a point. ingat lang sa pag-post ng inyong whereabouts.

iba na ang web ngayon. dati, mga 10 years ago, nagba-blog ako ng walang nakakakilala sa akin. noringai na ang username na gamit ko pero hindi naman lahat ng tao alam ang blog. ngayon, kahit iyong mga pamangkin ko, nababasa na ang blog ko.

my niece steffi once said, "tita, i read your blog. who's c and sb?" and i was shocked. steffi was only 4 when i started blogging. i never thought this day would come -- my nieces would grow old, have free access to the internet, and lots of vacant time to google me and read my blog.

wala na iyong first two blogs ko (sa opendiary saka sa blog-city) pero still, i cringe whenever i think of my family members reading my entries in multiply and blogger.

heck, even my big boss reads my blog. he told me last week. habang nasa hospital daw ako noon, may nagsabi daw sa kanya (my guess is my former director who chanced upon my blog while he was searching for a common friend) at yun na, ilang oras daw niya binasa ang mga kuwento ng buhay ko.

so dapat talaga mag-ingat sa lahat ng sinasabi at nilalagay sa internet. kasi may repercussion iyan sa present, or they will come to haunt you years from now.

magkano ang buhay mo?

2011-09-14T19:06:00.002+08:00

kapag nakakarinig ako ng mga kidnap for ransom cases, napapatanong ako, magkano kaya ang value ng buhay ng isang tao?

and this year, naisip ko, parang may maisasagot na ako kung magkano ang value ng buhay ko -- 2 million.

some of you know i had ruptured aneurysm last january. was in the icu, comatose, and had brain surgery.

at ang second life ko ngayon, dalawang milyon ang halaga. dahil yun ang ginastos namin sa hospital at sa mga doctor...

***

the other week, my colleague was talking about a condo for sale. tinuro ko lang iyong stitches sa noo ko at sinabing, "heto, heto ang condo at kotse ko ngayon..."

she said sayang yung dalawang milyon. nakakapanghinayang. pero sagot ko, "buhay naman ako."

kahit siguro limang milyon o dalawang daang milyon pa iyan, kung ang kapalit naman ang buhay ko -- okay lang. kahit sino naman siguro yun ang gagawin. buhay naman talaga ang pinaka mahalaga.

hindi lahat nabibigyan ng chance para mabuhay.

***
oo nga andami kong namimiss gawin. andami kong sakripisyo at pagtitipid at pagku-compromise dahil sa ginastos ko. hanggang ngayon nagsusulat ako para makabayad ng utang.

pero hindi naman ako pinapabayaan ni Lord. sobrang galing nga eh, He uses people around me as an instrument.

noong bumalik ako sa work noong march, isang milyon ang utang ko. pero six months after, kalahati na lang. sana tuloy-tuloy na work pa, at mabubura na ang utang na iyan in one year.

***
hanggang ngayon, i am still haunted by what happened to me. kapag nahihilo ako or sumasakit ulo, napapa-paranoid na ako. until now, natatakot pa rin ako kapag naaalala ko iyong gabing nasugod ako sa hospital. and my family and friends -- iyong scare na nabigay ko sa kanila -- ayoko na maulit. kawawa nanay ko. ayoko na ma-stress ang mga kaibigan ko. huwag na sana maulit...

kaya am taking care of myself more...

***
magkano ang value ng buhay mo? hindi 2 million or 200 million. dahil ang buhay -- priceless. hindi kayang tapatan ng pera. malalaman mo lang ito, kapag naranasan mo na muntikan na itong mawala sa iyo. doon mo lang mare-realize, hindi kayang tumbasan ng pera ang fact na andito ka pa sa mundong ito, kasama ang mga taong mahal mo...

eh sa ganun talaga eh...

2011-09-01T01:44:00.006+08:00

when a strong earthquake hit manila, he called overseas to check on you.
at around 12 midnight on your birthday, he was the first person to call and greet you.
the last time you had an early morning flight to davao, he fetched you in quezon city and drove you to the airport.

these were sweet gestures from someone who once told you he's an oatmeal... he's good for the heart.

too bad you're just good friends. just friends.

this entry is brought to you by PMS and #umuulankasiatmalapitnapasko

how i spent my birthday

2011-08-27T22:57:00.006+08:00

with my inay, direk joey reyeswith the really guwapo jm de guzman

with my "savior" and neighbor, joel mercadowith my friends from abs, danica, erwin, and ivan

with my green rose family and ogie diazwith jessy mendiola and ivan

with my super love, alessandra de rossi

with my doctor and nurses in st luke's.

with my bestest and closest friends ilai, claring and jan

me at pearl farm

jet skiing at pearl farm. saya!

postcard post kuno

indak-indak sa kadayawan

wiiiiii

2011-08-24T00:15:00.002+08:00

thank you, Lord, for today... this is a really special day after what i've been through this year.

wan tru lab

2011-08-14T00:45:00.003+08:00

"ano ka ba, twenty years ka na naghahabol sa kanya. kung talagang para kayo sa isa't isa, sana noon pa. kaya awat na teh. tigil mo na ang ilusyon mo na magkakatuluyan kayo." --> a line from a wansapanataym script i wrote. ipapalabas na next saturday. wan tru lab ang title. isa siya sa pinaka-masayang script na nasulat ko. hindi ako nakakarelate.

yung first draft ng script, tawang-tawa ako. mahirap gumawa ng script na nakakatawa. kaya bago magsulat, kinondisyon ko muna sarili ko. at nung sinubmit ko yung draft one, tinext ako ng EP ko. hindi pa daw nya tapos basahin, tawa na siya ng tawa sa mga dialogues. tapos nag text sya ulit. "nakakatawa ang script mo." sabi ko sa kanya, andami ko na nasulat na wansa, ngayon lang siya nagtext na natawa siya.

sabi din ng mga boss ko, nakakatawa ang script. kaso, hindi nila gusto yung kuwento. so sa draft two, ibang-iba na ang script. hindi ko lang alam kung lalabas pa rin na nakakatawa dahil nabago na mga eksena.

mahirap magsulat ng komedi. mahirap magsulat ng nakakakilig. mahirap magsulat. period. pero sa tuwing nakakatapos ako ng script, masaya ako. kaya ayos lang iyun hirap kung may kasunod naman na saya...

birthday blues

2011-08-11T01:11:00.003+08:00

birthday month ko na. in less than two weeks, birthday ko na. last week, nag-text, email at bbm na ako sa mga tao. inviting them to my birthday celebration. ito ang pinaka-engrande at mahal na birthday celebration ko. pero kasi naman, thanksgiving na rin to. sabi ko nga sa mga tao, this is my first birthday on my second life. kaya sige, isang malaking thanksgiving.

***

nung first week ng august, naramdaman ko na masenti. birthday blues. it's not okay, but it's normal. lahat ng tao pinagdadaanan ito. pero after how many days, okay na ulit ako. back to my usual kikay at kenkay self.

***

napag-uusapan na rin lang ang birthday, napa-reminisce ako sa mga naging birthdays ko in the past. mahigit tatlong dekada na rin naman ako nagbi-birthday. wala na lang banggitin ng year ha... pero magkukuwento lang ako...

noong 9th birthday ko, grade 3 ako sa assumption davao. may mga nagrarally malapit sa school. nagkaroon ng riot. so ang mga rallyista, tumakbo sa school namin para magtago. nagkagulo sa buong assumption. natigil ang mga klase. nagtago sila sa kumbento ng mga madre. takot na takot kami lahat. takbuhan galore. nakasabay ko sa pagtakbo iyong crush ko. tapos nahiwalay kami sa ibang kaklase namin. kami lang iyong nakarating sa 3rd floor. kami iyong magkasama. nagkakagulo na sa baba, pero kalandian pa rin ang nasa isip ko...

noong 16th birthday ko, kasama ko ang mga barkada ko -- si ilai, si ching, si jing at bilay. nanood kami ng sharon cuneta movie... tapos, kumain kami ng pizza. nilibre ko sila. first time ko nanlibre. noong high school kasi ako, hirap talaga kami sa pera. tatlong college (dalawa sa ateneo, isa sa UP) kasi pinapaaral nila plus ako. taxi driver ang tatay ko, may tindahan ang nanay ko. hindi kami mayaman. kaya noong binigyan ako ng pera dahil birthday ko, sobrang tuwang-tuwa ako. pero sa halip na ibili ko ng gusto ko, nilibre ko ang mga kaibigan ko. and isa iyun sa pinakamasayang birthday ko...

noong 20th birthday ko, dormer na ako noon sa UP. the night before my birthday, nag SM north kami. kasama ko iyong guy na super like ko. at iyong dalawang friends niya. binigyan niya ako ng stuffed toy na palaka. tinawag kong Olabs iyong stuffed toy. while i was out, hindi ko alam, iyong mga dormmates ko, may plinaplanong surprise na pala... pag-uwi ko sa dorm, birthday ko na, nagulat ako, nagkalat sa walls ng lobby ng dorm hanggang sa kuwarto ko, mga posters na gawa ng friends ko. surprise nila sa akin. lahat sila -- all 20 of them -- may gawang malalaking posters para sa akin. isa yun sa pinakamasayang birthday ko. first time na may nag-surprise sa akin. ang sarap pala kapag sinosopresa ka ng mga tao sa birthday mo -- i felt so loved.

noong 22nd birthday ko. lahat kami ng mga barkada ko, nasa first job na, or naghahanap ng trabaho. wala kaming pera. kumain lang kami sa greenwich. tapos doon kami nag-stay sa apartment ng barkada kong si ibiang -- lima kami noon. bumili kami ng tanduay. at dahil wala kaming pera. tubig ang chaser namin. lasing kami. pero masaya. laugh trip si cel at si ibiang, tawa lang sila ng tawa.

noong 23rd birthday ko, nag-a-apartment na ako with bim and lichelle. nagwo-work na ako bilang writer sa isang magazine. first time ko nag-party. claring baked an apple pie for me tapos nagbigay siya ng stuffed toy galing sa star animation, ang kanyang first job.

noong 24 ako. may dalawa akong crush at isang ka-pseudo relationship. at noong 24th birthday ko, nag-party ulit ako. at silang tatlo, andun! nakakaloka lang. iyun ang huling party ko noong 20s ako. magastos kasi mag-party...

noong 25 ako. walang party. walang celebration. pero sinorpresa na naman ako ng mga friends ko. i was supposed to meet my friend lhen sa megamall. na-depress daw sya kaya kailangan niya kausap. birthday ko yun, dapat moment ko iyun pero sumige ako. nagkita kami sa megamall. at pagdating ko ng mega, nagulat ako -- andun lahat ng close friends ko. sinopresa ako. nag dinner kami at nag-videoke. iyun ang last na birthday ko na may nag-surprise sa akin...

noong 30th birthday ko. nag bangkok ako with claring and jan. first out of the country trip. hindi pa uso ang sale ng cebupac noon kaya medyo malaki ang gastos. 16k ata pamasahe at hotel namin. sobrang grateful ako kay jan at claring na sinamahan nila ako. kahit na lahat kami, hirap sa pera that time.

31st birthday ko, nag party ulit ako. self-centered kasi talaga ako. gusto ko ng party. gusto ko ng masaya. plus, may lovelife ako nito. sa pool area ng condo namin sa mandaluyong. dapat swimming party. pero walang nagdala ng swimsuits. kaya ayun, party by the pool na lang...

33rd birthday ko. the day before my birthday, nag rent ako ng bar sa QC. ito ang pinakamagastos ko na party. kinse mil ata ginastos ko. pero kumikita na rin kasi ako sa abs, saka parang sharing the blessing na rin. andun halos lahat ng kaibigan ko. it was a fun night. and then noong mismong birthday ko, tumawag nanay ko. sinugod daw sa ICU ang tatay ko. umuwi agad ako ng davao. birthday ko, nasa eroplano ako. umiiyak. hindi ko alam kung dadatnan ko ng buhay ang tatay ko. dahil sa pagka-ICU ng tatay ko, doon namin nalaman na may cancer na pala siya.

last year, first birthday ko na wala na ang tatay ko. at first birthday ko na may kontrata na ako sa abs. kaya nag-celebrate din ako, parang thanksgiving na rin with my friends from the network. biglaan lang. sa isang resto sa tomas morato. umattend ang mga boss ko. andun lahat ng friends ko from the network. may psychic na nagkataong nandoon sa resto na iyun. hinulaan nya ako. di ko na matandaan ang mga sinabi niya. pero parang winarningan niya ako na ingatan ko ang health ko...

nag agaw-buhay ako last january. last year could have been my last birthday. pero mabait si Lord. binigyan pa niya ako ng chance... kaya heto, sa birthday ko, may bonggang-bonggang party. parang pasasalamat. kasi andito pa rin ako. kasi, buhay pa ako. at maraming dahilan para maging masaya ako...

wala akong karapatan mag birthday blues. maraming nagmamahal sa akin. maganda ang takbo ng career ko (my binondo girl, sa aug 22 na!) at higit sa lahat... buhay ako...parang hindi ako na-coma, parang walang nangyari...

wala akong karapatan magsenti at magpatalo sa birthday blues...

para kang password...

2011-07-28T22:12:00.004+08:00

"para kang password... hindi ko puwede kalimutan. pero puwede kong palitan." pak. nasagap ko lang sa net. at natuwa na ako. at may naalala.

iyong password ko sa email at sa lahat ng acount ko sa net (fb, twitter, forum, etc) ay iisa... at ilang taon ko na password yun. kapag nagkakaroon problema sa pag log in or kapag nagkakaroon threat na ma-hack, pinapalitan ko. pero ilang araw lang, balik din ako sa dating password. kasi iyun ang nakasanayan ko...

oo... nakasanayan na. parang chocolate pudding jelly bean lang.

"single na ulit si C," text ko kay ilai at claring a few weeks ago. nakita ko sa fb! wala na sila ng dyowa nya. heto na naman si chocolate pudding jelly bean. heto na naman ang lumang password.

oo, puwede kong palitan ang password. pero i choose not to... antanga lang...

"what if kayo pala talaga, no?" sabi sakin ni ilai. "wala na, lipas na," i told her. "sana noon pa..."

this isn't love... this is nostalgia.

dear alex

2011-07-19T23:37:00.005+08:00

this time last year, we were already "twitter friends." i still remember the first time we talked... it was april last year. i presented the story of your new soap and i noticed you were listening intently, even reacting every now and then as i narrated the story of our new show.

after the presentation, while i was getting food at the table, you walked behind me. and i told you, "fina-follow kita sa twitter." we weren't formally introduced but i mustered all my courage to talk to you. i never expected you'd be so friendly as i blabbered about how i enjoyed reading your tweets. that night, you "followed" me on twitter.

you weren't the first celebrity who followed me on twitter, but you were the most memorable. you see, before our first meeting, you were already one of my favorite stars. ive always admired your acting prowess since your first movie. when a friend and i conceptualized an indie film, you were the only actress we had in mind. plus, i liked your personality, your spunk, and how you express what you feel, regardless of what other people think or say about you. i was surprised to find an old blog entry about you and your lovelife in 2006, and how i could relate to you... even before we met, there was a reason why i was drawn to you. so when you transferred to the kapamilya network in 2008, it had been my dream to write for you.

when we started developing the new show, Geena Rallos was already my favorite character. imagine how ecstatic i was when i learned you would be playing Geena Rallos. hands down, you were perfect. no other actress could give justice to the role.

not everyone knew that we almost lost you. i still have the dm you sent me, saying goodbye because you'd no longer play the role, and wishing we'd work again soon. i cried when it was confirmed that another actress would play Geena Rallos. but i didn't lose hope. i prayed. and indeed, when something is meant for you, whatever happens, it will be yours... and so, you were back. you told me, "para lang ako nakipagbalikan sa dyowa."

that got me inspired to write Geena Rallos' story. before writing your dialogues, i'd listen to heartbreaking songs to get me in the mood. we were exchanging song titles in twitter and music connected us more. surprisingly, despite our age gap, we had the same taste in music. and i was elated that you sent me the song that you composed for the show.

through twitter, texts, music, and Geena Rallos, we became more than "workmates." when i was hospitalized, you visited me. your mother never ceased to send me messages and pray for me. you had pasalubong for me after your trip to korea. you shared your experiences and stories to me. and the more you talked about your life, the more i realized we were so alike -- you were the sexier, prettier and younger version of me.

when you invited me to your house to have dinner with you and your mother, that was when i realized how special our friendship is. and as i got to know you better, i admired you more... not only because you're a talented actress, but because you're one of the kindest persons i've met. i told your mother she did well in raising such a wonderful daughter.

not everyone is lucky to know the real you. and i feel bad for those who think that just because you speak your mind, just because you're loud and frank and assertive, they start to judge who you really are. they don't know that behind the mataray features and the acerbic tongue is a person with a benevolent heart, a woman with all the right values in tact. and im blessed that i was given the chance to become your friend.

you turn a year older today. everyone has been greeting you and wishing you'd find the one. i wish you more than finding the man you deserve. i wish you peace of mind, happiness, and love from all your family and friends. you are a blessing to everyone around you, you have been making us happy by just being you and i know, in time, God will grant you your heart's desire. you're a wonderful person and you deserve to have all the good things in life.

thank you for the superb portrayal of the role of Geena Rallos. thank you for being a friend to me. thank you for making me laugh with all your tweets and hirits. thank you for your trust and confidence in me. but most of all, thank you for making me believe that in this showbiz world of hypocrisy and pretensions, there are still people like you -- good-hearted, real, generous and virtuous. there are still a few real artists who can be loyal and true friends, amidst the network wars and competing shows.

happy birthday, alessandra de rossi. hope to work with you again in the future.

naka-relate kay anna

2011-07-18T23:41:00.002+08:00

a couple of weeks ago, nakatutok ako sa 100 days to heaven. wala akong pinalampas na episode. sabi ko nga sa tweets ko, lahat ng babaeng iniwan at niloko ng lalaking minahal nila, makakarelate kay anna manalastas. ang galing lang ng pagkakasulat ng mga episodes na yun... at naki-iyak ako kay xyriel when she talked about her pain and her heartbreak.

at heto ang pasabog na linya... "pinapatawad na kita, not because you deserve it... pero kailangan ko na palayain ang sarili ko sayo..."

dahil sa episode na iyun, parang gusto ko hanapin iyong isang taong nanakit sa akin para sabihing pinapatawad ko na sya. kahit di naman siya humihingi ng sorry. pero dahil ayoko naman siya hanapin. dito ko na lang sasabihin...

pinapatawad na kita... ayoko magka-kalyo. kung nanoood ka ng 100 days, am sure, naiintindihan mo ang kalyo reference sa entry na ito :)

of friendships and departures

2011-07-17T14:15:00.004+08:00

earlier, i read direk joey's blog entry about the death of his friend. i texted him to say how touching his blog entry was, it even moved me to tears. he called me and recounted the times he stayed by his friend's side until the end. they were friends for more than four decades... i can't just imagine how painful it is to lose a friend who was a big part of your life.

"kilala mo naman ako, iyakin ako. nung na-hospital ka nga, iyak ako ng iyak," direk joey reminded me. but he stayed strong for his friend. he tried not to cry because he didn't want his friend to feel sad. he said he was holding his friend's hand as he made, to quote him, "the hardest impromptu speech of my life."

direk j asked me if i have friends whom i have known since i was a kid... "treasure your friends. sometimes, your friends know you more than your family and relatives..."

his blog entry made me remember the time i was rushed to the hospital last january. my headwriter/friend joel rushed me to st luke's. a few minutes after, my writer-friend danica arrived. danica called my other friends ilai and claring. ilai, coming from her shift that ended at 5am, went straight to st luke's. they didn't leave me until my mother and sister arrived that night. and yes, wala silang tulog that time...

when i was hospitalized, i realized who my real friends are... who visited and stayed with me, despite their busy schedules. i was in ICU, comatose, and very critical. come hell or high water, they wanted to see me, be with me, even if i was unconscious, even if i didn't know they were there...

before my aneurysm, i knew i was not a perfect friend. heck, im not sure if i was a good friend. but having these friends around me, i realized, i must have done something right, to deserve them in my life. and as i live my second life, im trying hard to become a better friend.

hindi na ako masyadong masungit at mainipin. mahaba na ang patience ko sa mga friends. bihira na ako mag-tantrums at magtampo. minsan, i told claring, "iyung old noreen galit na ngayon pero dahil mabait na ako, hindi ako magagalit..." (tinawanan lang ako nung sinabi ko yun, hayup na yun!) and as much as possible, im trying to be more generous and thoughtful to them -- pambawi ko lang sa kanila, for being reliable friends, for being with me and my family during the most difficult time of my life.

the aneurysm was life-changing for me, literally and figuratively. direk joey's blog entry about me was an eye-opener. hearing stories about my friends while i was in the icu has become an inspiration for me to be a better person, a better friend.

and to those reading this blog entry, don't wait for a life-threatening moment to make you realize how lucky you are to have good friends around you. ngayon pa lang, treasure your friends. minsan, sa sobrang close na natin, nate-take for granted na natin sila. we know they will always be there for us, and they will always forgive us. kaya okay lang minsan na ma-abuso sila. let us cherish our friends, love them, forgive them, and stay with them... kasi sa totoo lang, they are our real treasures in this life.

paranoia strikes at 3 in the morning

2011-07-16T03:34:00.000+08:00

patulog na ako... when paranoia hit me. napa internet bigla sa bb, tapos nag-delete ng blog entry. natatandaan ko, na-tweet ko ang name ng taong involved sa last blog entry ko. what if, tulad ko, kapag bored sya ay gino-google niya name nya? eh di mababasa niya tweet ko na nandun name nya. tapos mapupunta sya sa blog ko. at makikita nya ang blog entry ko about him.

praning lang siguro ako. sa internet, masyado na maliit ang mundo... dalawang araw ko pa lang sya ini-stalk sa google, andami ko na nalaman tungkol sa kanya. nakaka-takot kung ano pwede mo makita at malaman sa internet.

kaya dinelete ko na lang. pero di ko pa sya dinedelete sa isip ko (sabeh???)

aliw lang na sa kangaragan ko sa work, he's a welcome distraction...

kasentihan habang umuulan...

2011-06-25T14:11:00.003+08:00

today i reread my secret blog. as in it's soooo secret, nobody knows its url. not even claring or ilai or my best friend bim. i created it in june 2007. at doon ko lang nilalabas lahat ng ayokong mabasa ng mga tao especially my friends. and today, i reread it again. ampathetic lang. pero tawang-tawa na ako ngayon sa mga entries ko doon...

tama nga iyong sinasabi nila... if you're feeling like you're the most miserable person because of a heartbreak, yung pakiramdam mo hindi mo na kaya dahil ang sakit-sakit na at hirap ka to get up in the morning kasi you're weighed down by so much sadness... just live one day at a time. hindi mo mapapansin. okay ka na... at tatawanan mo na lang iyong nangyari sayo...

***

somebody asked me a question in formspring... takot na daw ba ako ma in love ulit. naging jaded na daw ba ako. nabasa kasi niya ang blog ko, hindi na daw kasi ako na in love ulit since 2007. four years... sabi ko, hindi naman sa naging jaded na ako. siguro mas cautious lang ako ngayon. i don't wanna fall in love again just for the heck of it. believe me, meron naman nagbibigay ng kilig. meron naman nagpapangiti. pero ayoko naman kasi na pangunahan. one word: self-preservation.

***
the last time i went out on dates was in 2008. with B. when i downloaded pictures in friendster last month, i saw my pics with B. napaisip ako whatever happened to us. okay naman kami. pero yun nga, gaya ng sabi ko that time, he may be someone i want, but he's not what i need.

ilai said na parang candy lang si b. masarap pero walang substance. and with him, i find myself doing things im not supposed to do... kaya ako na talaga ang umiwas.

the last time we saw each other, he told me he met someone... "writer din sya tulad mo... graduate din ng UP... parang ikaw."

hindi ko pinanghihinayangan na nawala si B. sa ilang buwan na magkasama kami, ibang saya din naman ang naramdaman ko. pero that time, hindi siya ang lalakeng kailangan ko... magiging yaya lang ang labas ko. i wonder where he is right now... and kung ano na sya... at kung nag-mature na sya. 28 na sya ngayon. sana lang nag mature na nga sya!

pero yun nga... kung may namimiss ako... iyong feeling na huli kong naramamdaman sa tuwing magkasama kami ni b. iyong hindi maalis-alis ang ngiti sa mukha ko whenever i think of him. yung kahit anong bola sabihin nya, naniniwala ako. yun ang namimiss ko ngayon. nobody has made me feel that kind of feeling now...

thoughts while sitting in my doctor's clinic

2011-06-09T13:44:00.001+08:00

i am blogging via my blackberry, as i sit here in st luke's, waiting for my doctor. naisip ko lang, neurologists and cardiologists are my favorite doctors. one checks my brain while the other takes care of my heart. o di ba, balanse. i never liked my gynecologists. they're my least favorite.

naisip ko din, mas mahal ang PF ng neuro kesa cardio. siguro dahil mas mahirap gamutin ang sakit sa utak kesa sakit sa puso. kung ako man papipiliin, I'd rather have a broken heart than an aneurysm. ay di pala sila magka-level. last jan lang ako nagka-aneurysm, di ko na matandaan when I last had my heart broken.

the other day, I got worried over something. susugod na sana ulit ako sa hospital. but when I chatted with claring, I realized i had to blame gindara for my condition. I will never eat gindara again! para akong nag-overdose sa xenical! may nagtanong sakin anu daw yung gindara. sinagot ko, kakagaling niya lang dito with 2ne1. waley.

mutya appreciation/thanksgiving merienda kahapon. naaliw ako sa sinabi ni ogie diaz, "mas maganda na maraming nakakanood ng pinagpaguran mo... kesa malaki nga ang TF mo, wala naman nanonood ng show mo..." I have to agree with him. pero mas maganda kung malaki na TF mo, marami pa nakakanood ng show mo.

naalala ko lang...

2011-05-22T15:37:00.005+08:00

the year was 2003. iyong scriptwriting teacher ko noong college, nag-announce na may writing workshop daw siya para sa gustong magsulat sa tv. creative head siya sa isang tv station. nag-apply ako. pero hindi ako nakasali sa workshop. i still keep the rejection email he sent me.

after one year, masaya na ako na web editor sa isang multi-national company sa ayala. nakita ko sa internet, may writing workshop ang abs. last day na ng submission noong nabasa ko. nag-half day ako sa work, pumunta ng abs para mag-submit ng entry. ang tanga ko lang, wala akong dalang resume. so sa likod ng sample work ko, sinulat ko ang name and contact number ko. pero they must have liked my entry that much at kahit wala akong resume, kahit hand-written lang iyong binigay ko, tinawagan ako. one year after... naging writer na ako sa abs-cbn via the sitcom my juan and only. at ngayon, i am living my dream -- writing for soap.

at ngayon naaala ko, paano kaya kung natanggap ako dun sa unang workshop? siguradong iba ang takbo ng buhay ko... pwedeng maging writer ako ngayon sa kabilang stasyon or pwedeng never ako naging TV writer.

anong point ng entry na ito... sobrang nadepress ako noong na-reject ako sa unang workshop, at kahit mahirap, tanggap ko na baka pang corporate job ako, kahit na dream ko talaga ang magsulat sa tv. pero may dahilan pala kung bakit hindi ako natanggap doon...

dahil ang fate ko pala ay maging writer ng abs-cbn.

lesson of the day: may mga bagay na gusto mo na hindi mo makukuha dahil may ibang plano ang Diyos para sa iyo...

i wish you knew...

2011-05-06T01:32:00.001+08:00

i wish you knew that when i first heard this song, the first person who came to my mind was you...

"all i know is that you're so nice... you're the nicest thing i've seen. i wish that we could give it a go, see if we could be something..."

sigh...

2011-05-06T01:06:00.001+08:00

on ipad2 and dyowa

2011-04-29T10:59:00.001+08:00

my friend d: 44k pa ang ipad 2. kaya ba natin maghintay (na magmura?)
me: oo, maghihintay tayo! tagal na natin naghihintay dyowa, kaya natin maghintay sa ipad 2.
my friend d: waaaaah, magkaiba yun!!! gagastusan natin to eh
me: puwede din naman tayo gumastos para magka-dyowa... chos!
my friend d: yun na lang pag-iipunan ko!!!

remembering aj perez

2011-04-19T01:38:00.003+08:00

the first script i wrote for aj perez was in july 2008 via your song presents impossible. he was with lauren, empress and dino. i knew nothing about him before that. except that he was one of the stars in about ur luv, groomed to be the next matinee idol of the station.

i met him personally in february 11, 2009. storycon iyun ng your song presents underage. habang nagpe-present ako ng kuwento, he was listening intently.

in march, we learned that we would be writing a your song episode for the gigger boys. to get to know them more, we spent an afternoon with them, to ask them questions, to get to know them better.

doon namin nakilala ng husto si aj. na makulit din pala siya. nakikipagbiruan with the boys. nakikipag-asaran. pero may sense siya na bata. pinagsasabay niya ang pag-aaral at showbiz. refined. magalang. he was close to enchong dee, dino imperial and chris gutierrez, siguro kasi pareho silang lahat taga la salle. at lahat sila nagkasama na sa about ur luv.

during the boystown storycon, as i was presenting the story, aj, as usual, was listening to the story and his character. parang ina-absorb niya talaga iyung kuwento. after i presented, lumapit siya sa akin to ask kung anong movies ang puwede niya panoorin para gawing peg sa character niya.

that was when i knew, seryoso sa craft nya ang batang ito. ilang beses na ako nag present sa storycon pero siya lang ang artista na nagtanong ng ganoon. it means, he was keen on improving his acting. kaya naghahanap siya ng means para mapabuti pa ito.

natatandaan ko, habang nagte-taping sila sa boystown, sa tuwing makakasalubong ko siya sa hallway, nagkukuwento siya tungkol sa mga eksenang shinoot nila. proud na proud siya kapag nakapagdeliver siya ng drama.

i remember when aj told me, "after your song presents underage, nag your song presents boystown naman. sana kasama ako sa next episode, para your song presents aj perez na. hahaha."

hindi man siya nakasama sa sumunod na your song episode, he got his biggest break via sabel, after one and a half year. hindi pa ako part ng creative team ng sabel noon at pumunta lang ako sa storycon para makikain. pero kahit na antagal naming hindi nagkita ni aj, natandaan pa niya ako at binati niya ako.

and then naging writer ako ng sabel. sa trade launch noong december, aj was raving about his role. gustong-gusto daw niya. nagbibiruan pa nga kami tungkol sa pagko-quote niya ng bible verses. that was the last time i talked to him... the last time i saw him was christmas party ng unit namin.

ilang beses ako dumalaw sa taping ng sabel pero hindi kami nagkikita. after the christmas break, naospital ako ng three weeks, and then i went home to davao, kaya hindi ako naka attend sa party ng sabel.

december ko siya last nakita. december kami huling nagkausap. at december din yata iyong huling tweet niya sa akin. sabi niya, ako daw ang dahilan kung bakit iyak ng iyak si sabel. and then he added na paganda ng paganda ang story ng sabel.

sayang lang na kung kelan nabigyan ng break si aj, saka pa siya nawala... ang daming nagtatanong, bakit siya pa? masyado pa siyang bata. marami pa siyang pangarap. sabi daw ng dad ni aj, sana siya na lang ang kinuha, huwag na si aj...

i remember the time when aj was talking about his father. he was teary-eyed as he shared he couldn't imagine life without his dad. siguro iyun ang dahilan bakit naunang kinuha si aj... to spare him from pain and misery...

dalawang gabi na ako pumupunta sa lamay ni aj. and overwhelming ang dami ng mga taong pumupunta sa chapel. ganoon kadami ang taong nagmamahal sa kanya... and lahat ng tao, iisa ang sinasabi kapag nakita siya... ang angelic ng mukha niya. he was so peaceful. para lang siyang mahimbing na natutulog...

on the second day, may tribute for aj. everybody talked about aj's smile. never siya sumimangot, never siya nagalit, wala siyang kaaway, lagi siyang nakangiti. such a sweet and pleasant kid.

malaking kawalan si aj sa showbiz. he could have been the next john lloyd or piolo or jericho. pero may dahilan ang lahat. sa ngayon, may isang angel na nadagdag sa langit, to watch over us. and im sure, he's smiling from heaven, as he sees the outpouring of love from the people he left behind.

may you rest in peace, aj... you will forever be missed...

dear ABS-CBN

2011-04-17T00:43:00.003+08:00

dear abs-cbn,

salamat sa incentive. sobrang saya ng lahat ng kapamilya noong biyernes. iyong iba, tigalgal. iyong iba, teary-eyed. hindi makapaniwala kung gaano kalaki iyong natanggap nila. parang pasko sa opisina. may mga napapasigaw. may napapatalon. grabee, lahat ng makasalubong ko, nakangiti. lahat masaya.

as for me, 3o mins ako nakapila sa cashier. iniisip ko, magkano kaya iyong makukuha ko? when it was my turn and the cashier gave me the check... napa "oh my God" ako sa sobrang gulat. and my close friends know hindi ako nag-o-oh my God... tapos, nangi-nginig ako. sobra.

salamat, abs-cbn. noong nasa office na ako, napayakap ako kay ms linggit tan sa sobrang saya. i heard from the people in the office, si ms linggit daw talaga ang reason kung bakit malaki iyong incentive. pinaglaban daw talaga ni ms linggit ang mga writers.

malaki ang utang ko sa iyo dahil sinagot mo ang balance ng hospital bills noong na-ospital ako. amount na dapat ay babayaran ko ng tatlong taon. pero dahil sa bonus na natanggap ko, malaki ang mababawas sa utang ko.

habang ang mga tao ay nagpaplano kung ano ang bibilhin nila sa perang natanggap, ako, ibabalik ko din sa iyo. pambayad-utang. salamat, abs-cbn. hindi ko inaasahan iyun. hindi namin inaasahan iyun. para kaming lahat nanalo sa lotto.

pero higit sa lahat, salamat din kay Lord. kasi alam niya ang pangangailangan namin. at nagpaulan siya ng blessing through the network. salamat sa lahat ng advertisers at mga political ads na pumasok last year... salamat... ang sarap talaga maging kapamilya.

kaka-miss

2011-04-14T12:29:00.004+08:00

namimiss ko na ang ganitong pakiramdam...

iyong hindi mo napansin na dumaan na pala ang sweldo at di ka kumuha ng TF sa cashier, kasi hindi pa ubos yung pera mo from your previous sweldo.

iyong keri mong gumastos ng 10,000 sa isang punta lang sa SnR

iyong di mo na pinag-iisipang ang mga binibili mo. iyong tipong may nakita ka lang na sale ng flatscreen TV, bumili ka agad kahit may tv ka pa. kasi sale eh.

iyong kapag kasama mo mga pamangkin mo, kahit ano gusto nila, kahit anong ituro nila, bibilhin mo para sa kanila.

iyong kapag may nabalitaan kang kaopisina na namatayan o naospital, o may magbibirthday at may surprise kayo, bigay ka agad ng pera, kebs sa amount.

iyong galante ka magbigay ng regalo. kahit hindi mo ka-close, gumagastos ka ng ilang libo sa regalo.

iyong shopping ka ng shopping ng damit at bag, kahit na marami pang damit sa closet mo na hindi mo nagagamit at umaapaw na ang kuwarto mo sa bag mo.

iyong kapag may bagong restaurant, susubukan nyo agad ng mga kaibigan mo.

iyong kapag may sale ang cebupac, book agad kayo ng flight sa kung saan. travel dito, travel doon.

iyong taxi ka lang ng taxi kasi tinatamad kang mag mrt or mag commute. or ayaw mong maglakad.

iyong wala kang pakundangan gumastos kasi iniisip mo, hindi naman nauubos ang pera mo. may dumarating tuwing suweldo.

ganyan ang lifestyle ko noon. feeling ko kasi, naghihirap ako kumita ng pera eh. i deserve to pamper myself. ibigay ko naman sa sarili ko. reward ko sa sarili ko.

pero ayun... nahospital ako.

iyong nagastos ko sa hospital, enough na para makabili na ako ng isang condo unit at isang kotse. at iyun ang unti-unti kong binabayaran ngayon.

iyong susuwelduhin ko in the next three years, mauuwi sa pambayad sa hospital bills.

kaya wala na munang shopping. wala na munang kain sa labas. wala na munang travel. wala na munang luho. natututo na akong mag mrt ulit at mag-bus or fx. sinasanay ko na sarili ko maglakad at kumain sa bahay.

noong huling uwi ko sa davao, at sinabi ko sa mga pamangkin ko na hindi na kami makakapag- girls day out (a tradition weve been doing for years. iyong ilalabas ko apat na pamangkin kong babae at magma-mall kami, nood sine, arcade, kain sa labas, at kahit anong kagastusan na sagot ko), kitang-kita ko ang disappointment sa mga mata nila.

"but it's a tradition!" sabi ni steffi. "hihingi ako pera kay daddy, ako na lang manlilibre sa iyo, tita."

ganito pala pakiramdam ng naghihirap. higpit-sinturon na lang.

pero sa tuwing naiisip ko iyong financial state ko ngayon, iniisip ko na lang, "at least buhay ako... hindi kayang bayaran ang buhay."

kaya oo, namimiss ko lahat ng ginagawa ko noon. may pagsisisi din. sana hindi ako naging maluho. sana hindi ako naging bulagsak sa pera. sana mas marami iyong naipon ko...

ikaw na nagbabasa nito, wala ka rin bang pakundangan gumastos? may this be a warning to you. learn from me... :)

if i were 21, i'd believe this...

2011-04-10T20:08:00.003+08:00

a transcript of the chat i had with someone ive known for more than 10 years...

him: mahal magandang hapon!
me: magandang hapon. kumusta ka na?
him: mababaliw na ako sa boredom dito
me: hehee. homesick? kelan ka uwi?
him: wala akong magawa dito, love. puro pc kaharap ko... december
me: hehe malapit na
him: oo, malapit na tayo magpakasal at magkababy!!!
me: wahahahahaa. teka lang naman. hindi ka pa nag propose no! nasan ang engagement ring?
him: sa december na lahat, minimina pa ang gold at ang diamond
me: kahit hindi diamond ok lang naman... kahit puwet ng baso ayos lang naman
him: uy... ayoko...gusto ko ng genuine...para forever
me: wahahahaa.
him: iyong nararamdaman ko para sa iyo hindi matutulad sa pwet ng baso...diamond para forever.....
me: ang deep.
him: huwag mong gamitin brain mo sa pag analyze gamitin mo heart mo para madali mong maintindihan...
me: hahahahaha kung puro kasi heart, lagi na lang ako umiiyak in the end...
him: dalawang klase ang pag-iyak. tears of joy saka tears of pain. pero ang common sa dalawa, at least nakaranas ka ng wagas na pagmamahal.
me: nyahahahahaha
him: huwag kang matawa, noreen kasi ito ang totoo...

he's single. he's smart. he's a lawyer. he's nice. he's the same age as i am. ive known him for years. ilang taon na rin siyang nagpaparinig at nagpaparamdam pero hanggang doon lang... puro pabiro.

if i were 21, kinilig na ako. naniwala sa bola niya. at hinihila ang araw para december na... pero naman... im in my 30s. i know better... he's bored. or lonely. or bored and lonely. ilan kaya kaming ka-chat niya at nilalandi ng ganyan. kaya ako, sakay lang. gow. pero hanggang doon lang...

alam mo ba iyong aneurysm?

2011-02-17T23:08:00.004+08:00

alam mo ba iyong aneurysm? ang alam ko lang noon, madalas itong cause of death ng mga tao. basta pumutok na lang iyong ugat sa utak. walang symptoms. bigla na lang nangyayari. ayun, kapag pumutok iyong ugat mo, at di naagapan... patay ka. sabi sa akin, 10% lang daw ang survivor nito... i have yet to verify that. pero kung totoo man iyun, suwerte ko, kasi parte ako ng 10% survivors na un...

dahil last january 11, 2011 (1-11-11), at around 3am, i had aneurysm.

it was an ordinary day for me, wala akong kamalay-malay that in a few hours, manganganib ang buhay ko. i was at abs cbn, writing. noong nakasubmit na ako ng script, around 1am, umuwi na ako. hinatid ako sa condo noong EP ko ng green rose kasi he was on his way to the taping.

sa condo, nag tweet pa ako at nag status sa FB ng 1:11 am on 1-11-11. wish wish wish. tapos nagsulat konti sa journal. nagtoothbrush. nagbihis. nanood ng dvd at nagready na matulog.

and then i felt it -- the worst headache ever. parang biniyak ang ulo ko. it was the first time i felt that kind of headache... as in sobrang sakit. naiyak ako sa sakit. and the first thing i did, i unlocked my condo. praning kasi ako. kapag bumulagta man ako, at least bukas ang condo ko, makakapasok sila at makikita nila ako... kaka unlock ko lang ng condo nang masuka ako. as in suka ako ng suka... that was when i decided na i had to call help.

tinawagan ko ang rubi/idol/sabel headwriter ko na si joel mercado. he lives a floor below. past 3 na, siguradong tulog na siya but i had to call him. at habang dina-dial ko ang number niya, suka pa rin ako ng suka. good thing nagising siya sa tawag ko. "sir joel, puwede mo ba ako samahan sa hospital?" a few minutes after, we were on our way to st luke's.

i have vague recollection noong nasa st lukes na kami. ang alam ko lang, pinapirma lang ako to confirm na hindi ako buntis. tapos kung anu-anong tests na ginawa sa akin. and i don't remember anything after that...

i was in ICU. and i was told i was in and out of consciousness for three days. pero madalas, unconscious ako. i had respirator so i can breathe, i had several tubes in my body. and they had to tie my hands and feet kasi i was removing the respirator daw whenever i was awake.

nagkaroon lang ako ng ulirat talaga after four days. when i woke up, my nanay and my siblings from davao were there. my ate who is based in US was also there na. that was when i realized kung gaano ka grabe ang sakit ko...

bawal ang cellphone sa ICU pero i had my blackberry with me, so i was able to tweet and visit fb. that was when i felt i was loved... ang daming comments sa FB ko while i was asleep. puro "gising na, noringai" and "laban lang, noreen!" ang nakasulat...

noong gising na rin ako, kinuwento sakin sino mga pumunta. enchong dee was there the first night. my former roommate claring, my high school friend ilai, and my friend from abs danica never left my side daw. friends, relatives and co-workers visited me while i was unconscious. kinuwento sa akin na si direk joey, iyak ng iyak, at napagkamalan pang tatay ko. wala akong recollection ng lahat na iyun... ang natatandaan ko na lang na dumalaw sa akin (dahil gising na ako) ay sina jessy mendiola with jm de guzman, si carmen soo, at si alessandra de rossi.

so i was in ICU for two weeks. and then i had surgery para i-clip iyong aneurysm and i stayed at the hospital for another week. three weeks sa hospital. more than 2 million na gastos.

pero sobrang thankful ako sa abs at sa mga taga-abs dahil sa tulong nila. sobrang thankful ako sa mga kaibigan ko who stayed with me, who visited me while i was at the hospital, and sa mga friends ko na nag pass the hat para makatulong sa gastos. sobrang thankful ako sa nurses at doctors ng st lukes who kept me alive... sobrang thankful ako sa lahat ng tao na nagdasal para sa akin -- from fb to twitter to peyups and pex, kahit hindi ako kilala, pinagdasal nila ako... pero higit sa lahat, sobrang thankful ako sa Diyos, for giving me another chance to live... for this second life...

my doctor told me it was a miracle i got out of this alive. my surgeon said God has other plans for me... and i have to find out what's my purpose pa... kaya naman every day, i pray to thank God for this...

i was discharged from the hospital on feb 1. my surgeon said i should behave, and that i should take care of his masterpiece (meaning, the surgery he did to me). i told myself, this is my second life. hindi lahat ng tao nabibigyan ng chance na ma-extend ung buhay. i was blessed. kaya sa new life ko, i want to be a better person to make things right.

my sister asked me, kung hindi ako umabot ng hospital, kung hindi ako nabigyan ng 2nd chance at na-deds ako noong araw na iyun, san daw kaya ako pupunta... and although i know i have a personal relationship with God, at wala akong mortal sin na nagawa, hindi naman ganoon kalinis ang lifestyle ko. hindi ako ganoon kabait. may galit sa puso ko. hindi ako santa kaya hindi ako siguradong mapupunta ako sa langit...

kaya dito sa 2nd life ko, aayusin ko na ang buhay ko. pipilitin ko to be a better Christian. hindi lang sa pagsisimba every sunday, kundi sa pakikitungo ko sa mga tao, on how i live my life, and in my actions, thoughts and words.

the aneurysm was a wake up call to me. it made me realize how unpredictable life is. hindi mo alam, tatawa-tawa ka with friends now, after a few hours, wala ka na, deds na... kaya make the most of your life, and live your life like Christ did, para kapag when you come face to face with God, you'll be sure na you will enter heaven.

namumukadkad...

2010-12-07T00:23:00.002+08:00

pinalabas na si sabel kahapon... biglaan iyun. kasi dapat sa january pa iyun. pero dahil sa walang kapalit ang kokey, at medyo ready na ang sabel, ayun kami ang isinalang...

ang sabel ang isang proof na kung para sa iyo talaga ang isang bagay, mawala man ito sa iyo, sa ending, sa iyo pa rin mapupunta ito...

yes, my rubi headwriter and i conceptualized sabel. pinanood ko ang original movie. ako gumawa ng powerpoint. kami nagpakapal ng kuwento at nagdevelop...

pero ginagawa na namin iyong idol nung sinabing go na ang sabel. so binigay ito sa ibang writers. keri lang. kasi sabi ko, i have idol, and green rose.

on idol's last week of airing, i was informed, sasalo ako ng sabel. nung unang sinabi sa akin, part na ako ng writing team... di ko naman inexpect... ako lang pala ang writing team.

so ayun na nga ang sabel... pinalabas na kagabi...

already wrote weeks 2 to 4. everytime i'd finish a script, pinupuri ako ng headwriter ko. sinasabi niyang maganda daw. ayoko maniwala, kasi sobrang ikli ng time binibigay sakin to write... so talagang minamadali ko lang. kaya kapag sinasabi saking "ang ganda ng script mo..." o kaya "nagustuhan ng director iyong script." ang nasa isip ko, "ine-etchos nyo lang ako..."

pero sa meeting, mismong business unit head na ang nagsabi na maganda ang scripts... gusto ko maiyak. as in. pero at the same time, pressured... kasi may deadline na naman ako...

so heto nga, mula ng dumating si sabel... wala na akong weekend. pero isn't this what ive always wanted? to be able to write a soap na ako lang... we did that sa rubi and idol pero doon kasi, sa latter part na ako nakapagsulat... kaya hindi ako nagrereklamo... sabi nga ng CM ko, ito na iyong break ko...

ang sabel ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ko naramdaman ang undas. kung bakit nagsusulat ako habang nasa sementeryo ako, sa tabi ng tatay ko... kung bakit sinabihan ako ni maya ng "sulat ka lang ng sulat, sana hindi ka na umuwi dito..." pero seeing the show... hearing the compliments from my bosses... and receiving my paycheck... narealize ko, it's worth it... it's all worth it...

christmas wishlist 2010

2010-12-01T01:32:00.004+08:00

a few weeks ago, my friend ilai asked me what i want for christmas... and then, may mga friends na rin ako na nagtatanong ano daw gusto kong matanggap sa pasko...

i remember, three years ago, gumawa ako ng wishlist ni noringai... ayun, almost 50% naman ng nandoon, nabigay sa akin ng mga friends ko... kaya heto, gagawa na ulit ako... para dun sa mga kaibigan ko na nagtatanong kung ano ang gusto kong regalo sa pasko...

bago ang lahat... mababaw lang naman ako na tao. hindi ako choosy... walang masamang tinapay sa akin... ayos lang talaga kahit ano... pero kung may mag-aabala na magbibigay sakin ng regalo sa pasko.... heto lang ang mga wishlist ko :)

1. garfield desk calendar na mabibili sa fully-booked. puwede rin ang wall calendar.

2. scented candle na may tatlong wick. sa s&r ako nakakita nito pero kahit saan naman ata may ganito... ang aliw kasi eh...

3. sleeping blindfolds. sa tulad kong umaga na natutulog, essential sa akin ito. bought a betty boop design sa la senza last year pero dahil araw-araw ko nagagamit, ayun laspag na hahaha kinukuripot akong bumili ng mga nasa la senza now... maghihintay na lang ako ng may manreregalo sa akin...

4. he's just not that into you na libro.

5. 500 days of summer na dvd.

6. fluffy pillows. oo. adik ako... may anim na pillows ako pero dahil sa malaki ang kama ko this time, gusto ko pa ng mas maraming unan!

7. bagong envirosac bag. have three na... pink, green, and yellow. gusto ko pa... bilang gamit na gamit sa akin ang envirosac...

8. bedsheet... iyong full size. iyong 54 x 75

9. vs love spell na body wash.

10. pirated dvd ng complete season ng friends. a few years ago, bumili ako sa quiapo nito. noong pinanood ko recently, ayaw gumawa ng ibang disks. waaaaah...

11. pirated dvd ng grey's anatomy, how i met your mother, saka desperate housewives mula season 1 hanggang latest season :)

12. kahit anong garfield or betty boop items :)

13. adik din ako sa body wash, sa panties (size 12 sa marks & spencer, xl sa la senza), sa bags at nagkokolekta ako ng playing cards or baraha :)

ayan... pero kung may co-worker ako or friend na nagbabasa nito... kilala nyo naman ako. mababaw lang ako so surpise me... :)

edited to add: today, december 3, na-peer pressure ako at bumili ng 32-inch na flat screen TV. ayun, na-install na sa bahay ko... sabi ko nga sa twitter, ansarap umuwi sa bahay at tinititigan gabi-gabi ang katas ng pinaghirapan ko... it makes all the hard work, pagpupuyat and hirap worth it :) dahil diyan, wala na talaga akong karapatang bumili ng kahit ano para sa sarili ko... quota na ako sa mga regalo ko for myself :) buti na lang. reregaluhan nyo ako. yehey! :)

Geena's Song

2010-11-09T23:30:00.002+08:00

ive said this before, i'd say this again... i've always admired alessandra de rossi and ive been wishing to write a soap for her...

i wrote in this entry about a character na i really love kasi nakarelate ako... puwede na siguro i-reveal ngayon kung sino ito: siya si geena rallos ng green rose.

and luckily. alessandra is going to play the role of geena. perfect fit!

kahit adaptation lang ito ng korean soap, the emotions and dialogues are very pinoy... kaya tuwing sinusulat ko ang character ni geena. di ko maiwasang maiyak sa mga scenes and dialogues niya...

"i used to be a smart and strong woman... pero kapag kasama ko siya nagiging tanga ako… nagiging mahina ako… ganoon yata ang sakit ng mga matatalinong babae… tanga pagdating sa pag-ibig. nakakinis!

"pero alam mo kung anong mas nakakainis? sa tuwing binabastos niya ako, sa tuwing winawalanghiya niya ako… sinasabi ko na ayoko na… titigil na ako… pero kapag nandyan na siya, kapag kasama ko siya ulit… nakakalimutan ko lahat ng sinabi ko… "

mahal ko si alex. mahal ko ang role niya. at lalo ko siyang minahal noong magsulat si alex ng kanta for her role... yup. si alex mismo nag-compose at kumanta... and im sharing it with you... dahil lahat tayo -- in one way or another -- naging si Geena Rallos...

This is Geena's Song...

sana baliw na lang ako...

2010-11-03T15:59:00.007+08:00

five years ago... november 3, 2005... i wrote this in my blog:

C turns 30 today. he once said he'd marry when he's 35. i'd say, hope he marries earlier than 35. so i can finally convince myself that there will be no "US." so i can finally let go and move on. if he intends to remain single for five more years, then that means five more years of waiting and hoping on my end. =(

***

got this from awi's blog:

"Waiting is a good thing only if something is worth waiting for. How will you know if it's worth it? Gut feel. What if you don't trust your gut? Pray. You will be enlightened.

"So should you wait? What does your gut say? How does your heart feel? What does your mind think? If they're saying different things, keep asking yourself these 3 questions until you get a solid answer.

"Then you'll know if he is worth waiting for."

***

excerpt from blog entry entitled ikaw na naman posted on august 14, 2004: A few months ago, sumali ako sa isang writing contest. I wrote about you. And the "us" that will never be. Medyo confident ako sa sinulat ko. Hopeful ako na mananalo. Sabi ko rin, para may silbi ka sa buhay ko. Kung hindi man kita makakatuluyan, at least, ikaw ang maghahatid sa akin para ma-recognize ako bilang magaling na writer. At magkakapera pa ako. Iyun ang da best na closure.

Kaso, talo ako. As usual, wala na naman akong napala sa iyo. Inisip ko noon, kapag nanalo iyong entry ko tungkol sa iyo, ibig sabihin, iyun na ang purpose mo sa buhay ko. Na kaya kita nakilala, minahal at pinag-obsesses-an ng ilang taon ay para may maisulat akong winning entry that would pave the way for fame and fortune. Pero hindi ako nanalo. Ibig sabihin ba nito, hindi pa tapos ang episode mo sa buhay ko?

from relapse (may 5, 2005): sometimes, wini-wish ko na sana ikasal ka na. para tuluyan na matapos ang ilusyon ko. para alam ko na wala na talaga akong aasahan sa iyo. para alam ko na kailanman, hindi tayo magkakatuluyan.

anobakasiginawamosaakin? siguro iniisip mo na baliw ako. sana nga baliw na lang ako para may ekplenasyon ang lahat ng ito. kapag may nagtanong sa akin kung bakit ikaw pa rin, ang daling sabihin, "baliw ako eh." end of story. kaso, hindi ako baliw. matino naman ako. sa iyo lang ako baliw. at nakakainis kasi habang nagpapakabaliw ako sa iyo, you are living a normal life, in your own world that doesn't include me.

***

from isa na namang entry tungkol sa iyo (August 8, 2005): pero for the record, hindi na kita mahal. pramis. hindi na ako umaasa na magkakatuluyan tayo. hindi na ako ganoon kabaliw sa iyo. siguro kapag nakita kita uli, as always, mangangatog na naman tuhod ko at kakabog ang dibdib ko. pero hindi ibig sabihin noon na pinagpapantasyahan pa rin kita. hindi ko na ini-imagine na katabi kita sa harap ng pari at nag-e-exchange ng "i do."

oo, siguro nga naka-let go na ako. ang dali lang naman mag-let go eh. sana ganun din kadali mag-move on. pero forever ka na ata nakatatak sa akin. isang stigma, na hindi na maalis-alis sa aking sistema.

***

from one and 29 (november 3, 2004): They say writers can handle pain well because they can write about it and the more they write, the more detached they become. But then there are memories that will never go away, no matter how many times you write about them. And he is that one thing that I could never get rid of, even if he appears in every article that I write. He has become a part of me, how can I get rid of myself?

***

he turns 30 today. another year adds in his life that doesn't include me, while i'm living a life full of him... hope the tide will change for me soon.

posted Thursday, 3 November 2005

=====

a month after i wrote that entry, i met a new guy -- si SB. and i had to say, because of SB, i forgot C. as in i totally got over C. walang-wala iyong ilang years na feelings ko for C, iyong mga kabaliwang nagawa ko sa kanya...

it's 2010 now... SB and i parted ways three years ago. ive never fallen in love in three years... but C... C is still constant in my life... he comes and goes and yes, C is still single. he is that person that -- no matter how many guys i meet or go through -- i will always have a thing for him...

i remember one time, i said something like, "kapag itong si C, hindi pa kinasal by the time he's 35, it means one thing -- kami talaga ang magkakatuluyan..."

he turns 35 today....

cue in music: i guess it's meant to be, forever you and me, after all....

***

sana nga baliw na lang ako... para ang daling ipaliwanag kung bakit ako nagkakaganito...

happy birthday, C!

of endings and beginnings

2010-10-20T18:36:00.002+08:00

on the day i learned that idol was ending, i bought my first ever diamond earrings...

hindi ko alam what came over me... sabi lang kasi noong CM ko, investment daw ang diamonds. kaya gora... bumili ako. nakakalula ang presyo. it was my most expensive purchase ever. mas mahal pa sa apat na buwang deposit/advance rental ko sa new condo... pero kebs. naisip ko. "deserve ko to..." ang diamond na ito ang "katas ng idol" :)

pero siyempre hindi ko siya ginagamit lagi. on special occasions lang. kung may party. kung may date (date!!!)... as if :))

***
while my headwriter and i were doing the finale week of idol, i asked him "nalulungkot ka ba?" he said hindi...

a few days after, i was asked by maderbibs kung na-sa-sad ako. sabi ko "hindi na..." i was sad for a while. kahit naman anong magtatapos, nakakalungkot. ke isang taon man yan o isang buwan lang... pero gaya nga ng sabi ko sa twitter ko, some good things never last but better things are about to begin...

***

and these better things have started even before 1dol ended... it came as a surprise. i was content with green rose and the rakets in wansapanataym and your song. pero i got the news yesterday... i am part of a new soap.

kaya kahit na pangarap kong mamahinga muna ng ilang weeks, walang chance for that. i just feel grateful na nabigyan uli ako ng bagong project. and i have to prove to them na hindi sila nagkamali sa pagkuha sa akin...

and on the day i learned i have a new show... i bought another pair of diamond earrings. adik lang?!?

hinga...

2010-09-18T21:06:00.003+08:00

ngayon lang ulit ako nakahinga... as in. since 1dol started, tambak na labada. pero kering-keri. not complaining. mas gusto ko na iyong busy. mas gusto ko na iyong marami akong ginagawa... at least i don't get to think about things that make me sad... like my father.

i still miss him. especially when i'm alone and have nothing to do. sabi nila, yung namatayan ng magulang, it's a wound that never heals... it has been four months... siguro, iyong pagiging busy, yun ang distraction ko para hindi ako masyado ma-depress. no time to grieve or to mourn. kaya i'd take being busy anytime... walang chance to be sad... bukod pa sa lots of moolah para sa isa pang therapeutic activity -- shopping!

***

100 days to go before christmas. started buying gifts. sale sa S&R. sobrang natuwa ako sa sale kaya noong bayaran na, nagulat ako... biggest purchase ever na hindi installment. sampung libo!!! napa-watdafak ako when i saw it. ano ba pinamili ko at bakit ako umabot ng 10,000! then i realized, may mga christmas gifts na dun... kaya okay na rin... at least inuunti-unti ko na... pagdating ng december, hindi masyado mabigat sa bulsa...

***

wanted to go to manaoag. dapat pupunta ako kanina pero... hai. iyun na lang ang masasabi ko... hai... sana, may chance pa na makapunta ako ng manaoag this year...

***

i am excited for november... magfa-file ako ng leave. and then i'll be away from work... makakahinga ng ilang araw. and hopefully, i get to see someone again... and who knows? i will fall in love again in november...

the making of idol...

2010-09-08T00:08:00.003+08:00

i know lumabas na ng three-part making of idol sa abs-cbn. pero from a writer's perspective, gawa na rin ako...

matagal ng may plinaplano na musical sa abs. after the success of the movies across the universe and mamma mia, may na-conceptualize na kami. this was in late 2008 to early 2009. be my lady ang title. ang mga names ng characters, names ng mga singers. i was part of this show... pero, na-tengga lang ang show na ito...

and then came glee in 2009.

january 2010, habang nasa boracay kami for a planning/conference, binuntis namin ang idol. it wasn't named idol then. ang tawag lang namin: sarah soap. ang daming permutations ng kuwento... until finally, in february 2010... buo na ang kuwento ng idol. sarah's name was supposed to be melody. ang theme dapat ng mga names, mga musical terms.

(fyi: abs was the first in coming up with themes in character names... the names in kampanerang kuba were all saints. sa maging sino ka man, puro mga political names)

and then naglabas ng diva ang gma in march. and regine's name was melody. so pinalitan namin ang theme ng name namin sa idol. naging theme namin: titles of songs. which is swak pa rin dahil musical nga kami...

april 2010 - nagkaroon ng story conference. pinakilala na ang casts. pati lahat ng mga bagets na pumasa sa audition. pero siyempre, walang ingay na lumabas. secret ang lahat.

august 2010 - nagsimula na ang ingay. may promo na. may flash mob. sunod-sunod na. hanggang sa maipalabas na nga noong monday.

***

i was in the production office when the pilot aired. buong araw noong monday, halos lahat ng tao sa abs, naka-1dol shirt. kahit hindi sila part ng show. kahit iyong mga receptionist saka maintenance, naka 1dol shirts.

at tv patrol pa lang, parang new year's eve sa opisina. may countdown. may sumisigaw. "two hours na lang" "isang oras na lang" "last two minutes..." at nung nagsimula ang idol, buong production -- natigil ang ginagawa. lahat ng nagmemeeting, lahat ng nagsusulat, lahat ng taong busy noong araw na iyun sa production -- tumigil para manood ng idol.

noong commercial break, inulan ako ng tweets sa iba't ibang tao -- puro positive comments for idol. nakakataba ng puso... nakakatuwa. iyong pinaghirapan namin, nagustuhan nila... sunod-sunod ang tweets. nakaka-overwhelm.

pero siyempre, you can't please everyone... may mga nega comments sa forum. hindi naman maiwasan eh... lagi naman talaga may mapupuna...

pero kebs na sa mga nega. basta kami, naniniwala kaming maganda ang show namin. dahil binubuhos namin lahat. kung alam nyo lang ang pinagdadaanan namin bawat production number -- hinihimay talaga. iyong mga songs, iyong mga choreography, iyong mga production design... kung maka-comment naman iyong iba, parang ang galing-galing nila. isang episode lang ang nakita, nahusgahaan na buong palabas.

oh well... bias nga siguro ako... kasi this is the show na pinaka-proud ako. proud ako sa katorse, proud ako sa rubi... pero dito sa idol... ito ang pinaka super proud ako. at kung may iba man na hindi nagugustuhan ang show... okay lang. basta andami namang napapangiti at napapakanta sa show namin. ang daming nagsasabing maganda at refreshing. enough na iyun... dahil kahit magpakamatay pa kami sa paggawa ng show, meron at meron talagang hindi magkakagusto dito...

at the end of the day, as long as we go to bed thinking we did our best. and we gave our all... and marami kaming napasaya... okay na rin kami...

and oh... sa two episodes na naipalabas, we have featured seven songs already:

ayt, puso and bitiw by spongecola. you'll always be my number one by vernie varga. ang aking awitin by bong gabriel. point of no return by zsa zsa padilla and i need you back by raymond lauchengco.

in the coming episodes, expect more songs from great filipino artists and bands: parokya ni edgar, yeng constantino, eraserheads, gary valenciano, apo hiking society, side a, sharon cuneta, and a lot lot more...

so paano mga 1dolistas... kitakits tayo gabi-gabi ha :) walang iwanan. :)

happy birthday to me...

2010-08-27T01:19:00.003+08:00

my birthday came and went. was at work the whole day. celebrated that night with my best friend for dinner, then an inuman party with my abs-cbn family.

this has been a really ngarag but masayang week.... what a happy week. capped by the trade launch event in nbc tent. saya-sayahan :)

sa wakas...

2010-08-22T15:11:00.003+08:00

iyan ang theme song ko this week... sa wakas ng eraserheads. kasi ganung-ganun ang nararamdamam ko... have you ever had this "sa wakas" moment? iyong ang tagal mo na hinintay, finally, dumating. iyong kaytagal mong inaasahan, ayan at binigay sa iyo...

a few days ago, depress-depressan ako. birthday blues. my friends made me realize di ako dapat ma-depress. i am living the life i want...

at iyun nga, may mga "sa wakas" moments na nangyari sakin this week...

the first happened last wednesday, it was made clear to me. i am valued. i am appreciated. i am wanted. and by wanted, i mean it in the positive way...

then the second one was yesterday. it just happened. mali ang timing but still, i am not complaining. kasi nga matagal ko na pinagdadasal ito. matagal ko na hinintay. at kung kelan parang nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa, dumating! kaya winewelcome ko naman ang ganitong pakiramdam... mahirap pero kakayanin. sus.

***
nagwakas na ang rubi. pero magsisimula na rin naman ang 1dol. sobrang excited ako sa 1dol. sabi nga ng boss namin, "it's the show everyone wants to be part of..." kasi daw daming nagtetext sa kanya na singers na gustong sumali or mag guest sa 1dol.

ansarap isulat ng 1dol. kasi kumakanta ako habang sinusulat ito. and kung bagay, nilalagay ko ang mga favorite songs ko. sakto na yung songs na gusto ko, gusto din ng directors at headwriter ko... kasama pala dun ang sa wakas.

sana magustuhan nyo ang 1dol kasi bawat eksena, bawat production number, pinag-iisipan talaga namin. every week, nag-me-meeting ang buong staff -- andun lahat: mula sa writers, directors at producers hanggang sa choreographer, musical arranger, musical director, stylist, production design. bawat song, dumaan sa lahat. kung swak ba, kung may dating, kung anong areglo gagawin.

papakinggan naman mga songs, pagpipilian kung ano gagamitin. kapag nakapili na kami ng kanta, on the spot, ipapatugtog ng arranger ang suggestion niyang areglo. tapos mag-iisip na ng steps/moves ang choreographer. then pag-iisipan anong wardrobe at anong set ang gagamitin. mahabang meeting ito every week. pero hindi nakakapagod. lahat masaya. lahat kasi excited for 1dol. lahat kami gusto ang ginagawa namin...

malapit na birthday ko... first time ko magbi-birthday na wala na ang tatay ko. but i know he is watching over me... kaya angdaming magagandang nangyayari ngayon sa buhay ko... dahil binabantayan ako ng tatay ko...

song of the moment: sa wakas ay nakita ko na ang aking hinahanap / sa wakas ay nakuha ko na ang aking hinahangad / kay tagal ko ng naghintay at nagsunog ng kilay / ngayon ay masasabi ko na ang matamis na tagumpay - sa wakas, eraserheads

one month...

2010-08-13T02:13:00.003+08:00

one month na pala since i moved to a condo in QC. one month na akong mag-isa. saya-sayahan naman. kapitbahay ko mga taga-abs. mangilan-ngilang directors, tapos may mga artista din.

challenge ang mag-isa. pero masaya. i can wear whatever i want, do whatever i want. malungkot dahil walang kausap pero there's cable, and internet. kaya keri na rin...

mas madali ang work now. kapitbahay ko lang halos ang abs. one tricycle ride lang. minsan, kung sinisipag, nilalakad ko lang. ang saya pala maglakad from your house to your workplace. ang lapit lang.

last sunday, i got bored sa bahay. i visited the pictorial of 1dol. ang ending, nakasama ako sa pictorial.

and then the other day, ayoko pa umuwi. nakatambay lang ako sa abs, chumichika with my friends. dumaan ang boss ko. i asked if she'd drop by sa taping. niyaya niya ako. so ayun, nakinood sa taping ni sarah at sam.

one month. magulo pa rin ang bahay. makalat pa rin ang gamit. hindi naman kasi ganun kadali mag-ayos. naka-kahon pa mga books at dvds ko. damit pa lang, sapatos at bags ang naiayos ko.

birthday month ko na. my first birthday na wala ang tatay ko. my first birthday in my new condo...

You'll always be my number one...

2010-08-04T17:56:00.001+08:00

marami ang namamatay...

2010-07-24T03:24:00.002+08:00

sa maling akala....

sa sunday na, july 25, right after ASAPXV :)

deserve ko to...

2010-07-20T06:09:00.002+08:00

"bakit ko ba pinili maging writer? ang hirap..."

yan ang text ko sa aking executive producer ngayon lang, it's 6am. kakasubmit ko lang ng script. kahapon, 6am din ako natulong, nagsubmit din ng script.

ang sagot niya sa akin: "deserve mo iyan."

***

maraming beses na habang nagsusulat ako, at di ko maitawid-tawid yung eksena or hindi siya malinaw sa utak ko or di ko masulosyunan ang problema o kaya ambagal-bagal ko... gusto ko na tumalon ng bintana para wala ng problema. o kaya magtetext ako ng "saksakin mo na lang ako... di ko pa tapos script ko."

pero lagi ko naman siya natatapos. nasu-submit ko naman siya on time. at nagugustuhan naman siya ng mga kinauukulan...

tulad na lang noong isang soap na binigyan ako two days to write... musical. light. masaya. pero noong sinusulat ko, nahirapan ako. gusto ko na tumalon sa bintana noong ginagawa ko... pero noong nabasa ng headwriter ko kahapon, sabi niya, "cute!" weird comment for a script... hindi "maganda." or "pangit" kundi "cute." i can live with cute...

sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, kakaibang fulfillment ang nararamdaman ko sa tuwing nakakatapos ako ng script. kasi kapag binabasa ko na sya, napapatanong ako, "paano ko nairaos ito? hirap na hirap ako gawin ito..."

parang iyong rubi na umeere ngayon. noong napanood ko iyong mine-make upan ni rubi ang nanay niya, naisip ko, "anghirap isulat nun ha! iyung madrama pero puma-punchline. iyong mabigat pero may bawi..." paano ko nagawa iyun?

kahit ilang beses na ako nagsusulat ng script... it's always a mystery kung paano ako nakakatapos ng kuwento...

***

kagabi, habang nagsusulat ako at naghahabol sa deadline, tumunog ang cellphone ko... muntik na akong mahulog sa upuan ko when i saw kung sino ang caller... someone i never expected to call me... a high school crush!

"hi, reen. busy ka?" he asked.
"bakit?"
"andito ako sa manila eh..."
"talaga? kelan pa?"
"kanina lang..."
"san ka?"
"makati. ikaw?"
"nasa qc ako eh, nagsusulat..."
"malayo ba yan?"
"from makati, oo... saka may deadline ako..."
"ay sayang..."
" kelan ba balik mo sa _____"
"bukas..."

at nalungkot nalang ako. alam mo tong crush ko na ito... never ko na nakita since high school. as in... tapos now he's in manila. pero di rin kami magkikita. kasi may deadline ako. kasi busy ako. kasi ito ang nature ng trabaho ko...

deserve ko to!!!

"bukas..."

blast from the past

2010-07-01T20:48:00.008+08:00

i was checking my old peyups articles in web.archive.org when i tried to look for my old blog... patay na ang blog na iyun pero laking gulat ko when i still found my old entries... grabeeeee. blog entries since year 2003 hanggang 2006... andito :)

and there i was, reading blog entries noong hindi pa ako writer sa abs, noong si C pa lang ang greatest love of my life, at keri ko pang maging baliw, tanga at siraulo sa mga sinusulat ko dahil walang nakakakilala sa akin...

andun din links sa mga previous articles ko sa peyups. nakakaaliw :)

pero heto ang mas pinakaaliw... i saw this in my november 2006 entry:

napanood ko si alessandra de rossi sa tv patrol last week. break na naman kasi sila ni jeremy. when she was asked kung may chance pa na magkabalikan sila ni jeremy, sabi niya, "ayoko na!" then she added, "alam ko ilang beses ko na sinabing ayoko na pero this time, talagang ayoko na. sana ipagdasal niyo ako na talagang di na ako bumalik sa kanya ..."

hahaha. wala lang. alessandra ang itawag nyo sa akin. :P

at siyempre... sinabi ko kay alex via DM sa twitter. natawa din siya. kaya pala love na love ko si alex... in a way, konektado kami. bwahahahaha

i miss...

2010-07-01T05:21:00.002+08:00

miss ko na maging tanga. miss ko na maging baliw sa pag ibig. miss ko na maging sweet. miss ko na magsulat ng mahahabang kasentihan sa blog ko, iyong kapag binasa ko ulit one year after ay mapapa-cringe ako sa ka-sappy-han. miss ko na mag-whine.

miss ko na iyong mga angsts ko dahil sa iyo. miss ko na maging baliw dahil sa iyo. miss ko na magpaka-gaga dahil sa iyo...

miss na kita, love. am not referring to any person (huwag kang mag-feeling, kung nababasa mo ito!). i just miss the feeling of being in love... of falling in love...

may nagsabi sa akin, hindi na daw ganoon ka interesting basahin ang blog ko... hindi na daw kasi ako in love. hindi na daw kasi ako sawi...

i wanna fall in love again! hindi dahil sa blog ko... kundi dahil sa i havent felt alive in such a long time. i havent sang songs na naiiyak ako dahil sa tindi ng emotion ko... ( ke in love or sawi)... i wanna fall in love because i feel i have so much love to give na and kulang pa iyong naibibigay ko sa pamilya ko, sa work ko, sa mga kaibigan ko... i wanna fall in love again...

hai...

this portion is brought to you by PMS. sensya. emotional lang...

in three weeks...

2010-06-24T02:38:00.003+08:00

i will be saying goodbye to my condo. the condo where i spent the last five years of my life. i will be living alone. i will be leaving the city where i stayed for the last twelve years...

change is good.

change is always scary but... keri ko ito.

and sa paglipat ko sa bagong condo... maiiwan ang lahat ng basura. lahat ng clutters. lahat ng hindi ko na kailangan.

maiiwan lahat ng nega vibes. lahat ng pangit na memories. lahat ng daot na nangyari.

i am excited and nervous at the same time.

excited dahil mag-isa na lang ako. nervous dahil mag-isa na lang ako. anlabo...

basta iyun...

in three weeks, my life will really be different. not sure if it would be better. but it certainly would be exciting.

dahil wala akong time magsulat...

2010-06-15T10:48:00.004+08:00

photo blog na muna kasi wala akong time magsulat ng mahabang entry... (at dahil habang nasa bangkok ako ay gumagawa ako ng green rose script kaya ayoko muna magsulat ng entry...)

day one: silom, chatuchak, mbk

day two: pratunam market, platinum mall, baiyoke sky

day two: suan lum night market

day three: grand palace

40 days....

2010-06-11T01:34:00.003+08:00

pang 40 days ng Tatay ko ngayon. 40 days pa lang since he passed away. pero parang ang tagal na since i last held his hand, since i last hugged him, since i last talked to him...

sometimes, i'd still text him. parang he is there lang in davao and he never really left. and sometimes, i'd talk to him wherever i am. parang hangin lang siya, he is everywhere.

i really miss my tatay. there are days when i'm okay but there are days when i suddenly remember him, when a scent, a sight, a sound would bring back his memories. and then i'd cry. walang pinipiling oras.

one time, i was in a creative meeting. a co-writer mentioned, "malapit na pala ang father's day." and then the pain and the loss came back. hindi ko napigilan... i just cried.

the pain of losing a parent never goes away. and hindi ako naniniwala that one can get used to it... it remains. ke one year or twenty years na silang patay. masakit pa rin...

ika-40 days ng Tatay ko ngayon. sabi ng mga matatanda, ito na daw iyong aalis na sa lupa ang kaluluwa ng namatay. and then he goes to his final destination...

starting today, my tatay will be watching over me from heaven. i just need your prayers for his eternal peace, eternal rest, and eternal joy. i know my tatay is in a much better and happier place :)

my top five...

2010-05-27T04:07:00.005+08:00

my top five favorite actors (in no particular order)...

my top five favorite actresses (in no particular order)...

worked with sam, zanjoe, maja, john lloyd, in various episodes of your song presents.

nakasama ko na si jake at enchong sa dalawang soaps ko (rubi and katorse)

si sarah, anne, angel and alessandra na lang ang di ko pa nasusulatan...

pangarap ko makapagsulat para sa kanilang lahat... lalo na kay sarah!

pangarap ko ring makapagsulat ng soap for jlc and maja...

sabi nga ni pareng paulo coelho, the universe will conspire to give you what you want...

kaya naman... sa sampung artista na andyan...

lima sa kanila ang makakasama ko sa upcoming shows ko... wiiiiiiii!

siyempre di ko muna sasabihin kung sino!

o kung ano ang upcoming shows ko...

basta, super excited ako....

salamat talaga, Lord, for the blessings :)

hindi titigil ang mundo para sa iyo...

2010-05-20T00:32:00.002+08:00

kahit namatayan ka. kahit may pinagdadaanan ka na mabigat. kahit na broken-hearted ka o nasisante o nasunugan o nanakawan o napalayas sa bahay... kahit nagdedeliryo ka na at malapit ng mamatay... kahit ano pa ang pinagdadaanan mo ... hindi titigil ang mundo para sa iyo... it goes on turning. life goes on. the people around you keep moving on. and so should you.

at iyun ang ginagawa ko ngayon... moving on.

mahirap pa rin pero kinakaya. masakit pa rin pero iniisip ko na lang, my tatay is in a better place now. life goes on. it's been more than two weeks...

hindi ko man kayo mabanggit lahat, gusto ko lang magpasalamat sa lahat ng tao -- friends or acquaintances or strangers -- who left their words of sympathy in my FB, twitter and blog. those who texted and called, and those who went to the wake. i wanna thank my high school batchmates and my friends, especially to jan and my bestfriend bim, who flew in from manila to be with me on my tatay's interment. and to ilai and claring, na wala man sa tabi ko physically but they were always supportive of me.

i am now back in manila. back to work. mas gusto ko na ganitong busy ako at maraming projects, at least di ako nalulungkot. walang time maging malungkot kasi may hinahabol na deadline.

life goes on. dapat tayo rin. we should keep on going lest we will be overtaken by events. baka mahirapan makabangon at humabol. kaya heto...

this is me, moving on...

missing Tatay

2010-05-06T04:43:00.003+08:00

“Hindi ka pa pwedeng mamatay. Ihahatid mo pa ako sa altar sa kasal ko.”

These were my exact words to my Tatay while he was in the ICU on my birthday in 2008. The night before, I was partying with my friends and my Tatay sent me a lengthy text message to greet me happy birthday. The next day, he complained of chest pains and they had to bring him to the hospital. I took the first available flight to Davao to be with him, and that was the first thing I told him when I visited him in the ICU. Hindi pa siya puwedeng mamatay… Not yet.

Two weeks after, I was already in Manila when my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. We talked on the phone and he said, “Bibigyan kita ng two years (to find a groom). Hanggang 2010 lang ako.”

He died on May 2, 2010.

I was never close with my father. I don’t remember having heart-to-heart conversations with him, or me telling him about my dreams, my heartaches, my failures and victories. We weren’t built that way. But I do recall having moments with him…

Like that one night when he was drinking San Miguel in our terrace and I sat beside him and poured his beer on the glass I was holding. I told him I needed beer to help me with my monthly period and he asked, “Uubusin mo ba iyan?” because he was willing to get more beers in the ref.

I also remember the day he accompanied me when I transferred to UP Diliman and he was with me as I enlisted in all of my subjects. Nakikipila din siya para sa akin.

I never saw my father hit my mother. Nor any of my siblings. My mother told us Tatay was different from other fathers because he never hurt us physically. But he did hit me twice. He spanked me when I was eight because he heard me say the Visayan word for fuck (which I just heard from the wash-your car boys in the area). And he shoved me on the head when I was in college for reasons I can’t remember anymore.

Wala man kaming intimate father-daughter relationship, wala naman akong matandaang incident wherein I hated him so much. Naiinis, oo. But then Tatay loved to annoy me and make me cry. Kapag natutulog ako, inaasar niya ako by continuously poking me or playfully pinching my face. Or when I was engaged in watching a TV show, he’d switch channels just to goad me. Whenever he was drunk, he just loved to tease us hanggang sa mabuwiset kami. Nanay said it was his way of trying to get our attention.

Other than his occasional pang-aasar and pangungulit, wala akong reklamo sa Tatay ko. Well, looking back, I wish we were more intimate. I wish we were open to each other. Sana andami kong nasabi at nakuwento sa kanya. I could have told him about my life in UP, para malaman niya na kahit na-uproot ako sa Davao and got separated with my friends, moving to Manila was the best decisions he made for me. I should have told him how proud I was of him, because he was able to send us all to good schools. I should have told him more often that I love him and appreciate everything he had done for me and to me.

My Tatay never dictated me nor controlled my life. He didn’t want me to take Creative Writing because he said, “walang pera sa pagsusulat” but since he knew writing was really my passion, hindi na siya komontra.

He didn’t want me to quit my corporate job and be a full-time TV writer because he felt I’d be more secure and stable in my previous company. Pero noong first time na lumabas sa TV ang pangalan ko, I heard he literally jumped and cheered with my pamangkins who were all waiting for my name to appear on TV. And since I started writing for the episodic Your Song, he’d text me every Sunday to ask. “Episode mo ba ngayon?” so he’d know kung manonood siya o hindi…

Only my close friends knew about my father’s cancer because I wanted everything to be normal. Ayoko kasing pag-usapan. Ayokong may magbago sa pakikitungo sa akin ng mga tao just because my father had cancer. And we never talked about it with him. He knew about his illness but we were all hopeful that he’d live longer – long enough for him to walk me in the aisle. Chemo was never an option because he was too old for that. He was already 74.

Knowing that his days were numbered, we all gave him what he wanted. Bawal daw ang matatamis sa mga may cancer but Tatay loved chocolates. And so we gave him chocolates. We even joked that if he wanted to smoke and drink beer, okay lang sa amin…

Because of a throat operation in November 2009, hindi na sya nakakapagsalita and he could only communicate by writing. And that’s the first thing I missed about him – his voice. Hindi ko na siya natatawagan sa phone. Dati, every night, I’d call him just to say goodnight.

He lost his laughter, too. Maybe because he was in so much pain. Maybe because he was too sick to laugh. Kaya on rare times that I’d see him smile, we’d cherish those moments. Proud pa ako kasi may isang beses noon na napatawa ko siya.

And eventually, he lost his interests in the things he used to love. He stopped watching TV. He stopped listening to his favorite radio station. And he stopped asking for dark chocolates or cakes or muffins.

And then last March, he lost his capacity to walk. We had to get him a wheelchair. But even getting out of his bed was too painful or tiresome for him.

Sabi ko nga, nabaliktad ang mundo. Kami ngayon ang nagpapakain at nag-aalaga sa Tatay ko. I’d prepare his meal at sinusubuan ko siya. And whatever it was we were doing, no matter what time it was, if he’d call us (by ringing the bell), we had to drop everything to attend to him.

Last March, we had another moment together. It was almost midnight and he couldn’t sleep. He was sitting on his bed and I was hugging him from behind. I asked him, “Pagod ka na, Tay?” he nodded. “Gusto mo na magpahinga?” He nodded again. I was already crying but I didn’t want him to know it… I tried to control my sob when I said, “Sige, magpahinga ka na… Okay lang kami.” And in silence, we stayed that way for how many minutes – me hugging him from behind while crying.

The day before he died, na ER ako sa Makati Med because of heartburn. Buti na lang hindi ako na-confine because I got a call from my mother asking me to go home. That same day, I went to Davao.

Naka day off ang caregiver pag weekend kaya salitan kami ng Nanay ko sa pagbantay sa Tatay ko noong Sabado, May 1. At 1130 pm, he said he was hungry and I asked him what he wanted to eat. Gusto daw nya ng Bear Brand cereal drink. Hindi man lang niya nakalahati ang drink niya and he told me to put it sa ref at iinumin niya next time.

Around 12 midnight, I slept and left my Nanay to watch him. Nagising ako around 230 and went to his room because I heard my Nanay talking to him. May nakikita na daw kasi ang Tatay ko, hindi niya kilala so my Nanay said, “Angel mo iyun, binabantayan ka…” Humiga ako sa tabi niya and held his hand, while my Nanay held his other hand. He didn’t want us to leave him so we stayed. He asked me if I could read the writings on the wall. I didn’t see anything. I started to cry… I knew his end was near.

When he started to mumble inaudibly, we assumed he was praying. It’s as though he was talking to someone. I held him tightly and whispered, “I love you, Tay. Thank you…”

Although he was having difficulty breathing and moving, he kept on asking me what time it was (through hand gesture) and I’d update him, “2:30” “3 o clock.” “4 na…” That time I thought he just wanted to know the time so he could take the medicine at 6am. Looking back, maybe he had a different reason why he kept on asking what time it was.

I told my Nanay to take a rest and sleep at ako na bahala sa Tatay ko so she slept around 4am. Kami na lang ng Tatay ko ang magkasama sa kuwarto. He was holding my hand, parang ayaw niya umalis ako sa tabi niya. I asked him if I should call my sister (who lives beside our house) and my brother and he shook his head.

Everything was so surreal after that. So surreal I couldn’t even describe it. All I knew is that around 5am, I saw the sun was already rising. He was lying, staring in a blank space, his hand between my two hands. I told him, “Tay, may araw na. Gusto mo tawagan ko na si Bru (my sister) at papuntahin dito?”

He didn’t answer. I thought maybe he was asleep. Asleep with his eyes wide open… I texted my sister and in a few minutes, she arrived. My Nanay woke up, too and went to his room. That would be the last time we’d see him alive…

I am writing this entry in the funeral homes, while everyone is asleep and I’m in front of my Tatay’s casket. Ilang beses akong tumigil sa pagsulat dahil sa humahagulgol ako.

I thought I was ready for this. We knew this would come and we told ourselves we’re okay with it… Pero nothing could really prepare you pala. I am crying because I miss him. I will miss him.

But I take comfort in the thought na hindi na siya nahihirapan ngayon. Na siguradong he is in a better and happier place, kung saan he can talk and laugh again. Kung saan walang pain, walang suffering.

He waited two years for me. He waited to bring me to the altar and see me get married. Hindi man niya nagawa iyun, I’d like to think that he was proud of what I have become, with or without a groom.

Sabi nila ang pinakamahirap at pinakamasakit na panahon daw ng mga namamatayan ay pagkatapos ng libing. Iyong uuwi ka ng bahay at wala na physically iyong taong mahal mo. Iyong everywhere you turn, whatever you do, you will always be reminded of that person.

Hindi ko alam paano ko haharapin iyun… Ngayon pa nga lang na kasama ko pa ang katawan niya sa iisang kuwarto, namimiss ko na siya ng sobra-sobra. Siguro dapat ko na lang isipin na although hindi ko na siya mayayakap, hindi ko na siya maririnig o makakausap, darating ang araw, magkikita din kami uli… makakasama ko din siya uli. Until then, it will be a daily struggle for me. I just have to find ways on how to cope with the loss and to continue living in a world where my Tatay no longer exists.

heartburn

2010-05-01T05:23:00.002+08:00

it's 530am.

around 130 am, nagtext ako kay claring (na nasa sala lang naman habang nasa kuwarto ako sa taas) ng "puwede mo ba akong samahan sa makati med?"

i was having shortness of breathing and blurred vision. tapos ang sakit ng ulo ko. kala ko inaatake na ako...

so ayun na ER na naman ako.

buti heartburn lang.

ang nakakaloka lang... iyong doctor ko, noong malaman niyang writer ako ng rubi, tanong ng tanong ano mangyayari sa rubi. (the other day, while i was in a bank naman, iyong mga tellers, pinag-uusapan din ang rubi. mapa bank teller o mapa-doctor, nanonood ng rubi!)

so mabalik sa heartburn. okay naman na ako. may gamot na tinurok sa akin. at may nireseta. pwede pa ang OTC meds dun.

sabi ko nga sa fb, "buti pa ang heartburn, may gamot na pwedeng inumin. ang heartache, wala..."

iyun lang. matutulog na ako. bawal na chocolate, alcohol, softdrinks, kape at spicy foods. at bawal ma-stress.

ayus!

kahit ako nabo-bore na sa blog ko...

2010-04-26T01:04:00.004+08:00

a couple of people pointed this out in formspring... boring na daw ang blog ko. hindi daw tulad ng dati... someone asked kung SB took away my wit and kakikayan daw ba sa pagsusulat. (haller? ano kinalaman ni sb dito? sb is so... 2006. haha) someone who has been reading my blog since blogcity days (2002 to 2006) commented na she liked my analogy daw of things, and how i wrote about carl (at talagang pinangalanan niya so papangalanan ko na rin!) and my niece maya...

ang sagot ko naman sa mga taong nagsasabing boring na ang blog ko -- kasi binubuhos ko na sa script ko lahat. noong kasagsagan kasi ng blog ko (kung saan sabi nung dalawang taga pbcom - na di ko kilala pero kinausap ako sa mrt - ay pinag-uusapan pa nila sa opisina nila kung may bagong entry ako), i was an editor in a big company and blogging was my only outlet. ngayon, full-time scriptwriter na ako. dun ko na lang ibubuhos ang writing skills ko sa kung saan binabayaran ako...

and besides, nagba-blog ako para sa sarili ko, hindi para sa ibang tao...

pero honestly, kahit ako, nabo-bore na rin sa blog ko. nakakasawa na kasi kung puro trabaho na lang sinusulat ko. plus, iba na rin kapag alam mong andaming nagbabasa ng blog mo na kakilala mo...

halimbawa, iyong isang director ko... itago natin siya sa pangalang direk D. napadpad daw siya sa blog ko dahil nung sinearch niya ang maderbibs.com ay blog ko ang lumabas. so binasa niya blog ko. kaya minsan, while we were in a meeting, he told me na kausapin ko iyong isang talent na doctor sa soap. "mukhang single pa iyun... para mapalitan mo na si C," sabi ni direk D. nalurkey talaga ako. kilala na rin niya si C.

ang awkward nun di ba? nagbabasa ng blog mo iyong director mo...

may secret blog ako, btw... feeling ko mas okay yung mga sinusulat ko dun. kasi walang may alam nun. at walang nakakakilala sa akin. iba na kasi kapag inhibited ka na magsulat... nagse-self edit ka na kung ano pwede mo sabihin at ano possibleng maka-incriminate sa iyo...

somebody also mentioned sa formspring na siguro kailangan ko maging sawi para hindi na so-so ang mga nasusulat ko...

weh?

sabagay... it has been three years since i last fell in love. two years since i last went out on a date. two years since i wrote about a guy... remember B? B and i havent seen each other for a year now... huling kita namin, i texted him lang to say i was near his workplace. and then he took a break from work to meet me sa isang resto. that was the last time i saw him...

ay i wrote about C pala. pero hello? alam naman natin na staple naman na talaga si C sa blog ko...

going back to B, i reconnected with him recently to greet him kasi nagbirthday siya. kumustahan konti. and then he invited me to attend his celebration. "punta ka sa sabado sa ______ (name of bar)." told him i'd try. hindi ako pumunta.

naisip ko kasi... what for? wala naman na patutunguhan yun. hanggang doon lang iyong kay B.

kailangan ba ng bagong lalake para maging exciting uli ang blog ko? kasi personally, masaya naman ako na wala. iyong isang ep ko nga, may gusto siyang ipa-blind date sa akin, tinanggihan ko... told her hindi na ako nagba-blind date. masyado na akong matanda for that.

pero minsan, nawawalan na kasi ako ng gana magblog kasi wala naman na ako maisusulat na bago... so kakagatin ko na ba ang offer ng ep ko?

***

went out with ilai last weekend... videoke and movie. and then i told her about something...

me: gago itong si melanie... sabi niya, bigla siyang nagkaroon ng discernment na ipagdasal kami ni ___ (name of guy).
ilai: bakit hindi?
me: *smirked*
ilai: ayaw mo ba sa kanya?

hindi na ako sumagot. a lot of people are telling me bakit nga ba hindi na lang kami ni ____ (name of guy). aside from melanie, iyun din ang sabi ni attorney che che. ilai said he will be good for me. bakit kaya nila nasabi yun eh wala naman kaming something nitong guy na ito.

ayoko rin naman magka-something para lang may maisulat ako sa blog ko no...

pero heto seryosong statement... miss ko na kiligin. miss ko na ma-in love.

pero sana, the next time i fall in love... hindi na ako magiging sawi. kaya siguro natatakot na ako. hindi biro maging brokenhearted. at hindi madaling maka-get over at makapag move on after a broken heart... kaya, mabuti na iyong maingat...

ayan, siguradong uulanin naman ako ng comments sa formspring... speaking of formspring, kailangan na mag log in para magtanong sa akin. may iba kasing daot eh. mga fans na nang-aaway sa akin just because i happen to like a certain celebrity at feeling nila hindi ko gusto iyong idol nila... anlakas ng loob nila mang-away, palibhasa, anonymous.... kaya ayan.

senti-ing at 2 in the morning

2010-04-24T02:03:00.001+08:00

anong bago?

2010-04-21T02:02:00.002+08:00

last week, storycon for this really huge project. sabi ko nga sa twitter ko, am already excited just by thinking about it. paano na kung napanood ko na. sa sobrang huge nya, medyo matagal ito gagawin. pero keri lang. worth the wait. basta... sobrang saya ko to be part of this project. it's a dream come true, talaga...

tomorrow, storycon for the korean remake. just finished doing the powerpoint. grabe ang ensemble ng cast! nakakalula! reminds me of the powerhouse ensemble of jlc-bea-anne-sam in mskm. sume-segunda ang angelica-diet-jake-shaina in rubi (love your own, siyempre!).

this is going to be great! dalawa sa mga bida, hindi ko pa nakaka-work ever. sana huwag akong kabahan pag-present. this is the first time na magpepresent ako for a soap.

well, nagpresent ako kay zanjoe at luis respectively for dyosa before pero iba yun... ito kasi, sa harap ng maraming tao... hai.... kaba-kabahan. the last time nag-present ako sa harap ng maraming tao was for my only hope ng kimerald. that was in 2008.

bahala na.

***

patapos na ang south bitch este beach diet ko... 5 pounds in 4 days. at hanggang doon na lang. pano kasi, pasaway ako. well... last day tomorrow ng sb diet. ano na susunod?

***

my friend melanie sent me a message sa fb. nagkaroon daw sya ng discernment to pray for me and this certain guy. bigla lang daw niya naisip na pwedeng maging kami... sabi ko, bangag lang siya.

ayoko ng entry na ito!!!

2010-04-16T01:32:00.005+08:00

remember that time when we went out drinking and the bar was closing and still, we didn't want to go home yet? you were about to take me home but you changed your mind and we sat just outside the bar and watched people pass by along edsa. and we made up stories about every person who walked in front of us... that was fun.

remember that time we were attending mass and the priest said something in his sermon and as if on cue, we looked at each other and smiled, trying to suppress our laughter. we didn't have to say anything to each other to make each other laugh. that was fun.

remember that time when we were about to sleep but you weren't sleepy yet so you kept on talking and talking. when you sensed that i was about to doze off, you decided to play a game. "pahulaan tayo ng kanta," you said. you knew singing was my weakness and that i was very competitive so that kept us awake the whole night. until we heard the sound of the first trip of mrt. that was fun.

remember that time when you waited for me while i was in a meeting at 11pm in starbucks abs? and then we walked from abs-cbn to mister kebab quezon ave and i treated you shawarma because you wanted to bring me home. while we were eating, you told me something you've never told anyone -- it's about you and your father. and then you said, i was the only person who had known you completly and asked, "meron ka pa kayang hindi alam sa buhay ko?" that was poignant.

you again appeared in my dream last night. i wasn't even thinking about you but that dream... that dream brought back lots of memories. fun fun memories...

there's one word for this: relapse.

song of the moment: "what am i supposed to do when the best part of me was always you. and what am i supposed to say when i'm all choked up and you're okay," - the script, breakeven

quote for the day: "sabi nila, 'God is closest to those with broken hearts.' kaya pala close na close kami ni God," tweet at fb status ko.

lupaypay...

2010-04-13T00:15:00.005+08:00

hindi pa ako tapos sa script. may two days pa. kahapon ang deadline. di ko kinaya. ang hirap kasing talaga... humingi ako ng extension. sabi ko tuesday morning. paano ko maisusulat ang two days na script before 10 am? gusto ko rin sana matulog, kahit two hours lang.

lupaypay. ito iyong panahong pagod ka na, pero go lang, sulat pa rin. hindi puwedeng tumigil. kasi nakasalalay sa iyo ang buong production. kung wala kang maibigay na script, lahat sila apektado -- di lang artista at director. lahat ng staff.

ang mga nasa production, magpahinga lang, matulog lang ng 12 hours, bawi na ang pagod nila. pero ang nagsusulat, kahit anong tulog mo, pagod ka pa rin. hirap makabawi ang utak...

hindi ako nagko-complain, lord... nagkukuwento lang... salamat po talaga sa blessings.

last week lang, ambilis ko sa script. tapos, wala pa silang masyadong comment. nagustuhan ng mga directors. minor lang ang revision.

pero this week, grabe... ginagapang ko... sadyang mahirap lang talaga ang week na ito.

sana maintindihan ng mga lumalait sa show namin na anghirap magsulat ng script. sa mga nagiiwan sa formspring ko ng comment na chaka ang show, malamya at kung anu-ano pa -- IKAW KAYA MAGSULAT. lakas ng loob mo magcomment kasi anonymous ka. magpakilala ka... suntukan na lang.

nagbreak lang ako sandali... nahihilo na ako sa pagsusulat. kaya heto, blog muna... baka kapag naayos ko na buong three days, idlip muna ako.

binitawan ko na ang love me again. hindi na kaya ng sked. pero okay lang... alam ko di naman ako pababayaan ni lord. may ibang shows pa naman siya na ibibigay sa akin :) sa wednesday nga, storycon ng new show. excited :)

after tomorrow... magsha-shopping ako. deserve ko to!!!

pasaway

2010-04-12T00:07:00.004+08:00

naka southbeach diet uli ako. day four now. pero pasaway ako dahil on my second day, nag isang slice ng sicilian pizza. on my third day, naka dalawang subo ng cheesecake from dome... and every now and then... naka ilang kain ng aking new favorite chocolate....

Lindt Swiss Thin Dark Chocolate with Orange ...

this is my current favorite. as in nakakaiyak sa sarap. too bad sa duty free davao lang ako nakakita ng ganito... havent checked rustans, though...

good luck sa sb diet... pasaway talaga ako...

on another note... dahil kay mama lhen, nasenti ako and now i love listening to this song:

bawal magpauto :)

2010-04-01T00:50:00.005+08:00

today is april fool's day... bawal magpauto...

i remember na sa tuwing april fool's, lagi akong may april fool's day text sa mga kaibigan ko... at laging kumakagat sila... until finally, after three years of texting every april 1 ng kung anu-ano, they finally learned their lessons and stopped believing and making patol to my texts-- except clarissa. :)

si claring na kahit housemate ko na for 9 years ay naniniwala pa rin at kumakagat sa mga kuwento ko...

minsan, i said "april 1 ngayon, ano naman kaya maitext sa mga tao?" and she said, "hayup!" a few hours later, noong di na kami magkasama sa bahay, i texted her something and she believed me naman. she made patol at ang haba-haba ng text niya. so when i said "happy april fool's!" ayun, inulan ako ng mura...

last year, i texted claring about bumping into Zanjoe and talking to him... patol naman si claring sa text ko pero may bawi sa dulo na "teka, april fool's joke ba iyan?"

wala na... natuto na rin siya... kahit believable naman ang kuwento ko, ayaw na paniwalaan...

so ayan, dahil wala na ako maisip na maitext sa mga tao... gumawa na lang ako ng entry... warning lang...

kung may kaibigan kayong nagsabing buntis siya, o ikakasal na, o break na sila ng dyowa, o sila na noong long-time crush niya, or nangako sa iyong ililibre ka, o magpa-plano kayo ng trip to singapore... bago kayo maniwala o magreact, tandaan niyo lang na april fool's day ngayon...

at kung may nagsabi ng i love you sa iyo... kung type mo.... sige, paniwalaan mo lang. i-enjoy mo... pero bukas, back to reality ka na ha. kung hindi mo type, pwede mo lokohin at sabihan ng "i love you, too..." sabay bawi ng "happy april fool's..."

pero may mga lakakeng araw-araw yata ay april fool's para sa kanila... walang ginawa kundi mang-uto, magsinungaling at manloko ng babae.... wala ka na magagawa dun... marami lang talagang assholes ngayon...

lumalabas na naman pagiging bitter ocampo ko... dahil kasi sa quote na ito na nabasa ko sa twitter, "out of all your lies, i love you was my favorite..."

o di ba may konek pa rin sa april fool's :)

(pahabol: thank you kay kat and angelynn... ambilis mag-inform na meron silang copies ng artiks ko... salamat ha... email ko kayo within the day...)

thank you thank you...

2010-03-31T04:10:00.002+08:00

maraming thank you kay racquel who sent me soft copies of my articles in peyups... if you're reading this, salamat talaga! hope we can meet para malibre kita ng starbucks as a token of my gratitude :) at para makilala na rin kita

sayang nga lang at iilan lang iyong andun. may mga articles ako na wala na ako kopya...

so nananawagan uli ako...kung sino may kopya ng mga articles na ito: first time, mr could have been, bagay daw tayo, waiting in vain, hindi ako sanay (RESTY! gustong-gusto mo to, di ba?) and kape, yosi, sisig at ikaw... i-formspring nyo ako with your email add (di naman napa-publish yun hanggat di ko ina-approve) and i-e-email ko kayo...

salamat salamat :)

bagay ba?

2010-03-28T17:39:00.006+08:00

ako at si C, december 2002

kami uli... december 2009

yun o!

2010-03-23T04:01:00.001+08:00

“Everyone in life is gonna hurt you, you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain.”

"Sometimes the best way to be happy is to learn to let go of things you tried hard to hold on to"

"Love is always about taking risks. It's either you're ready for a heartbreak, or giving a fake love."

***

an anonymous question in formspring plus a weird dream the other night made me post the quotes i got from twitter and feel senti about someone/something.

kung sino ka man nagtanong nun... sana masaya ka na! am not sure if you got the answer you wanted to see.

***

shouldn't be this affected. kebs na kung anong meron next week... it's just an ordinary day. it will pass, without me noticing it.

have to set my mind on work -- today, feedback meeting for an upcoming quickilig. tonight, meeting for a koreanovela remake. tomorrow, meeting for a new show.

thank you lord for the blessings... kebs na sa mga isyu sa kapusuan at sa kanegahan ng buhay...

may tumblr na pala ako. weno naman? sagot ng ibang anti-noringai. hahaha

sa formspring ko nalaman na meron din palang anti-noringai. di ko alam kung bakit... wala naman ako ginagawang masama sa kanila. may isang nagtanong, bakit daw ako nagsusulat ng a lot of crap at nilalagay ko sa TV. pano sya nakarating sa formspring ko? she reads my blog or she follows me sa twitter... and she thinks i write a lot of crap. sagot ko, well, kung crap man ang sinusulat ko, i get paid writing it... bongga.

basta wala akong ginagawang masama to anybody... wala akong inaagrabyado or tinatapakan... kebs na sa mga nandadaot lang...

echosera!

2010-03-11T13:59:00.004+08:00

sa tagal ko na nagba-blog at kinukwento ang buhay ko, may gusto pa ba kayong itanong or malaman? click nyo ito... o kaya, punta na lang kayo dito: http://www.formspring.me/noringai

wala lang. char char lang. for fun. my life has always been an open book... ask me anything :)

eksena sa airport

2010-03-10T02:54:00.003+08:00

while i was waiting for my flight to davao last night, i got my bottle of water and drank when the guy beside me talked to me...

"excuse me, ikaw ba si noreen capili?"

i froze as i looked at him, still holding the bottle on my mouth. this guy knew me... sino siya???

and then he said his name and said we were classmates in high school... and then we chatted. how long has it been since we last saw each other? tagal na... as in more than 10 years. 15 even.

i texted claring about it to which she replied (sayang, i deleted the text, di ko nakuha exact lines) na malas ang mga lalakeng name-meet ko sa airport.

kung close friend kita malamang alam mo kung ano (or sino) tinutukoy ni claring. or kung nagbabasa ka ng blog ko noong 2006, malamang gets mo na sinetch itetch.

***

last year, when ilai and i went to kadayawan, i encountered another guy in the manila airport sa terminal 2. as i was on my way to ilai, may nakasalubong akong guy sa pre-departure area and he nodded and smiled at me. automatic reaction kasi sa akin ang ngumiti kapag nginitian ako kasi baka kakilala ko iyun at aminado akong di na ako matandain sa mga mukha. although i didn't know who he was...

and he said, "ganina ra ka? (kanina ka pa?)" lumingon pa ako sa likod ko to check who he was talking to -- ako! hindi ko siya kilala. pero binibisaya niya ako. so malamang, kilala niya ako! tumango lang ako. then he said, "kaon sa ko ha" (kain muna ako ha) and tumango na naman ako...

i told ilai about it... naintriga din siya.

noong nasa davao airport na kami, sinundo kami ni atty cheryll and noong pasakay na kami sa sasakyan, nalaman ko na sa tabi ng sasakyan namin, nandoon iyong sundo nung guy na kumausap sa akin. i told ilai about it, "siya un!" ilai said kaya pala tinitingnan kami noong guy...

hindi ko na alam kung sino iyun. somebody said baka yun na pala soulmate ko at pinalampas ko... sabi ni claring baka na-trauma ako sa airport kaya di ko na kinausap iyong guy...

***

it's almost 4am. am here in davao, working habang binabantayan at inaalagaan ang tatay ko. sana makasubmit ako ng script due ng friday. full-time caregiver ako ngayon...

ang daming meetings at presentation this week na di ko ma-attend-an. nanganganib ang work dahil di ko alam kelan ako balik pero family first muna... iyun naman talaga mas mahalaga, di ba?

sb diet day 4

2010-03-06T15:23:00.003+08:00

yellow cab pizza. french fries. banoffe pie ng banapple. pringles. frozen yogurt. banana cue. death by tablea cake ng chocolat. tortillos. spaghetti at palabok ng jollibee. palitaw ng via mare. sylvanas sa house of sylvanas. lasagna ng greenwich. chippy. turtle pie ng cakes2go. nachos. pineapple upside down sa dessert solution. pasta ng sbarro. turon. starbucks mocha frap. hersheys dark chocolate. kfc fried chicken. ripe mangoes. tacos.

mga favorite food ko. comfort food. mga pagkain na part ng araw ko. food that i had to give up since i started the sb diet.

anghirap. for someone na maya't maya kung ngumasab ng chips. or chocolate.

pero... 7 pounds in 4 days?!! yup, lost 7 pounds na...

kakayanin ko!!!

conversation with paul jake

2010-03-04T23:09:00.002+08:00

i was about to sleep and was watching SNN para pampa-antok when i got a call from eric john salut. i knew he had a dinner with paul jake and i thought he'd make kuwento about it so i got my phone and baklang-bakla na sumagot ng, "yes, sis!" only to find out ej was not on the other line...

"hello," the man on the other line said. hearing the familiar voice made my heart skip a beat... pero hindi ako nagpahalata.

"ej?" i said. kunwari pa ako...

"no..." he said.

"sino ito?" as if hindi ko alam. nag-iinarte lang ako...

he said something but then the signal was bad so his words were garbled and he thought he was losing me and so i just shouted, "paul jake!!" kebs na sa poise. baka mawalan pa ng signal at maputol ang tawag...

so ayun... nagkausap kami... i asked him, "kaila ka nako?" and he said, "o! si noreen!" and then we talked about the show, their taping, his director, his co-actors... and then, i mentioned paul jakers (kayo iyun, judz and anj) were inviting me to the get together this sunday ... and he asked, "are you coming?" and nag-inarte na naman ako nagpa-pilit and he said, "you should come!" kaya i said, "sige, kung wala akong script deadline..."

i told him a lot of people are excited na for their show. "daghan na kaayo naga-hulat..." and he said, "daghan! kinsa man ko para tan-awon nila..."

naku, paul jake, if you only knew kung gaano karami ang nag-aabang sa your song niyo! such a humble kid...

ang dami pa namin napagkuwentuhan before he passed the phone to ej. and ej said napakabait na bata ni paul jake. as in.

so ayun, nag tweet agad ako at tinext ko si judz para inggitin siya. ahahahaha ... see you this sunday, pauljakers :)

day two...

2010-03-04T20:13:00.004+08:00

when starting or quitting something, the first three days are usually the hardest... and the most crucial. kasi doon sa three days na iyun, doon ka magde-decide kung aayaw ka na, or kung ipagpapatuloy mo pa... hindi madali kasi bago nga ito for you so ang daming hirap na mararanasan. tapos, since bago pa nga lang, may temptation to stop. pero kung nalampasan mo na iyong three days at gusto mo pa, then you'll be okay...

day two now of my south beach diet. isang araw na lang... and i'm gonna make it ;)

i've tried sb before. pero yung sarili ko lang. this time, nagbayad na ako para may mag-prepare ng meals ko and dini-deliver na lang sa bahay. kailangan ko kayanin...

oo, mahal siya pero naisip ko, kesa naman gumastos ako bumili ng new clothes (dahil di na magkasya mga damit ko), might as well go on a diet, di ba? i'll be healthier pa.

and now is the best time to go on a diet dahil halos lahat ng tao sa abs, nagda-diet. iyong headwriter ko sa rubi, pareho kaming naka-enrol sa sb diet. kaya ayun, nagte-textan kami tungkol sa meals for the day. tapos kapag meeting, pareho kami ng food.

pero for someone na mahilig sa chocolates, sa cake, sa pizza at sa cookies, ang hirap ng sb diet. bakit ito ang kinuha ko? kasi masokista ako... mas gusto ko iyong nahihirapan ako... pero kakayanin ko! one step at a time. one day at a time :D

***

shameless plugging lang: please watch precious hearts romances: you're mine only mine araw-araw, before tanging yaman; rubi, gabi-gabi sa primetime bida... and malapit na... your song presents... this march na iyun!

isang panawagan...

2010-03-03T23:48:00.004+08:00

mukhang wala na nga ang peyups.com. andyan pa ang main page pero pag ni-click mo ibang links, wala na... wala na ang column ko at mga articles na nasulat ko :(

isang panawagan... meron kaya sa inyo ang may kopya ng mga articles na nasulat ko doon? as in yung hard copy? ipapa photo copy ko lang... may prize. :) kape sa starbucks sa abs cbn. or chance makita ang paborito mong artista :)

sana meron nag print nun :(

ilai!!! di ba sabi mo kumpleto ka??? meron ka pa ba print out ng mga articles ko???

EDITED: SABI NI MIMI, ISA SA ADMIN/CREATOR NG PEYUPS, DOWN LANG ANG DATABASE NG PEYUPS. DI PA NILA MAASIKASO... SO LETS HOPE PEYUPS WILL BE BACK SOON ;)

lahat ng naka-relate, taas ang kamay!

2010-02-25T15:07:00.003+08:00

so we're developing this new show... baka third or fourth quarter ng taon ilalabas... i just love one of the main characters... let's call her girl A.

ang tanging problema kay A, she always falls for the wrong guy. si guy 1, asshole. hindi siya mahal. pero dahil sa he knows she loves him, he stays with her -- for convenience. parang sila, pero hindi. ginagamit lang siya and she knows it pero kebs na. mahal niya eh. masokista sya. and hoping siya na one day, he will commit himself to her. ilang taon din siyang nagpaka-gaga.

and then she meets guy 2. mabait si guy 2. gentleman. maasikaso. maalaga. he cares about her. he worries about girl A. so natural, itong si girl A, napagod na sa gagong si guy 1, maiinlove siya kay guy 2. ideal man. as in wala ka ng mahihiling pa... ang problema? in love sa ibang babae si guy 2. so nagpapaka-masokista na naman si girl A. she still sticks around, hoping guy 2 will stop loving the other girl at ibaling kay girl A ang feelings niya. pero, you can't teach your heart...

maganda si girl A. smart. independent. strong woman. maabilidad. ang mali lang, iyong heart niya, pasaway -- laging nagmamahal sa maling lalake.

sino naka-relate kay girl A, taas ang kamay! :)

once upon a time, ako si girl A. may guy 1, may guy 2. pero... tapos na iyun. bawat babae ata, at one point in her life, nagiging girl A -- nagmamahal sa maling lalake. sa bad boy. sa taken. pero it's just a phase na kailangan pagdaanan ng bawat babae... character-building experience, kumbaga.

i love girl A! :)

and i miss you like crazeeeeeeeeeeh!

2010-02-21T19:37:00.002+08:00

twenty years ago, it was friday the 13th, during our homeroom class, a classmate coerced me to sing in front of the class saying, "magaling ka naman kumanta eh..."

ako naman si gaga, nagpa-uto. i volunteered and sang natalie cole's i miss you like crazy...

that night, we had our overnight recollection and i was crying and this same classmate came up to me and offered me his hanky.

kung teleserye lang ito, iyun ang defining moment... i fell in love for the first time.

didn't know i'd be crying in the next few years. because of him...

and you thought you knew everything about C.

akala ko din sa ilang years kong pagba-blog at pagkukuwento about him, nasulat ko na lahat... hindi pa pala...

twenty years ago.

leche....

my life in pictures

2010-02-19T11:30:00.004+08:00

pictures na lang muna, saka na ang full entry...

boracay for creative workshop/planning seminar

waiting for the ferry in caticlan

enjoying the ten-minute break from the workshop

last night in bora... swimming na siyempre

rubi latina party in eastwood with rica paras

rubi latina party with shaina and rubi herself, angelica p

big date at the big night. i was this close to paul jake

storycon for paul jake's new show... aylavet :)

post-valentine entry

2010-02-15T20:47:00.006+08:00

valentine's day came and went and i didn't post any entry... ayaw ko magpa-apekto! :P

last friday, i was having dinner with my writer friend john. he asked me, "hindi ka ba nalulungkot?" i asked, "bakit?" "wala kang boyfriend. wala kang ka-valentine's." and i said, "honestly? hindi... "

oo three years na akong walang love life pero hindi ako malungkot. mas malungkot pa ako na maliit lang suswelduhin ko next payday... mas nalulungkot pa ako na wala pang linaw kung anong kasunod ko na soap after rubi. pero naniniwala ako na darating din yun... iyong next show, hindi iyong dyowa.

***

watched valentine's day with ilai. it's like love actually on valentine's day. nag-enjoy ako sa movie. although some plots are predictable, may mga iba naman na hindi ko nahulaan. and as a writer, alam ko ang hirap isulat noon. and ang galing lang... as in!

sa mga hindi nagustuhan ang movie na ito... magtigil nga kayo! ang hirap isulat nun ha! kudos sa writer.

***

was in big night last saturday. voted for paul jake. even asked my housemate clarissa and my nanay to vote for paul jake. pero i guess it's melai's destiny talaga to be the big winner. okay na rin. i like melai. nakaaliw siya. and sabi nga nila, she owned this season... kaya sige, okay na rin na siya na ang big winner.

***

okay, here's a secret... ay dapat ko bang sabihin? hmmm. wag na lang dami kasi nagbabasa dito na hindi ko kilala.... ganito na lang. it's a nice feeling na someone from another network believes in your talent and wants you to be part of their team. sobrang flattering iyun pero i had to say no. happy ako maging kapamilya. happy ako sa unit ko. and although it's good to have options, sa ngayon, i have decided... i'm staying...

today, i took a risk. i wanted to leave doon sa isang show, kebs na kahit wala akong ibang project. sinabi ko na sa headwriter ko na di na ako sasama sa next soap. for health reasons. sabi baka we can fix the schedule pa. mahirap tumanggi sa project lalo na kung wala ka naman ibang work. honestly, i need money kasi eh. not for me. but for my family in davao. kung close friend kita na nagbabasa nito, alam mo kung san napupunta ang pera ko... kaya malaking risk iyong gagawin ko...

and then i got a call tonight. tama nga iyong sabi ng program sa fb na message from god. "On this day, God wants you to know... that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should."

salamat, bro for an answered prayer :)

quote for the day: "for some people love doesn't exist unless you acknolwedge it publicly," - from valentine's day the movie.

song of the moment: don't stop believin' hold on to the feelin'

what i learned recently: cliche but true, if it's meant for you, it will be yours...

wala ng kokontra...

2010-02-10T21:54:00.004+08:00

Sa Lunes na, February 15. Sa Primetime Bida. (more photos sa www.maderbibs.com)

paul jake is my big winner

2010-02-08T01:04:00.003+08:00

when paul jake castillo entered the pbb house, natandaan ko siya as someone na taga Cebu. anak-mayaman. gwapo. maangas. at may ari ng pharmaceutical company. sabi ko pa nga sa twitter noon, parang si john joseph wenceslao lang ng katorse.

i never thought i'd actually root for him to be the big winner.

san nga ba nagsimula ang lahat? di naman ako pbb addict talaga. i don't watch it regularly. madalas kasi akong nasa meeting, nasa lock in or nagsusulat ng script.

at kapag nakakanood ako, nag-e-enjoy ako sa melason moments.

hindi ko alam how my fondness for paul jake started pero sa mga episodes na napapanood ko, naku-cute-an ako sa kanya. and then i saw the episode na inaway nyo iyong indian na kunwari ay housemate din. doon ko siya nakilala talaga. tapos, napanood ko iyong hoh task na pinagbigyan niya si kath. shet. bumilib ako kay paul jake. and then the "torre task" came. napanood ko lahat ng episodes kung saan he really tried to defend the tower and from then on, i told myself, si paul jake ang big winner ko...

napanood ko sa you tube ang 100 seconds nila ng gf niyang si denise. dama mo how he truly loves her. and heto pa... may nagkwento sa akin, di lang nila pinapakita pero ang dami daw lumalandi kay pj sa loob... mga housemates. and pj remains loyal and faithful to denise.

hindi porke mayaman siya, di na niya deserve ang maging big winner. paul jake is the epitome of a true pinoy -- magaling makisama, may determinasyon, at di umaayaw sa laban.

kaya, si paul jake ang big winner ko...

may isang artista, nagpagawa ng 500 shirts na may nakasulat na paul jake is my big winner. kung papalarin makakuha ako noon, i will proudly wear it on the big night, assuming na may magbibigay sa akin ng ticket sa big night :)

paul jake is my big winner.

ano ba talaga mas masakit?

2010-02-05T03:46:00.003+08:00

which is worse and more painful: learning that your ex (na mahal mo pa) got married or learning that your ex (na mahal mo pa) died?

ang sagot ko: learning that an ex got married...

ikaw, ano sagot mo?

hindi ko alam kung bakit nasesenti ako ngayon... blame it on this song...

Nung iniwan mo ako
Nais kong malaman mo
Halos namatay ang puso ko sa kahihintay sayo
Ilang gabing di manlang makaidlip
Ilang araw ni hindi makabangon
O kay layo layo mo na umaasa parin

Pano ka ba lilimutin at aaminin ko sayo
Bihag ako ng ala-ala mo
Nung iniwan mo ako
Tumilgil ang aking mundo
Kay tagal umikot lang sayo

Nasan ka na kaya
Minsan naiisip mo ba ako
Ano kaya ang hugis ng bukas na wala ka
Di ko lamang inakala
Na darating ang isang umaga
Na ako ‘y gigising at biglang wala ka na

Pano ka ba lilimutin at aaminin ko sayo
Bihag ako ng ala-ala mo
Nung iniwan mo ako
Tumilgil ang aking mundo

At aaminin ko sayo
Bihag ako ng ala-ala mo
Nung iniwan mo ako
Tumilgil ang aking mundo
Kay tagal umikot lang sayo
umikot lang sayo

exciting

2010-02-04T04:09:00.002+08:00

ambilis ng panahon. parang kelan lang, frantic ang lahat sa pamimili ng regalo at sa kabi-kabilang christmas party. ngayon, february na... valentine's. tapos, summer... and then, pasko na uli...

exciting ang mga susunod na buwan. this feb, lalabas na ang bidang-kontrabida na si rubi. sa march, balik-your song ako. at nakaka-aliw ang mga bida... di ko kinaya! egzoyted!

george and cecil ends this sunday... mami-miss ko ang magsulat ng comedy pero hoping ako na magkakaroon ng part 2 ang gnc when habang may buhay ends. dami kasi nagka-clamor for part 2. sana ;)

pinaraket ako sa precious hearts... raket kasi mabilisan lang naman talaga. quickie. :) march na ata lalabas yung quikilig na yun.

the creative team of katorse will be doing another soap -- basta movie adaptation uli. pero with a twist. parang katorse lang ;)

last weekend, our unit/team went to bora for a 3-day planning. may mga concepts na dinevelop. exciting ang mga mangyayari. sa sobrang excitement, hindi ako makahinga. sana makasama ako doon sa soap ng aking favorite star na di ko pa nakaka-work.

last night, latin party ng rubi sa eastwood. bottomless margarita. party-ing with rubi stars. bisita pa mga ex-pbb housemates. aylavet.

nagugulantang ako sa mga balitang naririnig ko about lipatan, pirate-an, etc. mas nakakagulat na laman na pala ng tsimis ang mga writers. sa mga ganitong panahon, mas mabuting manahimik na lang. less talk, less mistake. mahirap na ma-quote. :)

basta. exciting ang taon na ito for me in terms of career. sa love life? saka na natin problemahin iyan.

song of the moment: vanilla twilight by owl city. narinig niyo na ba ito? i really really love the song.

quote for the day: "life is about rejection because it makes you stronger. what you don't get today, you get tomorrow," napulot ko lang sa twitter

what i learned recently: si jake cuenca pala ang lead model ng bench underwear. nakita niyo na ba billboard niya sa may magallanes? *drool* ahahahaha

check niyo www.maderbibs.com for the latest news, pictures and behind-the-scene scoops of your fave kapamilya stars and shows :) mag-leave kayo ng comment at sabihin nyo, ako nagbigay ng link. baka may prize ako. bwahahahaha

how to describe my weekend in one to two words

2010-02-01T04:43:00.009+08:00

sun.
sea.
sand.

beach.
pitch.
bitch.

sunset.
concept.
script.

skin.
swim.
sin.

firedancer
vodka cruiser
winner

puyat.
bundat.
maalat.

sunblock
writer's block
workshop.

powerpoint presentation
celebration
revelation.

planning.
bonding.
traveling.

kapamilya
kasama
sa bora

saka na ako magkukuwento kapag may ulirat na uli ako...

ngayon ko lang gagawin ito...

2010-01-24T23:00:00.002+08:00

BBS PAUL JAKE

involved ako sobra. although ganito din ako kay mickey noon sa season 2, di naman ako gumastos... pero ngayon... ubusan na ito ng load...

bakit si paul jake? kasi hindi siya tamad, hindi siya sumusuko, may respeto siya sa kapwa... at hindi siya makasarili...

hindi niya binoto ang sarili niya as HOH and instead voted for tibo.

if it weren't for him and his leadership, talo sila sa weekly task... gutom ang aabutin nila...

hindi ako madalas na nakakanood ng pbb, pero i admit, melason fan ako...

pero sa ngayon, BBS PAUL JAKE na... dami fans ng melason. im sure di nila pababayaan si Melisa and Jason.

BBS PAUL JAKE ako...

sana kayo rin, sa bawat bisita nyo naman sa blog ko... isang BBS PAUL JAKE and send to 2331 lang, sige na ;)

BBS PAUL JAKE
BBS PAUL JAKE
BBS PAUL JAKE

three years ago...

2010-01-20T02:12:00.003+08:00

share ko lang... nahanap ko sa you tube. wrote the script exactly three years ago. jan 2007. alam ko dahil sinulog time iyun. one day ko lang sinulat... walang sinabi ang headwriter na plot... basta ang sabi sa akin, someday ang song, tapos kimerald ang bida. walang ibang sinabi except "bukas ang deadline..."

nakatulong siguro na october 2006 pa lang, favorite ko ang someday ni nina. nakatulong na lahat ng dialogues dito, sinabi ko na rin in real life ;)

nakakatuwa lang. three years after, ang movie nila, best friends din ang plot :)

alam nyo ba?

2010-01-19T15:48:00.002+08:00

alam nyo ba ang kuwentong ito?

i only found out three years ago, while i was blog-hopping, i chanced upon that blog... na-shock ako when i reached the end of the entry (huwag nyo babasahin sa dulo... mas maganda kung tatapusin nyo).

ang dami pang mas magandang kuwento sa site na iyan ... untold pinoy stories, indeed. :) sayang at di na siya nag-a-update. whatever happened to that blogger?

sige na nga...

2010-01-18T19:17:00.002+08:00

"forgive but not forget. or you will be hurt again."

tweet iyan ni paulo coelho. mantra ko na rin iyan.

good news :)

2010-01-15T02:36:00.004+08:00

when something is meant to be yours talaga, gagawa ng way ang universe para maibigay ito sa iyo...

akala ko wala na eh. sabi ko kasi ayoko noon. nakakatakot. kaya huwag na lang iyun. iba na lang...

tanggap ko naman eh.

and then at 4:30 pm, the phone call came.

magsisimula na ako noon maglinis ng banyo. (2 hours ako kung maglinis ng banyo kasi i enjoy that chore). may nakasaksak na na earphones sa tenga ko. iniwan ko ang cellphone ko sa labas kasi sabi ko, wala naman ako ine-expect na tawag or text. naka-set na nga kasi ako maglinis ng banyo for two hours.

lumabas ako para lang magtapon ng basura... at napadaan ako sa cellphone ko. dahil may nakasaksak nga na earphones, di ko naririnig ang tawag pero nakikita kong umiilaw. sinagot ko ang phone...

"kaya mo bang pumunta dito in 30 minutes?"
"hindi pa po ako naliligo..."
"sige pumunta ka na lang as early as you can..."
"okay po... in one hour, andyan na ako..."

ayun na nga. the good news came.

noong nasa mrt ako, napaisip ko. kung di ako nagtapon ng basura, hindi ko makikita iyong phone ko na may tumatawag. makikita ko lang iyun after two hours. and baka lumampas ang chance na iyun...

gumagawa talaga ng paraan si lord :)

katorse eulogy

2010-01-10T19:44:00.002+08:00

last friday, my 6 o'clock habit ended.

since katorse started on august 24 (birthday ko!), every 6 o'clock, nakatutok na ako sa TV. mabibilang mo sa kamay ang mga episodes na na-miss ko sa tv at sa net ko lang pinanood. kapag may meeting ako sa abs, i'd make sure na pagpatak ng 6, nakikinood ako sa adprom, or sa pantry, or sa gram's restaurant or sa wicked. kapag makikipagkita ako sa mga kaibigan, sasabihin kong oras, 7pm, para puwede pa akong manood ng katorse sa bahay. kapag may katorse lock in kami sa bahay ng headwriter namin, 5pm ang call time para doon na kami manonood ng katorse ng sabay-sabay. kapag may katorse creative meeting naman, usually, 7 or 8pm nagpapatawag...

oo, my world revolves around katorse...

who would have thought that my life would be greatly affected by katorse?

the beginning
isa lang itong episode sa your song dati. nagsimula nga silang buuin ito ng wala ako -- kasi i was in davao. pagbalik ko, gulat na lang ako kasi sabay namin itong gagawin with boystown. nagsusulat kami ng boystown. nagsusulat din ng katorse. supposedly 8 episodes lang ito... story conference ng katorse, naka-lock in kami para sa boystown. those were fun times -- with my co-writers mariami (yam), bing and sigfreid (sig).

habang naka lock in kami at pinag-uusapan ang tatakbuhin ng kuwento, we were looking for a song. i remember a song na sobrang gustong-gusto ko noong elementary pa lang ako -- tamis ng unang halik. and while our headwriter was listening to the song, she had an epiphany... alam na niya kung tungkol saan ang kuwento: tungkol sa unrequited love ni nene for gabby. and nene's wrong decisions dahil sa pagmamahal na iyun...

and then they shot the first four episodes of katorse... nag-preview ang management. nagustuhan nila. and in may 2009, we learned that they wanted to make katorse a daily soap -- afternoon pa nga dapat ang target nito eh...

the first four episodes of katorse (na dapat ay four sundays of your song) became katorse's pilot week.

the soap
it was supposed to be an afternoon soap. tapos sinabi ilalagay daw sa primetime, pre-TV patrol. kapalit ng boys over flower. ang unang sabi sa amin, 10 weeks lang kami... sinama sa writing team si philip, siguro dagdag male perspective. at nabuo ang creative team ng katorse -- limang writers, isang headwriter.

looking back, ibang-iba pa ang kuwento ng katorse... same iyong nene loves gabby who loves marissa who loves albert. pero eventually, matatauhan si nene kay gabby. magkakaroon ng nene-albert moment. magiging kontrabida si marissa. connivance with gabby. mamamatay si nena. at ang ending -- nene as single mom.

ganoon ka-simple.

andoon iyong mga supporting characters -- the parents. si nenita. mga kaibigan ni nene na sina lala at doray. at ang best friend ni gabby na si jojo.

pero sa isang meeting namin, naisip ng headwriter namin, magkaroon ng subplot kay jojo at nene. gusto niya, mainlove si jojo kay nene, not knowing na ito ang nabuntis ni gabby. gusto niya, someone will make nene feel what gabby has never made her feel. parang na-inspire siya sa kanta ng parokya ni edgar na halaga. "binabasura ng iba ang pinapangarap ko..."

i have to admit hindi kami agree noong una. lalo na ako. hehe. kasi sabi ko, panggulo lang. parang anglandi na ni nene kung tatlong lalake na ang ma-iinvolve sa kanya.

that time, nakapag-shoot na sila ng jojo-gabby scenes at ibang artista ang gumanap na jojo...

by week four script, idedevelop ang jojo character. dito sila magkikita ni nene. iyong poker scene. week four din iyong hinanap-hanap niya ang girl of his dreams. and nalaman niyang ito pala iyong girl na nabuntis ng best friend niya.

nagustuhan nila ang jojo character that's why they decided to put a bigger actor -- and enchong dee was included in katorse.

pilot
katorse was aired on august 24. sa ganoong time slot. we were expecting 18 na ratings sa TNS. kasi iyun ata ang highest ng bof. nag-pilot kami ng nasa 20s. di ko matandaan kung ano pero mataas ang pilot than what we expected. at tumaas pa ng tumaas. nag 30s. nag 34. at ang highest ever -- 38.2!

sobra lang ang impact ng katorse. di ko alam ang dami pala nanonood na kakilala ko. di ko alam, andami palang sumusubaybay... lalo na mga taga ibang bansa.

sabi sa amin, kami lang daw ang soap na walang kidnapan. walang search for nawawalang anak. walang pinapasabog. walang mga sindikato. at walang kontrabida na all-out masama.

kaya siguro kinagat ng tao. kasi daw, hindi kami plot-driven. character-driven. lahat ng nangyayari, nagsimula dahil sa mga decisions ng characters.

at sinabi sa amin, extended kami to 20 weeks. ayun...

favorites
marami akong scenes na paborito. memorable kasi sa akin noong sinusulat ko... halimbawa, iyong nalaman ni nene na mahal ni gabby si marissa, iyak ako ng iyak noong sinusulat ko iyun... ang pinapakinggan ko, i can't make you love me saka until i get over you.

iyong sinabi ng headwriter na papaliguan ni jojo si nene sa dagat "to wash away her misery," na-weirduhan ako. naisip ko, wala ito sa character ni jojo. hirap akong isulat iyun. paano ko itatawid? ginawa ko na lang comedy ang approach. ayun. maganda naman ang kinalabasan...

iyong inamin ni jojo kay nene na mahal niya ito, iyong binasted siya at saka iyong sinabi niyang "i'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not to have you in my life at all," sinulat ko ang mga eksenang iyun habang nasa eroplano ako papuntang davao. pinapakinggan ko ang the man who can't be moved na kanta.

iyong nakipag-break si nene kay jojo sa hospital, kailangan ko pa makinig sa i love you, goobye saka art of letting go. tapos, iyak din ako ng iyak noong sinusulat ko...

at iyong enchanted kingdom scene... shet. pinaghandaan ko iyun. i unearthed old blog entries. tapos, todo sa pakikinig sa mga nakakaiyak na songs like the art of letting go saka i love you goodbye ulit... iyun.

***

nakikita niyo ang katorse. pinapanood. natutuwa sa mga eksena. nilalagay sa twitter at fb ang mga memorable quotes. nagrereklamo iyong iba bakit ganito, bakit ganoon. tinatawag na bobo ang mga writers. bias. di nag-iisip. may favoritism. di nyo lang alam kung ano pinagdadaanan ng creative team sa bawat eksenang napapanood niyo...

iyong isang linggo niyong napapanood... almost two weeks na pinaghihirapan iyan ng creative team. two to three days na brainstorming/lock in. ang bawat eksena, pinagtatalunan. dapat ba ganito gawin niya? ano reaction? ano mangyayari? binubuo iyung lahat. tapos, kapag nabuo na ang buong week, two to three days na writing. tapos feedback meeting na inaabot ng madaling araw. tapos one week na final revision.

iyan ang nangyayari ng nine months. nine months namin binuo ang katorse. sa kalagitnaan ng series, may nawala sa creative team. may pumalit. may umalis. pero kami nina yam at bing, mula umpisa hanggang dulo, kasama na ni nene at gabby at jojo.

at sa pagtatapos ng katorse, para kaming namatayan. nine months kaming magkakasama. natutulog sa iisang kama. hindi na umuuwi ng bahay. iyong lock in naman na kadalasan, nagkakaroon na ng arguments. iyong pagtatarayan namin (ay ako lang ba iyun?). iyong kuwentuhan tungkol sa mga nangyari sa amin -- "iyong first kiss ko, ganito..." "iyong first heartache ko ganito..." "noong bata ako, ganito nangyari..." iyong inuman at kapehan. iyong mcdo delivery ng alas tres ng madaling araw. iyong foodtrip sa umaga bago umuwi galing lock in.

ang mga pagdalaw sa taping. nakarating kami ng marikina. ng fairview. ng laguna. and yes even batangas. ang kulitan and bonding with the directors, the production staff and the artists.

although your song ang longest show ko (three years ako doon bago ako nag-resign), iba ang bonding ng katorse kasi halos every week, magkasama kami.

wala na nga ang katorse. tapos na. pero kahit tapos na ito at di na pinapalabas sa TV, kahit wala na akong inaabangan ng 6pm at hinihintay comments ng mga tao sa peyups, hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang katorse.

sa katorse, sabay-sabay naming binalikan ang aming first love. ang aming first heartache. ilang beses akong umiyak habang nagsusulat dahil sa binalikan ko mga heartaches ko. pero sa pagtatapos ng katorse, nagkaroon ako ng hope na someone will come to heal your broken heart. at natutunan ko na indeed, everything will fall into place -- when the right time comes. :)

paalam, katorse. salamat.

at sa lahat ng nanood... sa lahat ng sumubaybay. sa lahat ng nakitawa, naiyak, kinilig, nagalit habang pinapanood ang katorse. sa lahat na binuksan ang kanilang tahanan para kay nene... salamat :)

thank you ng sobra sobra sobra sobra...

share ko lang...

2010-01-10T00:29:00.007+08:00

bago ako gumawa ng makabagbag damdaming last entry about katorse, share ko na lang muna itong mga pictures sa aming thanksgiving party last january 8...

feeling nene ako...

with the whole katorse family

magkapareho kami ni nene ng headband! ahaha

todo-sayaw si noringai :)

chumi-chika kay ms cherie gil

fine time in 2009

2009-12-31T12:48:00.005+08:00

for those who have been reading my blog for years now, i'm sure you all know what this entry is all about -- year-ender entry ko ito.

2007 was a year of drastic changes and decisions. said goodbye to someone. had my worst heartache. but before the year ended, i finally moved on and let go. i also left my corporate job and finally took the plunge at nag full time na sa abs-cbn.

2008 was a year of bad news. sa career (shows got cancelled, shows that ended). sa lovelife (guy in 2007 got married). at sa family -- that's the year we found out my tatay had lung cancer.

if i were to summarize my 2009 in one word -- it's fine. iyun nga eh. fine lang siya. hindi siya great. or exciting. or amazing. it's just fine. pero at least it's not bad. or blah. or black. it's fine. okay na rin...

january - endings and beginnings

sabi sa benjamin button which i watched this month, "our lives are defined by opportunities... even those we missed."

natapos na ang my only hope, the longest your song episode ever. tuluyan na ring nawala ang utoy, ang kauna-unahang teleserye na sinulat ko. but then, was offered a new show and was busy with a your song episode na sobrang nagpa-drain sa akin dahil sumabay ang deadline sa kasal ng best friend kong si bim.

on january 22, i was so tired and down and on the verge of crying, tapos na-cancel pa ang isang creative meeting. i went to production office to kill time at nag-internet and got an email that really made me forget all my problems... "C added you as a friend in facebook." wala kaming mutual friend that time. i assumed hinanap niya. feelingera much? hayaan nyo na...

speaking of fb, nagkaroon ng malaking issue because of something that i posted in my fb status. sobrang nag-worry talaga ako at feeling ko nanganib ang work ko.

february- on hold

the new show got on hold at sobrang nalungkot talaga ako. but the next day, direk joey offered a new show to me -- george and cecil. pero concept stage pa lang. pati ang underage, kino-conceptualize na by this time. nami-miss ko maging ngarag. kasi sobrang wala akong ginagawa this month.

march - music and creativity

earlier this month, nagkaroon kami ng pitching for new shows in astoria. batuhan ng concept at idea. brainstorm ng mga bagong shows.

watched eraserheads' final concert with friends. i was part of history!

nagkaroon ng story conference for george and cecil. this is it. tuloy na tuloy na. nagsimula na rin kami ng pag-buo ng boystown. and this month, tinawagan ako at sinabing kasama ako sa rubi.

april - break and blessings

was in davao for holy week. while i was in davao, i learned that we would be doing katorse for our next your song episode. ito ang month na sobrang ngarag ako... ayan, kasi i was asking for it, binigay ng tadhana -- nagkasabay-sabay mga meetings ng katorse, rubi, boystown at george. pero am not complaining... salamat lord, sa blessings :)

may - boys and boon

"you pick up guys that are smart and funny and they leave you for someone less complicated," from 30 rock.

nag pilot ang boystown at naging chummy-chummy with the gigger boys. this month, we learned na dahil nagandahan ang management sa preview, magiging soap na ang katorse. supposedly ay afternoon soap lang siya. nagkaroon ng story conference for rubi and domoble ang kangaragan. hindi ko na kaya ito -- i had to give up one show... i resigned from your song, my show for three years :(

june - the letter E

"kapag di ka mahal ng taong mahal mo, ikaw ang letter e sa word na love, andyan ka pero di prino-pronounce."

dapat june ipapalabas si nene. june 8 supposedly. pero naurong. pinalabas ang george n cecil ng june 7.

this month, the creative team of katorse decided to include a new character -- thus, john joseph wenceslao was born. that time, we didn't know who the actor would be but we all knew his role would really be colorful.

july - liberation

it's cinemalaya month. watched sanglaan, engkwentro and last supper no 3. thought of joining the next cinemalaya because got inspired with the films i saw.

started tweeting sa twitter. it was fun. decided to tweet things i couldn't say in my fb status. what a liberating experience.

bought a new laptop -- may kapatid na si nico! called my new laptop scarlet because of its color.

this month, i learned that C is in a relationship. walang kinalaman iyun kung bakit ako na-ER :)

sermon ng pari sa isang misa na na-attend-an ko this month, "sometimes, we are afraid of solitude because silence can be revealing. in silence, we learn things we don't know or don't want to know about ourselves."

august - beautiful

august 24 was the most beautiful day in the universe -- iyan ang sabi ng kapamilya network. kasi aug 24 ang miss universe, tapos pilot ng katorse. at birthday ko. beautiful!!!

went to davao for kadayawan. debut ng anak ng kuya ko. at dahil sa kadayawan, naging textmates kami ni enchong dee. he gave me his number kasi nasa davao din sila for kadayawan. pinuntahan namin sila sa hotel. andito ang buong kuwento. :)

nabembang ako this month. sobrang bothered ako. pero na-realize ko na it's part of work. it's normal to be scared, or hurt, or insecure... because it is part of being human.

the month ended with a victory party for katorse dahil sa taas ng ratings namin. beautiful month indeed.

september - weather-weather lang

a high school friend i haven't seen for three years asked me in YM, "kumusta lovelife?" and i answered, "parang coke... zero!"

did something for the first time. :) naghasik ng lagim si ondoy. and na-extend ang katorse for 10 more weeks.

october - kasentihan and kakiligan

kasentihan dahil sa 500 days of summer. at kinilig dahil sa isang "what if" na tanong...

november - celebration

after ten years, i saw my byline again in a glossy magazine -- i wrote an article for star studio magazine.

went to enchanted kingdom for katorse taping. attended the birthday party of our big boss. and star awards was held kung saan my only hope won.

december - kapamilya

wrote my last script for katorse and my last script for george and cecil. nakakalungkot. nakakaiyak.

umuwi again sa davao for my parents' 45th anniversary. kumpleto ang buong family.

kabi-kabilang party bago ang christmas vacation. and then, umuwi uli ng davao. panlima na this year.

masayang christmas day with the whole family. high school reunion. si C. ang saya :)

that sums up my 2009... fine lang siya. pero sa 2010, kine-claim ko... akin ka 2010. akin ka!!!

para sa mga may alam ng kuwento namin ni C...

2009-12-27T13:57:00.004+08:00

this blog entry is for those who know my story about C, ang bida sa aking kuwentong jelly beans.

last night was fun...

the high school reunion was set at 5pm pero 730 na, nasa bahay pa ako -- still choosing what to wear. and then everyone was texting and calling me na... "andito na si C!" "ang gwapo ni C!" "lika na, noreen, nandito na si C."

nakakataranta...

and so i arrived at the reunion around 8pm. naka-backless ang lowla nyo. i kissed and greeted everyone in the venue except for him. kasi kunwari i didn't see him. he was sitting near the door kasi so dire-direcho ako sa loob. saka nakaka-pressure na everyone was looking at me -- awaiting for my next move.

after a few minutes, noong wala ng nakatingin, i said hi to him. he reached out his hand to me. di ko alam kung ibebeso ko ba siya or what pero nakipag-kamay na lang ako. and konting chikahan kami.

that was only the beginning.

ang dami nangyari... hindi ko na iisa-isahin. basta iyong nag-stick sa akin, he was in a hot seat kasi he's still single until now.

ang tanong nila, hindi kaya bading siya. his best friend said, "gusto niyo subukan kung bading nga siya?"

ilai and che che asked him bakit hindi pa siya nag-aasawa. i was pretending not to listen. and alam ko, my friends stopped asking kasi baka daw ibalik ni C ang tanong sa kanila...

another highlight... people were asking us to pose for a picture together...

"mura na kug si zanjoe ani," he said (kasi nakita niya pic namin ni zanjoe sa powerpoint ng mga batchmates)

"di ka pa, magka-level na mo ni zanjoe..." i told him.

"di ko uy... mas guwapo ko adto!"

***

naguwian na mga tao. until eventually, iilan na lang kami natira. party ended around 2am.

kanina, claring asked me what happened last night.

me: di mo nakuha ang mms na pinadala ko? alam na ni C kung saan ako nakatira!
claring: hinatid ka ni C? bakit, nagda-drive na siya ng taxi? wehehehe
me: hindi taxi. bisikleta. parang young love sweet love. nakaangkas sa likod.
claring: siryoso??? at care mo lang kung mahulog ka, ano? may libreng akap ka? wahaha.
me: the ride with him was worth the fall, my friend. loving him makes life worth-living... ( a la whitney houston)
claring: hayup.

***

most of my batchmates are watching katorse pala. and then they told C, "napanood mo ba? john joseph wenceslao ang pangalan ng isang bida doon."

gulat siya, di daw kasi siya nakakanood (he's abroad kasi and kakauwi niya lang). and he told me, dapat buong pangalan na niya ang ginamit ko.

ngumiti lang ako. gusto ko sabihin, "kung alam mo lang ilang beses ko na ginamit mga pangalan mo sa mga scripts ko. ngayon lang talaga sumikat..."

***

i had some serious and intellectual discussions with him. about work. and money. and life. we even talked about adult issues -- like aids, sex and marriage.

havent seen him for four years. puro chat lang and fb. havent been that close to him in years...

pero may napatunayan ako... i used to think it was love. but i realized it was only the memory of love that keeps me holding on to him...

kaya ako kinikilig... dahil lang sa memories namin together. dahil lang sa years na gusto ko siya. dahil lang na siya ang unang guy na i fell in love with.

pero iyon lang pala ang reason -- hindi talaga love. talagang chocolate pudding jelly bean lang siya. dahil nakasanayan na... kaya hinahanap-hanap ko :)

:)

2009-12-25T23:25:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas sa lahat ng nagbibisita sa blog na ito -- sa mga friends ko abroad na dito nakikibalita tungkol sa buhay ko (hi, larlyn!), sa mga classmates ko noong high school (hi, ga! hi, tina! hi everyone na di ko alam kung sino pa kayo), sa mga kaibigan ko na minsan ay napapadalaw pa rin dito( melanie, sally, rose, ilai), mga taga-peyups.com (hi, resty!) at iyong mga naglulurk para makakuha ng update or spoiler about katorse (hi, cheries!) at iyong mga hindi naman ako kilala personally pero alam nila kuwento ng buhay ko for the past years through my blog -- lalo na iyong mga sumusubaybay pa rin mula pa noong nasa blogcity ako...

MERRY CHRISTMAS, everyone! :)

party party party

2009-12-21T15:20:00.004+08:00

before going to the george and cecil christmas party in alabang last wednesday, dumaan muna ako sa taping ng katorse sa dolphy theater. they were taping jojo and marissa's graduation.

dumirecho ako sa dressing room kung saan nagkukulitan si enchong at si charee. "kayo na naman magkasama sa eksena?" i asked.

one of them said nagkakasawaan na nga daw sila...

and then i told charee na may nagtatanong sa akin kung mamamatay ba si marissa. kasi kumalat ang balitang masasagasaan siya. she blamed enchong for it. kasi si enchong, niloloko si charee sa facebook at sinabing masasagasaan si marissa at mamamatay...

hindi po mamamatay si marissa. :)

***

the DTE unit christmas party at sm skydome last december 12 was a blast. galing ng performances ng may bukas pa at nagsimula sa puso team. and the kung tayo'y magkakalayo team brought the house down with their number. nakakaloka lang na kailangan pa takpan ni santino ang mata niya para di makita iyong hindi dapat makita.

***

the george n cecil christmas party was super happy din. sarap ng food. nilantakan ko lang naman iyong lechon baka saka hipon. salamat kay juday at ryan for the food :) aliw si cacai sa pag-host and uminit ang buong pool area when manuel, jommy and marion danced na naka-shorts lang :)

***

sumaglit lang ako sa abs cbn christmas party dahil sa may sakit ako at di ko feel makipag inuman :) kasama ko si julian who was teaching the ex-housemates for their dance number. mababait sila... sila pa lumapit sa akin para ipakilala nila mga sarili nila. or showbiz na rin sila? hmmm...

***

among the three parties, iba ang level ng enjoyment ko sa dte unit saka sa george n cecil. mas star studded ang dte pero mas intimate ang gnc. sa skydome, i chatted with xian, enchong and ejay. all asking me the same question -- ano mangyayari sa ending.

nakaupo lang si erich sa isang corner and ako lumapit sa kanya to greet her. we chatted about something din kasi i sent her a message sa fb about it. apparently, pumunta siya the day before kung saan ako nakatira and we talked about it for a while. sandali lang din iyong kuwentuhan namin ... mas matagal pa iyong kuwentuhan namin before sa enchanted kingdom.

enchong told me nalungkot daw siya when he read my fb status na last script na iyong nasulat namin. si ejay naman, nagtatanong kung ano mangyayari kay gabby sa ending. at si xian, nalaman niya na nakita ko ang tweet niya about katorse script.

noong pauwi na kami, nadaanan ko iyong isang stylist na kakilala ko, at katabi niya si maja. the stylist and i made beso and nakakatuwa lang si maja kasi she extended her lips, her way of saying i-beso ko rin siya. nakakatuwa lang kasi maja and i weren't formally introduced pero in a way, kapag nagkikita kami, parang magkakilala na kami.

sa george n cecil party, intimate dahil konti lang kami so mas may chance to make chika with the casts. si ms tessie tomas nakipagkuwentuhan sa amin and i mentioned magkasama lang kami sa table sa dte party and now magkasama na naman kami sa party. si gladys at si dimples, naki-chika din with us. and then photo op with juday, syempre :)

***

can't wait for more parties sa january -- kaso ang nakakalungkot lang, farewell party na yun ng katorse at gnc :(

hopeful...

2009-12-19T14:22:00.003+08:00

i am hoping. and wishing. and praying.

sana... sana... sana...

ayoko na sana mag-demand kasi ginawa ko dati iyan. at parang hindi maganda kinalabasan.

pero pwede naman ang second chance di ba?

kaya i am hoping. and wishing. and praying...

pa-Christmas mo na sa akin, Bro... sige na... please :)

sa Monday magkakaalaman...

mula ngayon hanggang sa Monday, puwede kong kulitin sa dasal si Bro...

kapag nangyari ang wish ko -- ang saya-saya ng 2010!

(post script: wala po itong kinalaman sa Katorse so don't put words in my mouth ha... subject to different interpretation pala ang mga sinusulat ko sa blog. ang daming nag-tweet sa akin at nag-comment dito eh... affected much? hehehe)